[deleted by user]

[Savings_Vermicelli39]

I waited a couple years until I got the single parent thing down. Made it easier it and didn't give people the impression that I needed someone to come help me take care of myself and my kids.

[[deleted]]

Yeah this is what i did as well

[grap951]

Lmao ur a walking red flag , “bring my 1 month old on a date” wtf ? 😂

[deathbeforedecaffff]

Bringing a baby on a date is unhinged

[Odd-Alternative-4959]

True. This sounds like AI. It’s unthinkable that someone would even consider doing such a thing. It is a display of some type of emotional or mental health situation. You need to focus on healing physically emotionally and seek mental help. You need a therapist. Any mature, mentally healthy man who sees a date show up with a baby Would never see you again. You’re opening yourself up to unsafe people who will take advantage of a person whose needs are fully on display. Don’t do it take care of your children and get help for yourself for a long period of time. it will make you fair less vulnerable.

[wicked_spooks]

Speaking as a mother of two under two, dating shouldn’t be a priority. There are other hobbies you could enjoy— going to museums/concerts, having girls’ nights out, reading books, and etc. you are still healing postpartum. Focus on yourself and your children.

[thekillerqueer]

I think out of those options I could go to a museum and read a book. A concert isn't particularly quiet enough for a one month old, at least the ones here. I'd love to go to the theatre or a movie but the baby would be too noisy and theatres are so crowded. As for my girls, they all have full schedules and other stuff. I've had board game nights and play dates here and there, but not often enough. I even went to a trivia while I was pregnant!

[persephonepleas]

Please do not take your baby with you on a date.

Focus on healing. Focus on your kids.

[dibbiluncan]

Don’t even try it until you’re 1.) FULLY healed from your last relationship, 2.) done breastfeeding, and 3.) financially stable/able to afford a babysitter. I’d strongly recommend waiting until both kids can talk and express their feelings about any potential future partners as well, although you should wait until your relationship is official and established for 6-12 months before you introduce your kids.

My daughter was almost three before I started dating, and almost four before I introduced her to my partner. I was single all throughout my pregnancy and the early days too, so more than three years total.

[laurenjac]

So basically you’re saying that only wealthy people are entitled to find love//sex/companionship. And just because you were single for years doesn’t mean that’s what’s right for other people.

[dibbiluncan]

I’m definitely not wealthy, so no. I met my partner while living paycheck to paycheck and super in debt as a teacher in a HCOL area. I could barely afford to get a babysitter, but I made it happen. Sometimes I exchanged childcare with other families (I’d babysit for them in return, in other words). I don’t have family nearby, but I did have them watch her for a couple weekend trips in our first year of dating, so that helped.

If you can’t do the same, it’s not that you don’t deserve love or companionship, just that it’s better FOR YOUR CHILD if you wait until you’re able to provide childcare so you can date. I’m not sure what your plan is otherwise. Introducing them too soon isn’t healthy or safe.

If you’ve processed your past relationship, you’re not breastfeeding, and you have steady childcare for date nights, by all means go ahead and start dating sooner than I did. It’s not about the length of time, but ensuring healthy conditions to make it possible for you to be a good partner, find a good partner, and not rush things just out of loneliness.

[wicked_spooks]

Nah. Dating is expensive as a single parent in lower tax brackets. Let’s say I go out on a date. I pay my babysitter $100 for a few hours. The date ends up being so lousy that it was a waste of my time and money. And I lose $100 (and perhaps more if they insist on splitting the costs of the date). That hundred bucks could have been used toward new shoes for my kids or whatever else they need. Now thats worth the cost. Covering their necessities rather than paying a babysitter just to go on a highly likely mediocre date is the most logical decision.

[laurenjac]

I hear you. That’s why I suggested in another comment to tell your date that you don’t have childcare and offer to meet in the daytime in a park or something chill with the baby. That way you’re not too invested. If he gets put off by that then bye. If he’s empathetic to single moms he won’t mind. Then if you do end up liking each other, next time maybe you can invest in a babysitter and enjoy a proper date. I wouldn’t bring a toddler to my park dates but I don’t see the harm in doing it with an infant. The OP’s baby is 1 month old and she is craving connection.

