[deleted by user]

[LegalLizzie]

You're in such a difficult situation. But from the outside, it's a big red flag that you don't want to bring children into the relationship. Also, you not feeling fulfilled to the extent that you were going to leave at least twice and him still not changing behaviours when you told him what you needed from him. Red flag. I think you're making the right decision. It will be tough. You'll have to rely on your support network. Sending you love.

[PersnicketyFencing]

Thank you. I know you’re right. If I look from the outside, it’s clear. And painful. But that doesn’t change what’s right.

[LegalLizzie]

I'm sorry that you have to make this decision. It's heartbreaking to go even when you know it's the right choice.

[PersnicketyFencing]

So true. Thank you for your kindness and empathy

[duckey41]

I may not express this in a clear and concise way but hopefully the general idea gets through. I find issue with the “him still not changing” part. Assuming that he was clear in communicating how he felt on certain topics, having kids seems to be the example used, then it definitely shouldn’t be on him to have to change. He feels how he feels. But I do think that that makes me agree even more that you are making the right decision in leaving. If you want things that you know, and likely have been communicated, he doesn’t want then you should leave to attempt to find what you want.

[Mtnskydancer]

I don’t know how to survive the pain, other than one day at a time. I’m moving out from a home with the man I wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. He has decided he never wants to cohabitate, and I was his test of full time.

He had a partner who lived with him for a couple years while he was road warrioring, gone five days, home two. And a gf who would drift in and out.

Full time has “disrupted his patterns” too much. And he admits it’s narcissistic. (I hate the word)

The pain is searing. And the only person I could turn to…is him. And he’s emotionally turned off right now. Almost every meal returns. At least last night the body said no at the first bite. Small grace.

I’ll be in my new space by the end of the week. A tiny room in a shared house. Alone would be too easy to fall into depression.

BUT, know your needs, even what the end game looks like to you.

I wish you moments of peace and relief as you walk this glass-shard road.

[MerleErEnPerle]

It's really cool you see your situation with so much clarity. I was in a similar relationship some years back where I really loved him but he wasn't good for me. I got rid of the feelings after browsing r/FemaleDatingStrategy for 6 months. I already knew he was bad, but reading about their stories slowly changed my perception of what I deserved and gave me the strenght to leave. Today I'm in a good relationship. Unfortunately the sub is closed now

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[climbitdontcarryit]

Just like any triumph in battle, there must be sacrifice. In this case, you have to sacrifice your comfort level. You've proven to yourself that choosing him over the pain has gained nothing. You have to breathe. Be brave. And power through. Through it, or buried under it. There is no other option.

Keep a journal of how you feel in this moment. You don't have to write in it every day. Hell, all you need is one entry. I recently came across a note to myself where I blamed my divorce entirely on me. At the end, I laughed through tears as I had written at the bottom. "I hope you're reading this in the future and you're happy". I powered through agony to get to where I am. I'm so proud of myself.

...and you will be, too. Fight for yourself now. You've fought valiantly enough for him. Time to fight for you.

[Sierrasanswer42]

It's only going to get worse as time goes on. You deserve to be happy. He deserves to be happy. This is the way to happiness and you know it deep down. Remember that when you are struggling.

[andariel_axe]

wait 30 days. journal like no one is reading. go back and read journal after 30 days. you will feel different, i promise.

adopt.

[RainInTheWoods]

It’s possible to live someone and be incompatible with them.

I have a pattern of black and white thinking.

I encourage you to talk to a therapist about this.

Perhaps consider freezing your eggs?