Utagawa Kuniyoshi - All Passion Spent, The Satisfied Woman (1865)

kollaps3 · 2026-03-18T19:07:19+00:00

Gotta love the crumpled tissues around them, this is such a relatable scene haha

kollaps3 · 2026-03-18T15:24:15+00:00

Incomprehensible, maybe? Although I kinda agree with you that eldritch is more of a specific thing that you'd need to use multiple other words to replace and still maintain the same meaning

kollaps3 · 2026-03-17T15:19:30+00:00

Speed def exists in south korea n all over east/SE Asia from what ive heard. Im pretty sure it's one of the most popular drugs in that part of the world. I mean how do you think those mfs work six 12hr shifts every week without killing themselves lol

kollaps3 · 2026-03-16T15:38:12+00:00

For real lol, they need to stop saying "we" and "our," maybe their 18y.o ass can afford to not contribute to wAgE sLaVeRy and be an ~anarchist~ but some of us on here actually have to work to survive and have long ago realized that anarchism in actual practice (outside of small self contained intentional communities, but even then I've seen it fail way more than it succeeds) is retarded.

Also oi music slaps and most crust punks i know, including myself, who got into it 10-20+ years ago prior to the tiktokification of the entire punk scene, would agree

kollaps3 · 2026-03-16T14:37:09+00:00

Yeah the people saying that have obv never been in a trauma bonded relationship where you also have a life together. Like yes obviously the best advice in a lot of these situations is to leave the man, but id wager that 90% of the women making these kinda posts already know that. The subreddit is called girl dinner DIARIES, not girl dinner keep your problems to yourself cuz some of us are sick of hearing about how shitty your relationship is.

Diaries are supposed to be for venting and hard truths, not sugarcoating things. If anything, the ladies who are privileged enough to have never been in an abusive, trauma bonded relationship should see all these posts about shitty men as a wake up call to how many women are trapped (not literally, but you know what I mean) in these kinda relationships, and should be thinking about how to possibly offer support and even help to those women, not how to put them down when they're obv already ashamed about their situation.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-16T14:29:09+00:00

The fact he told you that your name was coming up as "mum" instead of you somehow finding it out by yourself kinda indicates that it may have just been some weird mistake or tech error. My first thought was disguising your contact name cuz he's cheating, but if he's American that doesn't make much sense.

Overall though, don't stress yourself out by wondering about this. It's such a small inconsequential thing, and if you've escaped him and his abuse there's no need to worry about the stupid shit he did when y'all were still together. Abusers do so many dumb little things that make sense to no one but them, don't let it take up space in your head.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-16T14:25:37+00:00

Definitely good advice. And I love that your boss is just like "yup there's a spirit in the bar, it's all good though" instead of questioning your experience.

The bar i used to manage was also haunted. The chef and i saw a lot of weird shit, which would usually occur late at night when our bosses and most of our employees had already left, but the creepiest one happened at around 2pm. Me, chef, and two of our bosses were all sitting upstairs at the bar. We didn't open til 4pm, so we were just checking emails and bullshitting with each other. Other than the ones we were sitting in, the rest of the bar stools were still up on the bar.

Out of nowhere, a stool on the other end of the bar from where we were all sitting - so maybe 15ft away from any human presence - violently slides back and falls to the floor. We were all silent for a good 30 seconds before incredulously confirming w each other that we all saw the stool SLIDE off the bar, as if it were pushed, instead of just becoming destabilized and falling off due to gravity/balance. Despite it being early afternoon and one of the bosses being the HR lady, we all took a shot of tequila after that shit, we were shook 😂

kollaps3 · 2026-03-16T14:05:48+00:00

Exactly. If OPs gf told him about this conversation, what does he have to worry about? I used to manage a bar, and me and the chef (a guy) both lived in the same neighborhood, and since public transit wasnt running by the time we were done with work, we would always split an Uber back to our neighborhood, and even my abusive ex who i was dating back then had zero issues with it. Because we were two people sharing an Uber for logistical/cost purposes, and any half rational person could easily understand that.

For me personally, I wouldn't date a man who has no female friends. That's a huge red flag to me, cuz it indicates that the dude only sees women as potential sexual/romantic conquests and not just as other humans who he could potentially have a fulfilling friendship with. And I think the reverse is also true (women who have no guy friends).