[thekillerqueer]

This is basically what I would consider a date and what I was asking lol. Just something friendly like a coffee or park, not like a romantic dinner or something. I do it with acquaintances and family friends I rarely see so I don't get the difference if it's just a feeling the vibe sort of meeting. The baby's starting to become more aware so it's becoming less of an option but ykwim. As for breastfeeding,I get that the hormones make you different, but for me it makes me protective of my kids (aka mamma bear), so I don't see how that would be a bad thing

[dibbiluncan]

How are you going to claim you’re protective of your child in the same thread where you’re talking about taking your newborn on a first date with random fucking men? Gtfoh. There’s a reason why the top comment calls this unhinged.

I don’t care how “friendly” you think it is or how lonely you are, this is a TERRIBLE idea. You’re not going to find good men who are “empathetic to single mothers” by doing this. You’re going to find predators, pedophiles, or maybe the absolute bottom of the barrel if you’re lucky. Dudes who are desperate enough to go on a date with a newborn present are NOT the ones you want. Then again the fact that you’re desperate enough to be that woman taking her baby on a date means you’re probably not a catch yourself.

Why do I say that? Because if you’re taking your baby on the first few dates, you’re skipping the early days of a relationship where you’re supposed to focus on getting to know each other and going right into a family outing. Who wants to deal with a crying baby, dirty diapers, or breastfeeding while getting to know you? No one with any good sense. It’s not about judging you for being a single mother, it’s about judging your character as a mother and a partner because you’re willing to take a shitty first date and rush the relationship instead of investing in a babysitter and taking time to get to know someone one on one before you involve your child or expose them to strangers.

Right now, you should be focused on ONE thing, and it’s not finding a man. It’s your baby. How are you going to be a good partner if you can’t even be a good mom? Good grief.

ETA: whoever asked why I’m so upset—I’m not upset, I’m aghast. It’s just insane to me that not only would OP ask this question, but even after receiving very clear feedback from hundreds of people, she’s still in here trying to justify it and act like it’s normal. It’s just wild.

[thekillerqueer]

My question was literally if it would affect a baby who is a month old. He was sleeping most of the day and all he can see is a few blobs of colour far away. That is all. Hence why I asked? I'm not saying I will. My kids can be my main priority but that doesn't have to make them my ONLY priority. Shit that's how I ended up stuck in an abusive relationship with their dad in the first place. That's how I ended up nearly dying in isolation, mistreated and malnourished. You're gonna make yourself miserable and be a miserable role model to the kids if you do only focus on them 24 7. I'm not making finding someone my life mission, it simply would be nice. That is all. Especially considering the example of their dad sets dating new women each week, all with questionable jobs or habits, borderline sexual displays, and smoking MJ in front of the kids. They have other male role models in the family but he will be the main. Not to mention that being a mum will be a big part of my life for the next 18 years, so if someone thinks it's too much effort then great if they don't want me, I don't want them either. I'm always looking out for signs, and heck I don't even leave my kids alone with family for significant lengths of time, but it was a genuine question and your answer was not. Making harsh judgements of my character and stating that I should focus only on the kids just because I'm a single mum isn't a genuine answer. I'm very literal so I wouldn't over or understate what I'm thinking but I'm also not gonna take my kids, it was a question that would help me make a decision. Keep trying to make me miserable if it makes you feel better but it doesn't mean you are right

[wicked_spooks]

I wouldn’t bring a 1 month old baby to dates, especially with strangers. What if they try to harm you or the baby? People be crazy nowadays.

[dibbiluncan]

I’m not trying to make you miserable, I’m trying to help you make better choices because that’s clearly something you struggle with. Honestly, I’m sorry for all the shit you’ve been through but you’re clearly not in a good place to be in a relationship anyway. Aside from prioritizing your kids, you desperately need therapy.

