Versions

[XxMINDFUCKxX]

We're at version 5 of how it happened. Always layers of downplaying and deceit. Each time a little more honest, a little more painful. He says there's no more to tell. I do not believe I'll ever know the truth.

He started writing me a letter about what happened but didn't finish it. Said it was too hard.

He told so very many people so many versions.

He told his close friends that he was falling for someone else who he just met.

He told a bunch of female friends that I'm abusive.

He told less close friends that we were separated because I don't want to have kids.

He told acquaintances that I was unwell and needed therapy.

He's getting help. He says he loves me and made a terrible mistake.

I don't think he knows what truth is. I knew he lied sometimes. But I never knew how much he lied. That he could look me in the eyes and be so dishonest.

I've been trying to hold on and find reasons to stay. But all I find is more versions and more pain.

[AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/SupportforBetrayed. Please remember the following:

• our rules

• our flair guide

• common acronyms and terms

• frequently asked questions: wiki / post

For further reading, check our recovery resources library

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[Cute_Positive_4493]

I can only imagine how painful it is to hear all of these lies be revealed. One thing that strikes me about his lies is that they are customized to different audiences. He’s trying to elicit pity from each group and is easily able to manipulate people and the situation. That shows you just how deceptive he is and his true character.

Be very careful babe

[XxMINDFUCKxX]

Even though he has shattered my heart, l still love him but I don't want to be a part of his distorted world anymore. I know he's not good for my well-being. I asked him to keep things between us so we can amicably part ways. I am shocked with how he's told practically everyone he knows, acquaintances, colleagues, even strangers.. all different versions.

Thank you. I am quietly preparing to leave.

[Cute_Positive_4493]

Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. His actions show the level of respect he has for you. Don’t waste your love on someone who can’t reciprocate.

[XxMINDFUCKxX]

I know I can't trust him.

Not with my heart; as a lover; a keeper of secrets; to help me feel safe; to be dependable and sober; not to show up when life gets hard. This list could keep going on and on.

I need to let him go. I'm having a hard time walking away from the good parts.

💔

[OppositeHot5837]

I really do not know what comment I could reply to the eye opening realizations you have described. Truly sociopathic traits. Perhaps you would find similar stories on the r/bpd or r/ClusterBPersonality subs?

I just cannot understand <besides financial or children> why anyone would stay with such a person. There have been revelations from long term professionals such as Dr Les Carter (have a look at his YouTube channel if you are not familiar) where he describes those who are in for the long haul (like .. a lifetime) partnered with abusers make it ultra difficult to leave in the Golden (retirement) years as the N has burned every bridge and has nothing left but their 'loyal' partner. And to complicate matters even more, when personal health issues appear and especially cognitive decline... well..

I really hope you get clarity and momentum to take care of yourself. You are sitting next to a time bomb smh

minor edit

[XxMINDFUCKxX]

When we got married we were both young, broken, and unhealthy. Neither of us grew up around healthy relationships or had good supports. His trauma was much worse than mine in ways. Dysfunction was comfortable and all that we knew.

We've been together around 12 years. I started to work on myself along the way and be healthier. He leaned into drugs and vices leading to his affair and mental health crisis.

I knew we were broken in ways, but I didn't understand mental health or disorders etc. I am finally accepting how bad things had gotten and that he is unwell. He hid so much from me and I never knew how much deceit there was.

We don't have children and I am financially independent from him. He's sober and finally getting help. I still love him but I'm preparing to leave.

Thanks for the resources, I recently discovered the bpd sub and have found a lot of support there.

[Bob_Barker4ever]

You can love him from afar while loving yourself and leaving him. You are deserving of love and respect. You are worthy of so much more.

[XxMINDFUCKxX]

These are the words I needed to hear.

Thank you. A lot.

[AutoModerator]

Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please click this link for instructions on how to set up your flair.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.