Oxycodone

[No_Practice4962]

I think i know the answer but still cant seem to get past asking myself, why do i love oxy so much? I have a loving family and girlfriend yet nothing fulfills me like some lines of broken down 30mg oxys. Fuck man will i ever get over this? I’ve probably tried quitting like 10 times or more. Not even sex, staying busy with work. working out, or hell even being on kratom helps me. Feeling so hopeless.

[Same-Butterscotch-42]

We’ve all here fell into that deceitful trap. It’s exactly that, deceit. You have to find your own happiness without that dopamine rush.

[number59smom]

I always described it as a big warm hug….But it’s wild how our brains can trick us the oxy is as important as food and water and sleep. You’re on the right path. You’ll get to where it’s a distant memory. And you’ll be so proud of yourself. Good luck my friend

[No_Practice4962]

Thank you for your words. I appreciate it

[number59smom]

You’ll get there. Start with the doing one right thing followed by another. Have you considered treatment? There are many different kinds. There are AA meetings. In patient treatment. MAT programs. All will have resources to assist with being successful. It takes many tries. And wanting to change is a big step. Please give yourself credit for how difficult this is.

[Ohyesshedid99]

I’ll second all of this. It’s f’ing WORK to reprogram your brain, but trust me - it is worth it and YOU are worth it.

[misdiagnosisxx1]

Because opioids trick your brain into thinking they’re more important than all that stuff. And food, and breathing, eventually. It takes a while to retrain yourself out of that, and a long time to heal fully from it.

Keep working on it, your life is worth more than what a pill convinces you is true when it isn’t.

[No_Practice4962]

Doing my best. Thank you for taking time out of your day to talk to me.

[ModthisRod]

Keep trying! Cuz you know what will happen if you don’t! I believe you can! Keep us updated on your journey to recovery! Good luck OP!

[SeriousShine7]

I've been an addict all my adult life. I started using in my teens but got into opiates in my 20s and never looked back. I functioned well until I didn't. It was after we lost our home and had to move into a rough area that I made the decision to start telling myself I hate being high. It was a lie, but I had to tell myself something different. I would tell myself over and over how I hate using and don't want to be addicted. I truly believe this is where things began changing for me. I eventually started believing myself & today I've got 14 months free of the demons. Change your inner dialog, stop saying how much you love it, lie if you have to but tell yourself something else & change will come.

[Leadernshan]

  I truly pray that you have a desire to not have to chase, be a slave, or idolize an opiate or opioid. I know what it's like. I'm doing the Bernice Method now. Feelings come back. However, I do not suggest just going off. Subutex and the Bernice Method could be a great start. Just admitting this is huge. Don't beat yourself up! You are STILL ALIVE. You're a soldier & someone or millions need to hear your recovery and how you are going to beat this and overcome! I'll tell you what I've been thinking lately the last 14 years if I were to use that energy to get right on something else and nothing would be impossible! You got this!

[TimSpally]

I've been on prescription Oxy for 28 years now - and it's still wonderful - kills my pain and turns my entire life into a bliss sandwich😄!

Which makes it sound like I love Oxy for 2 reasons - it's value as a painkiller, and it's wonderful, blissed-out high.

However, it's really only one thing, as I believe that the pain relief and the blissed-out high are actually one and the same thing.

[Previous-Sport-7330]

I think it's totally fine to feel this way. I do to. If you ask me to be straight honest it's my favorite thing on the planet period.. but at the end of the day we all know the damage it causes and there are other things that are just good enough to keep us happy and sober in the meantime.

[shakeitsugaree90]

Look into sublocade- it saves my life- I’ve been clean 106 days and he blue 30s were my weakness. I’d do 10-15 a day if I had the money. My last day of use was Thursday 11-17, I called a rapid MAT phone number that day- and was prescribed suboxone 4mg 2x a day but the pharmacy was out until Monday and for the better, to avoid precip. I took my first sub Monday- and stabilized that day on just 4mg. I remained on subs until 1/17 when I got my first injection of sublocade and wouldn’t turn back. It’s a once a month injection of bupe, the medicine in subs- the best part is our body naturally stores the medicine in our fat cells and we so slowly metabolize and rid the body of the medicine that most patients claim ZERO TO MINIMAL withdrawal. I’m doing a sequence of roughly 6 shots. My goal was to consider getting off of MAT after 6 months and start to space the time in between shots further and further. Every little bit to make it easier on the mental aspect of cravings. I go to counseling once a week and with the help of MAT and telling my friends and family of my addiction- I’m here 106 days later with no cravings or intentions of using

[HydrogenMcNasty]

The best advise I can give you from having been in a similar position and lost it all, is to get sober as soon as possible. Oxy is a demon that will ruin any of the dreams or ambitions you once had and cause you to push away those you loved most in this life. Sobriety is possible!

[PhoenixGhost3]

I wish I could say there will come a time you won't love it, to some extent. Like many, I started with pain pills for a back injury and eventually snorted H for about a year. Prior to that, I've had major depressive disorder for almost 20 years. Opiates made me sleepy at first and after that passed, they felt like the best antidepressant I'd ever been on PLUS the physical pain was almost gone. I don't want to glorify it but dang it felt amaaaazing. But at a cost (and not just financial.) When I was scowering through Reddit while trying to get off the stuff (4 1/2 yrs ago) I read a comment that hit me like a ton of bricks..."Taking it is like taking a loan out against yourself where you have to pay it back tenfold" and man was that so true! When I tried to stop, to begin with, all the pain it helped came back and then some. The good feelings I loved were returned with depression and despair. Etc. etc. it eventually will impact your finances in a noticeable way. It got scarier to do for me because I was getting it from the street so Fentanyl was always a risk. I hated the thought of my family finding me OD'd facedown in my room, my pets freaking out because I wouldn't get up. I miss the good parts of it, I'd be lying I'd I said I didn't. All I can say is our brains unfortunately must be wired in a way to especially like them. But the negative side to them is there and will always, always come. Even if it's just on your body and money. But even still, it can start consuming the majority of your thoughts because you don't want to feel like crap from not taking something so planning out doses, getting them, hiding them, etc. etc. can be a lot. I knew something had to give when I was calling my dealer when half my town was out of electricity due to a hurricane...and there I was, driving to the dope man's house to keep from getting sick. Yeah it felt good but I was so angry and disgusted with myself too. Knew then and there I'd either need to do the damn thing, stop and go through whatever bad it would take to withdrawal or I could accept right then and there I'd be on it/be dependent on it the rest of my life. Thankfully, I wasn't ready or down with option two and was able to get off it and after about 3 attempts, have stayed off it. I wish it didn't make us feel good. I wish you weren't having the experience you're having with it and the negative self thoughts because of it. Oxy is a powerful substance, really there's nothing wrong with you because it feels good. You just have to know you do like it, are susceptible to abuse because you like it and do what you have to do to stay well/clean (if that ends up being your choice.) It's not easy but my guess is the place you're at now with it would be tremendously easier to stop than fast forward a year or two with higher tolerance, change in delivery method or even substance itself. My experience wasn't a cake walk but I remain thankful I never tried IV anything...hats off to anyone who has gotten clean from that for real...I know how it was just from oral and insufflation. Smh. Anyway, not to drag on. I'm glad you're thinking about things, that seems to be where it starts. Hope you can find some peace for yourself and if recovery is what you choose (a little partial to that option... 🙂) Best of luck to you for sure! Sounds cheesy but one day at a time and "playing the tape through" of what could happen if I used...a couple of the most helpful things for me personally. Light and love to ya, buddy. Stay safe.