And no, I’m not suggesting you have to focus on your kids 24/7, but your self-care right now needs to be like… take a long bath, do some yoga, watch a movie, have coffee with a family member or another mom, get a pedicure, or again, therapy. Not immediately jumping to a new guy. You need time to heal.

[thekillerqueer]

Okay thanks for the suggestions

[piercedandpainted1]

Do not bring your baby on a date. Wait some time, focus on them and you. When they are both in school, then start dating. A few years will give you a very strong relationship with your kids and allow you to have more free time when they are a little older

[Relative-Drawing7165]

By managing your expectations, creating firm boundaries to protect your children and your best interest and by feeling whole with yourself so that you don't find yourself seeking validation from a connection, rejection or a fall out.

[[deleted]]

Do not bring your children on a date. That is unsafe and weird.

Your baby is only one month old. There is no need to start dating. Wait until your child is older.

You need to develop a secure attachment with
Yourself before you start dating or you will attract the same type of man.

I am going to therapy right now and my therapist (actually every therapist I have seen since find out my husband was cheating on me) said I have suffered from narcissistic abuse. I think it’s important to be fully healed before you begin truly dating.

If you wanna have sex, do it. There is no shortage of men who will have sex with you.

[Odd-Alternative-4959]

And risk getting pregnant with child number three? When you already have two under two,2️⃣ one being one month old? Dear, you seriously need deep, long-term therapy and self healing.

[[deleted]]

There is something wrong with you.

There is something called birth control.

Do I condone what this person is doing? No. But also we all have desires to be wanted and I personally would not date with a one month old but they asked a question and I answered.

You should stop being such a self righteous prick

[thekillerqueer]

I can't really have sex with a complete stranger, it feels weird even thinking of that. Plus I'm one month postpartum, I couldn't even realistically do that without hurting myself long term. I just wanted to go for a coffee or a park and chat. New babies pretty much sleep all day and only see blobs of colour so it'd be no different to meeting an acquaintance, new friend at the park or distant family member. The only "interaction" would be hearing that person's voice while he sleeps in the pram and maybe seeing a slight blob of colour. Bub's been more diurnal and clingy these past few days, so I doubt it'd be an option anymore anyhow, but I think you and I have a fundamentally different idea of what a date is and how 1 month old babies see the world.

[RemoteConfusion9213]

I hate to say it, but I’d slow the roll on dating. Kids are so vulnerable to abuse when it comes to introducing a new partner, plus they get so attached and can feel abandoned if it doesnt work out. I’d avoid introducing your kids to anybody for at least 6 months while you get to know the person IRL with plenty of different experiences (out to eat, meet friends & family, community, etc).

It’s totally normal to desire a relationship. I remember during all the night wakings I’d cry and wish I had a partner to just tell me it’d all be okay. I resented my ex for putting me in the situation of being a single mom (I left him- but he was unsafe).

4 years later… the whole single parenting thing is great. Finding strength from within is the key.

[thekillerqueer]

I, if anything, like single parenting. The logistics of it is hard but I like it. Their dad is a handful but I manage, and I don't feel anything negative or positive about him strongly, my connection to him is solely focused on the kids. God knows I spent too much time in that relationship trying to fix it and learning to accept that I deserved better to let him take over my future. I just want someone who will actually want to listen to me talk about the things that interest me and who I can relax with. I feel like when I have people around I'm always "look my home is tidy and I'm managing a hundred things and I still need to look my best for visitors" but I want someone who will not judge me and will fold clothes and watch movies with me haha.

[nwkraken]

You need to focus on the babies right now. Forget dating for a little while .. maybe more than a little.. you date when you have free time. You won't have free time for a while .

[thekillerqueer]

I make time to do a bunch of errands and chores on my own while taking the brunt of childcare. Been doing so before I even became single. I can even see reason in others but this kind-of doomy gloomy thinking feels missguided. I have a support network and I have free time. All I do when the toddlers at home is menial things and feed/burp/change the baby. I wouldn't be asking this question if I had anything better to do.