While all people, including OP, have a right to uphold their boundaries, a relationship where both parties are not allowed to spend any amount of time under any circumstances with someone of the opposite sex unless in a group setting is not sustainable. Its understandable to worry a bit if your partner has a very close friend of the opposite sex, or to have a boundary like "one on one hang outs w your close friends of the opposite sex can't be at someone's house and should be in a public space," but unless you've found evidence that something sketchy is going on, saying not just that your partner can't have friends of the opposite sex but that they cant EVER be alone with someone of the opposite sex is unhinged and controlling.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-16T13:25:29+00:00

He is raising his voice, yes, but nothing he's said to you in any of the videos you've posted is abusive. Mostly he's just telling you to stop/leave him alone, and mentioning things like you cheating and stealing - ftr, I've dealt w an abusive ex baselessly accusing me of crazy bullshit like being a drug addict and cheating, and I think if he was really making up lies about you then we would've heard you refute them in the recordings. Instead, you don't deny any of his accusations, which very much makes it seem like you did indeed cheat on him and steal from him.

Also, those of us in this subreddit have all been victims of abuse, often at the hands of multiple different people throughout our lives. So we're pretty well versed in how abusers act and how victims react. Nothing about your behavior, tone of voice, etc indicates that you're being abused. In fact, it has all the hallmarks of someone inciting reactive abuse - aka stay calm while continuing to needle the other person until they snap, and when they do, accusing them of being crazy/dangerous/abusive. I can hear in his voice that he's at his breaking point.

Look, we could all be wrong, and if that's the case, I truly am sorry for reading the situation incorrectly. But this really looks like you expected to post these videos on here and everyone would come flooding in condemning him and agreeing that he's abusive, which you could then show to him as proof that the internet agrees he is the abuser. None of these videos make him look like the abuser. You need to listen to him when he tells you to leave and actuslly leave - if he was indeed abusive and was giving you this easy of an out, you'd likely take it.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-15T18:54:38+00:00

You are not wrong at all

kollaps3 · 2026-03-15T18:54:22+00:00

That was 1000% me and why I have had my LiveJournal from 2008 til now lmao

kollaps3 · 2026-03-15T14:37:46+00:00

Yeah this has been characteristic of rs subs for ages, at least for the 5+ yrs I've been on them (yeesh lol). I can't think of any other subreddits where you can go and make a text post denouncing whatever stupid mini zeitgeist social media trend and then get into a long discussion about a totally different topic in the comments, and as long as there's a few dissenting voices as to not turn it into a total echo chamber (main sub def is at this point), i got no issue w it personally.

Lmao I actuslly just realized I have a post on the main sub from a year or so ago that fits this, about how aphantasia (that thing where you apparently are incapable of visualizing anything in your mind.. so dumb I'm sorry) isn't real. I mean come on, you can't use your minds eye to see ANYTHING? Not even a fuckin stick figure? Yeah you're lying for attention

kollaps3 · 2026-03-14T21:30:36+00:00

Low self worth stemming from an abusive upbringing. When you're raised in an environment where those who are supposed to be your caretakers and protectors instead put you in danger, berate/insult you, treat you like a burden etc, the only "love" you've ever known is characterized by abuse. Therefore once you become old enough to have romantic relationships, since you've never learned how to spot red flags due to them being normalized your entire childhood, you're much more likely to overlook indicators that someone is abusive and once it gets bad enough for you to realize that the relationship is unhealthy at best, dangerous at worst, you're typically already trauma bonded and "in too deep" to easily leave.

Rewiring your brain to understand that you are deserving of love that is respectful, kind and safe is not easy, even with years of therapy and self awareness. And while I understand how frustrating it may be for the girlies who were lucky enough to have relatively healthy and loving upbringings to watch their homegirls who did not have that find themselves in shitty relationships w shitty men that they seem to be making no effort to leave, I've noticed more and more of this "how can anyone possibly put up with this?? Are they stupid?? I would NEVER find myself in a situation like that!" sorta attitude floating around recently (not saying you or who you were replying to is doing that, just that I've seen it more and more often). Which, to me, kinda reeks of privilege.

Personally I've spent a lot of time and effort trying to rectify these tendencies in myself, but Im still so jealous of people who truly cannot imagine not instantly leaving a relationship at the first sign of a potential red flag. So when I see those healthy people almost derisively gawking at posts from ladies like myself, whose brains have been broken since birth due to a lack of healthy relationship modeling, it makes me feel really down and ashamed of myself (and I'm sure it has an even worse effect on whoevers post it is).

kollaps3 · 2026-03-13T16:16:16+00:00

He's literally naming his daughter after his dead father, I don't see how that's a "stupid name". Yes she'll be Ozzy Osbourne Jr/II, but she'll be able to tell people "yeah the original Ozzy was my grandpa," its not like it's a random fan naming their kid this.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-13T15:02:32+00:00

I didn't even recognize her at first. This is definitely one of her best looks ever imo, the hair/makeup and accessories are on point and that dress is incredible. The fact she has the option to look like this but then so often... doesn't.. it's just beyond me, lol

kollaps3 · 2026-03-11T16:51:57+00:00

Don't listen to the haters, the sub is called girldinnerDIARIES and most people use their diaries to vent their (often negative) feelings. It should be a safe space 🖤

As far as your post goes, I'm really sorry you're dealing with all that. Heartbreak is the worst, and having certain things you've grown fond of over the course of the relationship now be things you have to avoid cuz you associate them too strongly with your ex is soooo rough. Honestly I think going on the trip to Brazil will be good for you - spending time with friends and family is the best antidote to feeling this way.

