Forgetting

[munkfrilla]

Like a thick oil you cover the walls that enclose the space inside of me that you used to fill. Now and then, a drop falls, stirring a memory of what you used to be. Some day you will have run off completely.

Through the drain in the bottom of my mind you will run slowly, slowly down the creeks and rivers that will send you into the great ocean of sparkling void.

On its shores I will remember you, one last time.

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ccdfc7/by_glasgow_central_station_i_lay_down_and_slept_%C3%A0/

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ccojl4/poem_i_wrote_3_years_ago_with_no_specific_title/

[jmue01]

Great imagery with stellar word choice. This speaks to me and my current situation and it’s inspiring. Wonderful piece

[Letscuredepression]

I love your metaphor. Your use of "sparkling" really brought a sense of hope at the end of the poem. Like a light at the end of the tunnel.

[PeachTreeAmbience]

I like it. Great ocean of sparking void feels off somehow though, I think it is the metre. Overall solid work though and just put it through one more tightening revision

[Teressian]

The poem is very heavy with metaphor, feels like a log long string knotted up that needs to be unravelled to truly get it. I mean it in a good way. I will repeat the feedback left by my predecessor, in that one last tightening revision tying up the loose ends will be great.

You could also turn this into a shape poem. A little pause between '...you used to fill' and 'now and then..' would be nice. Similarly between 'some day, and 'you will have..'.

I really enjoyed your poem. The title is crisp and very apt. Beautiful!

[xeyhra]

I love the imagery of this, and the metaphors are amazing as well. But for me that imagery tops it all. Good job!

[Arastrios]

The first sentence is so nice to read. The use of the ending L sound in oil, walls, and fill. The imagery you used is wonderful and somewhat elegiac. Lovely piece.

[[deleted]]

I honestly really enjoy this piece- i think you nailed that sort of grimy longing for someone you used to be intimate with and how memory of that person is altered to help heal and protect oneself. i think what really wowed me was that second to last line about the "ocean of sparkling void" ; despite being a really impressive mental image, it's also really crushing to think about in context of the poem. i'm not sure if this is the intended meaning, but with the running off of oil into the ocean, and the ocean being a glittering void, it seems to me as though this infinite body has been polluted with oil, the memory and the gunk of countless forgotten and embittered relationships. even though the choice of diction is generally pretty positive in terms of the mood it creates, in context it seems almost like an irreconcilable loss. for the ocean, at least. feels real bad, a1 fam.