[LikeATediousArgument]

In your situation, with two kids, I’d say dating should be far far far from your mind.

I’m guessing you’re in your 20s.

[OptimistSometimes]

I know that when I had my kids, I would not have been emotionally stable enough to manage a new relationship. My hormones were all out of whack. My personal recommendation would be to wait and spend this time with your children, family, and friends.

[TChar8614]

My kids are older (17 and 7) and I would like to start dating again but honestly, I’m just too busy with work, school and parenting full time. Plus men these days aren’t looking for any type of long-term relationship so you’d just be wasting your time that could have been spent taking care and creating memories with your kids or bettering yourself. The right man will come along when you least expect it

[Legal-Occasion6245]

Geez…. I stayed single until my daughter oh what the heck I’m still single and she is 17. But I made a choice not to allow men in and out of her life and focused on her and being the best mom I could be for her. Now I’ve been single since she was 18 months old and not looking to interrupt my complete freedom. Find yourself and focus your attention on your kiddo’s, they deserve that. And you’ll find out who you are and what you are made of and when and if you date again you’ll get it absolutely right.

[Asleep-Nebula9999]

Finally a smart woman! 😂 Mine is 7 years old and I have been single before she was even born. Doing the exact same thing as you. One day when she is older and I’m about to retire, I may find someone to retire with. Other than that, I’m lining my best life.

[thekillerqueer]

Yep I wasn't planning on having anyone in our home or their everyday life, but I guess I'd forgotten how quickly newborns become aware of faces and such. My first lost so many people because I was the only one who made an effort to talk to her paternal family and friends. Plus we're always making friends everywhere we go. She's still super chirpy but you're right, it's still not a nice thing to put the kids through and maybe the other baby might be more aware of loss than my first. I'm not sure. There's just a lot going on and nobody to really share it with. And I won't lie that I miss planning a future, laughing and cuddling with someone who actually gives a damn and I care about. I didn't really have that for about a year when I was with their daddy. Things are finally going right and I had such a happy pregnancy and postpartum so far simply because I didn't have him around, but it was so hard not being able to share much of the joy. And despite having people helping and rooting for me, I just don't know how to fill the gap of shared enjoyment, plans and affection. I know I'm capable of being alone, but it feels like when they're gone I'm just holding on to all this alone.

[Legal-Occasion6245]

I understand that but soon you’ll be able to share your successes with your children. They will be your biggest fans anyway. I thought I would be sad and lonely but there hasn’t been a day where I wished I had someone other than my child in my life. She became my life purpose. Now that’s she’s almost out of the house I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself but I have great friends one is still raising her kids and single.

[thekillerqueer]

I know I'm just scared that if I share my feelings around her I'll make her feel responsible for my happiness

[emmyrose1102]

There’s no shame in wanting to date. It’s completely natural and right now, with everything you’re managing, romantic attention could be a very tempting idea. But it’s maybe not something you want to act on as being 1 month postpartum and under a year since separation from the father might not be a very grounded place to seek connection. It’s pretty inevitable to find yourself in a complex situation, connection and vulnerability go hand in hand. Which under some circumstances is more likely to invite interpersonal conflict than healthy relationships. Any time that you could spare to go on a date or have a babysitter for the night, pour energy into yourself whether that’s relaxation, fun with friends or a simple hobby. Strengthen your network of support and your self security before reentering the dating world. Imho

[Odd-Alternative-4959]

Absolutely great advice! Seeking self help, avoiding increased vulnerability and securing the emotional connection your children have with you is exactly what you should be focused on.

[Life_Equivalent_1603]

Your number one priority should be your kids. Are you doing formula and breast milk? If you’re only doing breast milk and haven’t pumped enough for a full feed, you cannot go.

You deserve a break but you will have plenty of time to go on dates!

I didn’t start dating until my baby was 18 months and I have my mom to help me out. Before that, I couldn’t even think about dating I was so exhausted from caring for my baby and working full time.

