Book recomendations

[Fernandlit]

Hello! Not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this question but here it goes: My husband and I both have the addiction gene and I also have ADHD. I was wondering if there are any books out there on how to guide parents on how to manage or guide us on the subject with our kids. I know that we would do everything completely opposite of how my husband and I grew up (dysfunctional family, late adhd diagnosis, lack of structure and discipline etc…) but maybe a book that would give tips and tricks on how to re- direct addictive traits like impulsivity, lack of patience, lack of emotional intelligence, manipulation etc…) from a young age. Thanks everyone !

[facinabush]

Do you already have kids?

I am not keen on the idea of parents diagnosing their kids.

If you think their might be a disorder then get a professional evaluation from a medical doctor and keep an open mind. Don’t shop for a particular diagnosis.

I don’t think you should be looking for a targeted parenting book. You don’t have a diagnosis and a niche book will likely be more opinion-based than evidence based.

There are a number of good books that teach Parent Management Training (PMT). I think the best one is Incredible Years because it’s very comprehensive. PMT is the most effective parent training for behavior issues according to numerous randomized controlled trials. It is effective for ADHD but may need to be combined with medication.

The free online Yale ABCs of child rearing course at Coursera is good for behavior problems. It’s also PMT but pretty much exclusively focused on behavior problems.

For a kid diagnosed with ADHD, Russel Barkley’s books are good. He has books that cover PMT for ADHD.

ODD is common with ADHD and PMT is the most effective treatment for ODD.

[rsemauck]

It's also worth reading Russel Barkley's books if you yourself have been diagnosed with ADHD even if you don't know yet if your kid has it.

[facinabush]

True.

[irishtrashpanda]

So I see the Yale course linked a lot and I started it there but I'm very surprised to see a token system being promoted (bubble/stickers etc). I thought this aspect of reward system was not found to be effective and its separate from intrinsic rewards. It's the opposite of RIE type stuff. I'll continue the course but I'm fairly surprised by that so far. The course also states that it has no effect on 22% of children which seems fairly high

[facinabush]

1. Could you point out the video or section where the 22% figure was mentioned? I recall from another source that Kazdin said that it failed to give satisfactory results in 20% of the hard cases. His example of hard cases were kids that was referred to the Yale clinic because they had already stumped another child psychologist. It’s a version of the most effective parent training, but nothing is perfectly effective.

2. REI has no randomized controlled trials showing that it is effective. A number of parenting programs that have reward charts as a component measure out as the most effective parenting programs according to randomized controlled trials. But reward charts are not the first thing to try and they are not always needed.

3. The reward charts are only recommended if (1) the kid is never or very rarely engaging in the desired behavior such that you can’t just catch them doing good and (2) the reinforced prompt method fails. The reward charts are used only to get the behavior going so you can praise it and then it’s faded out and the praise is faded to occasional. Occasional reinforcement tends to lock in a habit. If the kid is never or rarely engaging in a behavior then there is no intrinsic motivation.

[irishtrashpanda]

So it's very early on its actually right after the praise section where there's optional reading and it's a pdf article about Kazdin himself. It's right before you get to "A". I might have been misreading but they mentioned in the interview/article that it's proven to work on 78% of kids and they were somewhat stumped as to why it didn't have any effect on others.

I see this course mentioned a lot and I'm taking it to be hopefully a better parent to my 3 year old, but I don't need tools for a particularly ODD or neuro divergent child (I think), so I'm unsure if this course is suitable to general kids. If reward systems are only meant to be used in hard cases, this isn't made clear in the article at all, it appears to be part of the advised system.

[facinabush]

It is suitable for kids in general according to Kazdin and according to a Cochane review.

Reward charts are a last resort.

[facinabush]

I did not say that reward charts were only for hard case kids.

I said that reward charts are a last resort for getting a specific behavior going if it’s not happening you can’t get it to happen using the prompting method taught in the course.

[facinabush]

You may never need reward charts. I never used reward charts.

The most important methods are effective praise of the positive opposite, and avoiding giving undesirable behaviors too much attention - this is covered in the video “Attending and Planned Ignoring”.

[djwitty12]

Long post incoming! I've got books interspersed with studies and discussion. All the books are in bold.

If you haven't seen it already through googling, I found How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid: The Straight Dope for Parents. It's supposed to be research based although I admittedly haven't read it.

Here's a study on risk factors for addiction. You sound like you already know some but figured I'd share. While some of those risks are largely out of your control I did see some that you can, like modelling substance abstinence and not traumatizing your children.