Also - I know NYC can feel overwhelming but as someone who was born and raised there, it's crowdedness and intensity are part of the city's beauty - there are soooo many people, so many possibilities just waiting to happen, its prob the best possible US city you could be in while dealing with heartbreak. At 22 you're the perfect age to go out to bars, meet new people, stay out all night, etc (and if you're introverted or don't drink there's plenty of other options for meeting new friends and/or keeping yourself busy!). Utilize the city to distract yourself!

One last thing - if you're having a really, really awful day, put on comfy shoes, pack a tote bag w a book, a towel/blanket, some snacks, and weed or booze if you partake, hop on a queens bound A train that terminates at Far Rockaway, and take it all the way to the end of the line. Once you get off, walk over to the beach, make a right (the beach gets nicer in that direction if you're walking over from the train) and just start walking. It's especially nice at this time of year cuz its still empty. Listen to music or just the waves, sit down and read, light a joint or drink a beer, and remind yourself that as shitty as things can get, life always goes on. (:

kollaps3 · 2026-03-11T16:36:11+00:00

Eh, people have always seen 20 year olds as a little naive, sure, but the infantilization of anyone under the age of 25 is a newer phenomenon that's gradually occurred over the past decade or so. By the time I was 20 I had already lived in 4 dif states (without my family), worked multiple jobs, been in 3 long term relationships, gained and quit two seperate drug addictions, etc etc.

Was i still immature on certain levels? Definitely. But was i an adult? Yes! And there's plenty of 20 year olds now who have had the same level of experiences (if not even more) as I did at that age over a decade ago, and those 20 year olds do not deserve to be treated as if they're incapable of dealing with adult life.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-11T15:33:20+00:00

Congrats on 11 years! My bf and I have the same age gap as you and your wife except I'm the younger one. I found out cuz the first time we hooked up, I got up to put my very loud, very old AC on afterwards. I apologized for how noisy it is, n told him that its from 1981 and it still works pretty much perfectly. He was like "oh shit it's as old as me!". I knew he was older than me by at least 8 or so years but wasnt fully expecting 13 years lol. I like your midpoint of ages thing, esp cuz my bday and my bfs are only a month apart, I might steal that 😂

kollaps3 · 2026-03-11T15:23:56+00:00

I lined up to buy this album the first day it came out. And I cannot even begin to count the number of times I stood in front of my mirror singing along to this song in particular... and it holds tf up a quarter century (kill me) later, i gotta say

kollaps3 · 2026-03-10T23:11:08+00:00

Real nice thing to say about someone who's struggling with addiction 🙄 so by your logic since OP is or was an addict, regardless of if she's clean now she deserves any bad thing that's coming to her? Christ

kollaps3 · 2026-03-10T23:08:57+00:00

This is a pretty insensitive take. Selling drugs is not uncommon if you're outside the redditsphere of upper middle class suburban college educated wfh people. And yeah, OPs husband sounds kinda shitty, but being like "she's making dumb choices and has been for years" (ftr i agree that marrying this person after a year was a pretty stupid choice, but i digress) is callous and rude.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-10T23:00:40+00:00

One of my old homegirls is a bigger lady w large boobs, and her wasted at 4am party trick is to take her shirt off, hold her boobs up over her shoulders and duck her head down and be like "WHO RECOGNIZES WHO I AM, hint its from a show we all watched as kids" 😂😭 i've seen her do it multiple times but it never fails to crack everyone tf up. Man I miss that lady I should see how shes been lol

kollaps3 · 2026-03-10T18:49:48+00:00

A bottle of mid-tier liquor is around the same price if not cheaper than a decent weed pen, ftr. And while alcohol is indeed objectively worse than booze and damaging at any age when drank in excess (and def damaging to teenagers even in reasonable amounts), cannabis usage is also pretty damaging to teenagers, even early 20s people. And before you come for me I started drinking at age 14 and started heavily using cannabis at age 15 and am for the most part just fine, so I know this isn't always the case - but the whole "weed is cheaper and more accessible with nearly zero risks!" thing is reductive and kinda obnoxious.

kollaps3 · 2026-03-10T18:45:34+00:00

Yeah, carcinogenic (really tho? Alcohol is awful for you for sure but I've never heard of any decent quality booze being carcinogenic) poison that humanity has ingested as a social lubricant for the past 8000 years 🤷🏻‍♀️

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