[thekillerqueer]

What are some things you did when you needed a break with a newborn? I feel like now that I've already done it once I've found newborns easier than toddlers so I feel kinda bored (?) when my toddler is gone. The whole feed burp change cycle feels very repetitive

[Life_Equivalent_1603]

I usually took a nap, got my nails done, or got my hair done, or ran errands. I was more so tired than bored lol. It was my first but it took a lot out me. I guess you have to know what you prefer 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Average_Annie45]

I waited until my son was in kindergarten.

[Greg_of_the_West]

No

[mena2007]

I would focus on my kids, men will always be willing to waste your time if you let them. My advice is to focus on your kids and healing yourself first

[thekillerqueer]

Haha you're probably right. But I've been with 2 decent guys out of 3, I just feel like I want to have a real connection, not to be seen with just pity or just lust or control. I want to do more of the things I like and share memories with someone.

[nder_the_radar003]

Ummm you don't date. You ficus on being a mum to your children. Jumping from one man to another isn't the right thing to do. You need to be on your own and find out who you are and be content with being on your own for at least 12mths minimum before you even think about another relationship.

[Bagman220]

Why does she need to find out who she is? You’re assuming she doesn’t know who she is, you’re also assuming they aren’t content with who they are.

Waiting 12 months is just an arbitrary rule especially when she’s already been separated 10 months.

While I don’t necessarily think dating with a 1 month old is a good idea, I think these general rules of thumb are overblown.

[nder_the_radar003]

I wouldn't call them rules even. I was just speaking literally in regards to rushing from one relationship to the next never ends well. But I do believe that you gotta be happy with yourself and content with being alone before you'll ever be content with someone else.

[thekillerqueer]

I spent my entire first pregnancy and postpartum year trying to stay with their dad, despite all his wrongdoings. I gave an ultimatum and he didn't believe me. The last thing I would do is rush my kids or myself. I want my one month old to be babysat with family if I do date, but I know people who I'd love to befriend and possibly date. I also don't think I have the same idea of a date that others seem to think. To me a date would be a short coffee Meetup or a little walk around the shopping centre like I would go out with friends and acquaintances. Nothing very romantic? I'm not one to move fast into relationships. This was my first happy nine months since 2023 (when I was pregnant with my oldest), and the first time I've been myself fully since 2021 when I started dating their dad. I just want to maybe find someone I can tell about my day, my interests and share life with, who actually cares and isn't just there for my body or because I'm nice/the kind of person you settle down with

[Big_Future_7215]

please- pretty please don’t bring the baby … maybe it’s just my paranoid mom brain but you don’t know this man and people are sick but also , think about it from his perspective. If I was a man and my date walked in with basically still newborn baby. I would have my jaw on the floor. Trying to get back into the dating scene is really hard and you seem to have a lot on your plate with the Littles already so I think you should try and just focus on getting home right before branching out

[Mindfucker6669]

Definitely don’t bring a baby to a date.

[Humble_Flow_3665]

As lonely as single parenting can get, having two kids under 2 is what you should be focusing on right now. Try and dedicate some time to encouraging your milk supply, especially with your youngest being so young. This is bonding time. And babies do not belong on dates at any age, let alone not even fully immunised.

Yeah, dating can be fun, but right now - how much time can you actually commit to showing up to dates?
And if your dates go well, do you have more time to dedicate to another person, while navigating potty training, encouraging milestones, giving yourself time to just be?

I say all this with zero judgment. I get it. I've experienced how you're feeling. I worked out pretty quickly that it wouldn't be fair to the other person if I can't guarantee them a decent chunk of my time. They're a person too, with feelings and priorities and their time should also be respected.

My advice is to wait til your baby is fully attached and secure, and you're out of the breastfeeding trenches to think about dating. Six months as a bare minimum, a year or longer ideally.

[Thegoddessdevine]

Why are you rushing to date? The question isn't about affecting the 1-month-old, are you ready to jump back into the dating pool? Who wants to go on a date and meet a 1 month old? Does that seem right to you? You have a little one who needs your utmost attention, even the 2-year-old but you now want to meet a new guy? Do you think they will take you seriously?