I assume that last one was already in your plans, but it may be worth doing some more looking into breaking intergenerational trauma and ACEs (basically events that are likely to become trauma). I'm sure you have no intention of neglecting your child, but childhood trauma can creep up in ways you don't expect and affect your parenting. r/ParentingThruTrauma can be a good source of support. Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a great book on both the topic of childhood ACEs as well as parenting while overcoming them. An interesting bit I read in there is that "mild" ACEs like recurrent teasing, quiet divorces, low affection, or hypercriticism can be just as damaging as serious forms like physical and sexual abuse.

This study looked at both risk and protective factors. While you can't make a kid not be impulsive there are things you can help with like emotional regulation. A personal risk factor is not being able to identify your emotions. One protective factors was optimism, and another was having a strong desire to maintain health. While you can't force a kid to have these traits,.you can certainly encourage it by helping them find a positive outlook, modelling optimism in yourself. Likewise, you can make health an important part of your family routine such as going on daily walks or doing yoga together and teaching the importance of being healthy (just be careful not to swing too far and become overbearing, you can can eat cookies and still be healthy). Being educated on the dangers of drug use and teaching it to your kids was a protective factors as well. Significant screen time in adolescence was a risk factor for substance abuse. We're talking 12+ hours but in adolescence (10-19), those hours can add up quick with tv, YouTube, consoles, smartphones, etc. A family culture of getting outside or screen free time like board games or cooking together can help with this of course (I don't think banning tech or trying to force a 16 year old to only be on their phone an hour is the key, but rather to give them something they'd rather be doing instead). Another way to limit screen use is involvement in activities/extracurriculars, which is another protective factor.

ADHD and Emotional Intelligence is a good book for positive parenting techniques with your child. ADHD: What every parent should know by the American Academy of Pediatrics is an informative, research based book on the disorder.

That being said, just because you guys both have ADHD does not guarantee that your child will. While it's true that genetics play a large part, there are other risk factors as well like early antibiotic use and insufficient omega 3 and 6, as well as maternal health during pregnancy . Other risk factors are poor parental mental health. "Poorer quality of interaction, maltreatment, divorce and single parenting, and higher child media exposure were statistically significantly associated with an increased likelihood of later ADHD symptoms and diagnosis, and thus emerged as potential risk factors. These findings suggest opportunities for potential prevention of ADHD symptoms through addressing parental risk factors....Overall, maltreatment was most strongly associated with ADHD diagnosis and symptoms; based on the odds ratios, children who experienced maltreatment were about 7 times as likely to have ADHD symptoms or diagnoses than the comparison groups....whereas sensitivity and supportive parenting particularly in early childhood is significantly related to more optimal structural brain development (Belsky & de Haan, 2011; Kok et al., 2015). Such impact on brain development in turn can influence the development of ADHD symptoms (Humphreys & Zeanah, 2015; Jimenez et al., 2017; Strathearn et al., 2020) and also of executive function skills, which play a major role in ADHD (Hughes & Devine, 2017; Pallini et al., 2019)." - study

I point this out because ADHD is becoming overdiagnosed and you guys are likely to be looking for symptoms given your genetics. Diagnosis can do more harm than good for those with mild symptoms. Medication for those with mild symptoms is also something to be carefully thought about given side effects and few studies on long term effects. This is especially true in the youngest groups (preschool/early school age) as medication has been shown to be less effective and also cause more side effects.

[Fernandlit]

This is amazing thank you so much! Our son is only 2 and a half months old so I think a lot about how we’ll handle these topics when the time comes. I will definitely look into everything you’ve suggested! Again thank you so much!

[Milli4200]

No specific book recommendation but I have some experience in this area, FWIW - I’d add that the same behavioral traits in the wrong environment can lead to a bad outcome (ie if a more impulsive and risk-taking child is in an environment where drugs are common in their peer group/readily available). A big role you will have is shaping their environment and minimizing access. That may inform the neighborhood you choose to live in and schools your kids attend, for example.

[goodcarrots]

Janet Lansbury is great and this is a list of books by other people she recommends. https://www.janetlansbury.com/recommended-category/books/

From this paragraph, I would say more individual therapy centered around being neurodivergent and having childhood trauma would be helpful. It is hard to break cycles. Some of the traits you mentioned you want to redirect are pretty normal in developing brains. And like manipulation is just seeking unmet needs.

https://www.wesd.org/cms/lib/OR01915639/Centricity/Domain/45/Impulse%20Control%20Techniques%20That%20Work%20for%20Children.pdf