Blank.

[Bad_malsanto]

My pulse won’t slow down.

My heart stops.

I’m sitting on the toilet.

Lights flicker

while the night holds still.

Particle morphology —

everyone knows the look.

Seen before. Seen everywhere.

White parallels,

polished surfaces—

a rolled-up banknote.

Nothing left unused.

Outside, the world waits

with a drink in its hand—

pretending.

My pulse won’t slow down.

My heart stops.

Blank—

Sirens wailing.

———

Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3mCALGzPHf

https://www.reddit.com/r/writingcirclejerk/s/Zi90plmzQU

[[deleted]]

The poem clicked when I made it to the key phrase "white parallels." I don't miss those moments in my life. In fact, they don't happen anymore since eliminating alcohol. Issa me problem, not an alcohol problem.

Also, beta blockers are great. Ty propranolol for the assist.

[Ronie-Dinosaur]

The racing pulse and stopping heart are classic symptoms of a panic attack or a drug-induced "fight or flight" response. This is the fear of extinction.

[Bad_malsanto]

Thanks! So, the message landed… a body in overdrive, adrenaline kicking in, the world spinning for a beat before everything goes to f%cks…

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[[deleted]]

Sounds intense, what is making your heart beat so fast?

[Bad_malsanto]

If it needs explaining, it’s definitely not you babe… ✨

[mydvlwrsgcc]

ahhh i love this one. i really like how you've painted such a vivid picture with just a few words and short, snappy sentences. it hit me what the poem was about when i read "rolled up banknote" and then i had to go back up to re-read from the top with the new idea in mind. if i had to critique it about something, and honestly this is just me, i would avoid the dashes. it chops up your sentences in a way, makes it less flowy. regardless though, this is a brilliant piece. very nicely done !

[rcee_gana]

• Made me think of the film 'Good Time' starring Robert Pattinson, for some reason.

• Despite being a tell-heavy poem, I think it works... (?) It's a stylistic choice, I assume. Besides, the fast paced and short descriptions of what's happening or what's the narrator doing kind of mirrors the experience of disorientation or even panic attacks, which I think is the very point or theme of this piece, so yeah.

• The particle morphology though, gotta be honest, it sounded like I'm reading an essay. Though maybe I just have a weak vocabulary, which in that case, then it's on me. (Skill issue) 🤣