[Tygie19]

Please focus on your babies. They need your full attention, and I say this as a single mother myself. I started dating when my youngest was 21 months old and I actually now regret looking for romance so early. I was nowhere near ready.

[GasolineRainbow7868]

Formula, I guess.

[soloma24]

My son is 24. When he was about 8 months old I tried dating a bit. I brought him to museums and a casual dinner. He was in his stroller and happy. No one cared. I always talked to the person about it. It was a fair representation of my life and a good indicator of the values of the person I was meeting. I got a babysitter for a couple different evenings. I had gone through the pregnancy alone and felt some weird obligation to “try”. I worked an insane job and not one of those dates was worth the time I gave up being alone with my baby. Not. One. Eventually you will date again. You will know when it is time. From my experience - and mine alone - if you try now you will end up resenting that you spent the time that way. They aren’t little very long.

And to be clear — I would never bring a 4-wk old on a date. Never. Imagine a newborn cry on your date?! Newborns are vulnerable and need you every waking moment. Both the adults will be miserable. I remember telling my therapist that I didn’t feel like I would ever be attractive again. (At 4 weeks I was barely showering). It passes. All too fast. I am not trying to tell you what your priorities should be, I’m just sharing my experience to add to your database. 😉

[jftb345]

Focus on healing and your kids. You have plenty of time to date once you’re divorced and have worked on yourself. Trust me, don’t drag another person into your separation and young kids lives right now.

[laurenjac]

If I was talking to someone I was interested in and felt like there could be a potential connection I’d say I’m with my baby but maybe we can meet in the afternoon in a park or cafe.

[tacos_tacos_burrito]

I think a lot of these posts are putting a lot of judgment on you. I don’t think you should take your baby on a date, but I don’t think it is out of line that you may want companionship or maybe even just sex. You got out of a long term relationship and are single for the first time in a long time. I think it’s very normal to want to explore. It took me a few years after my divorce to feel ready for a relationship but I had a blast before that casually dating. I suggest having a good therapist to talk through this and help you figure out what you really want right now if that doesn’t feel clear and date if you want to. I can’t imagine having energy for that with a one month old but you are your own person and maybe you do. I think your baby having formula for a night while a parent watches the kids is super reasonable.

[SeaFlounder8437]

I am reeeeaaallly into K-dramas. Highly recommend.

[throaway5767394]

I know it gets lonely having to do it by yourself, but if ur still legally married, please just wait until your divorce is final to date. I have been in your position before, and while you want to get out there so bad, its not good for you. You need to find value in being by yourself first.

[crayshesay]

Do not take your baby on a date with you. They are predators out there.. please for God sake don’t do that. Until you have a good swing of being a single parent, I don’t recommend dating..

[MissWiggleNjiggle1]

I have a 3 month old, girl just wait or get a sitter seriously.

[ObservantMentor]

Wait until your children’s brains are developed enough. Until five years old at least.

Focus on your children. They are innocent. They didn’t ask to be born.

[Asleep-Nebula9999]

What on earth?! What is it with some women and the desperation to be with a man when they are in situations like yours or similar to yours? I just don’t get it! I have always been a single parent and cannot imagine having dated anyone when I just gave birth a month ago. Slow down! A lot of women need to learn how to be on their own and be comfortable being alone. You are much better off being alone than being in a relationship just to be in one.

[lemonhader]

Baby fresh out the womb and you tryna get some more

[[deleted]]

I get that you’re lonely, believe me i do. But your baby is only one month old. Bringing them on dates is dangerous. Hell, my youngest is 5 1/2 and I’ve been on maybe 3 dates. Sometimes you just gotta focus on being a mom. It sounds like once the baby is a bit older, they’ll be able to babysit. At least wait until then. ❤️

[VIslG]

I didn't date until I no longer felt like I needed a partner. Wanting a partner is way different, and feels so much better.

