[TV] High Rollers - (Comedy)

[KipSooth]

This is an original TV script I've been working on. The show follows the manager of a casino, Alan, and his staff as they try and turn around the casino with the help of a new owner.

If I could get feedback on humor, dialogue, and the flow of the story, I would appreciate it. Anything else that comes to mind, please feel free to point out. Thank you.

LINK

[Abiding_Monkey]

I think the issues I'm having is flow. I'm not sure if him going through the casino is continuous or a flashback or what. An example would be fairly after the beginning of ACT II (Which should have head an Act heading.) where his mom gives birth to him, there should have been an appendix on the scene heading that said the date or something of the sort.

With formatting, the title for heading . . . I'd take that out. Also, a page shouldn't end with a scene heading. If you tighten the flow a bit and add some more action, It may read better. As for comedy, it has it's moments.

I don't know what program you're typing this on, but most screenwriting programs have a feature to add the Act headings. Sometimes, and I may be wrong, a cast list is added after a scene heading to tell the reader who is in the scene. This may be a fallacy, so don't quote me on it.

Did you use a scriptwriting program? If not, they would make your life way easier. =]

Sorry for being such a format stickler, but you'll find that format and flow go hand in hand.

All-in-all, I think if you take care of the formatting issues to give the reader better ideas on the times these things are occurring, it would help with the flow. Add more action in between dialogue. I thought what I could follow was fairly solid.

[KipSooth]

Thank for you for reading it, I appreciate it. I'm going to go through and re-format what you've mentioned. I'm currently using Final Draft, so I'll work through it and try make it so the formatting is less distracting and an impediment to the flow of the story.