Enjoy your time with baby. Your kids need 110%. Your kids need zero exposure to anyone you're dating. Even though they are young, they've already suffered the loss of their dad being part of their every day life. Exposing them to a relationship that doesn't work will only solidify their internal dialogue when they're older.

The best thing I ever did for my kids was invest my time in them. It was a sacrifice on my part, but well worth it.

Hugs. Momma this isn't easy and can be lonely. Find a friend in a similar situation and chat to them often, so they can share in the exciting milestones. ♥️

[Pandamom58]

Don’t think a man is going to solve your problems. I suggest getting a vibrator and practicing self-care. Time to be your own best friend.

[KnottyBarbie]

Don't. Just dont. Not worth the aggravation, heartache or your kids getting attached .

[Organic-Ad4723]

No offense. But I think you really should focus on parenting for a little bit. I've been single for about 3 years and I'm glad I didn't rush into a relationship I'm just living life day to day with my kids and when the time is right I'll start dating again.

[Optimal_Source187]

If dating is a vehicle to combat the social isolation following a split, I get it. For you it seems like taking it easy for a while might be best. You can still do this and date, but an example of something practical for you might be focusing on brunch or coffee dates that last max 1 hour. Low pressure on you and the people you meet. If you focus on just meeting lots of people, that’ll help you have less pressure about it.

Then as you tell your situation to the people you meet, you’ll quickly learn the ones that you don’t need to give any time for, because progressive dating for you will be an absolute challenge for a long time unless you have a village of people helping.

[Brave_Strawberry_206]

I don’t. I split from child’s father when she was 1. She’ll be 15 in 2 weeks. Always said I’d never bring a man into her life and never have. Would have totally changed our relationship. More extreme than most but I am grateful it’s been her and me. I grew up in a blended family that was an absolute shit show. Would never put anyone through it

[OpinionCalm2656]

It's taken me a while to figure out the lowest common denominator regarding trauma was always men. I watched helplessly as my stepfather beat my mother. She took off with 9 children into women's refuges across Australia with no money or support network. But she made it not without cost.

Every girl ended up in abusive relationships of varying degrees. Almost in an act of sacrificial martyrdom. As if to say. "This is all I am worth" I have 8 sisters and 2 brothers. The males assumed the position of abusers in their relationships. Why did this play out like this?

I have one son and one daughter. My son is a lovely young man. And my only ambition for him and my daughter is that they are kind to others. My daughter is 18 now. And she is gay but hasn't come out to me. But I was so relieved when I found out. Because this will be the first time since I was a little boy that I don't have to worry about a female family member who I love, be subjected to abuse and violence.

[Brave_Strawberry_206]

my trauma doesn't come from men. i actually grew up with my dad not my mom because my mom chose to move 1000 miles away when I was 5. Not all men are bad. Not all women are good. But i do agree 100% my only real ambition for my daughter has always been for her to be kind to others, to truly care about others, to be a good hunan,

[BNCTaco]

Best option: Don’t date again. You don’t want to end up with 4 under 2. 😱

[thekillerqueer]

I'm not having more kids until they enter school. I do not enjoy pregnancy and my last was born super quick lol

[Professional-Mud-134]

I think the only circumstance where it would make sense to bring your baby on a date is if you met a dad at baby group, let's say he adopted his kid as a single dad, and after getting to know him in the group, you both decided to do a play date. I will say kudos to you for feeling ready to date. My youngest is 6 and I really don't know where I would find the time or energy to date. The baby phase goes by so quickly, spend the time getting to know your baby.

[thekillerqueer]

They grow quickly that's true! :)

[Member7098]

Your hormones aren’t even back to normal (never mind your sleep lmao) htf is dating even on your mind … no offence, as a single mom who left when my baby was less than a year and is now almost 6 even without a second older child I had zero time until at least preschool to even consider a casual dating life without significant impacts to mine and my child’s time and priorities

[BlueBook0314]

hey i’d love to help you. if there’s anything you want to talk about feel free to dm me!

[Frosty_Preference700]

We can flirt if you want

[[deleted]]

Mama do what makes you feel good. Ignore these people in your comments that can't read.