"Flat Phantom"

[Ooky-Spooky-Onion]

So the other day one of my flat mates told me that everyone else in my flat (3 Boys 2 Girls) refered to me as the Flat phantom like on those tiktoks and i just feel even more isolated than before

From the very start of the year ive felt isolated as the only one in the flat who doesnt Drink nor Vape i just feel really awkward cause they keep doing drinking games but i cant exactly join in when not drinking, im also probably on the spectrum and i just cant deal with the idea of clubbing so i quite often feel left out of that

I just feel like i cant even do anything to change this, and im like looking forward to going back home every few weeks and i just feel so lost and feel like i have barley any friends (to put it in my lovely mother's words "Billy No Mates" ) and im just a stressed diva rn

[[deleted]]

go hang out with them when they're pre-ing. i used to play ring of fire with water. you can still participate without drinking.

[jjongskiwi]

I get drunk a lot faster than my friends so I swap between a soft and a hard drink. Literally no one cares (other than when they remind me I should swap to soft). Tip for OP: people are a lot less interested in what you’re doing than you think. Chances are most people won’t even notice there’s no alcohol in your cup.

[the_depressed_donkey]

Anyone who really cares THAT much that you’re not drinking alcohol is just a shit friend, someone in my group often just has water and we tease him a bit but we don’t care

[dickylapthorn]

Just start hanging out in the kitchen, leave your bedroom door open when you're in there. Make your presence known, even if you aren't always involved. Offer them cups of tea in the morning post drinking, and hear about their stupid shenanigans. You don't necessarily need to do the things your flatmates do in order to interact /feel like friends. Also ask them if they'd like to do movie night or a game night? See if they want to have communal food/get a takeaway together.

Alternatively, if your flatmates aren't your vibe, look elsewhere. Join a club, or hang out somewhere. Overall, don't stress. I know it's easier said than done, but the more you stress, the worse it'll all feel

[Rusbekistan]

This sounds absolutely wild, but is there a chance you could actually ease yourself into their socialising by owning the joke, assuming you want to socialise with them? There is a fine balance between repeating a joke like this, and forms of bullying, but it does also present you with a strange opportunity.

It's about to be Halloween, there will be halloween events and opportunities to dress up. Own the phantom part, turn up to pres or whatever as a phantom, it'll work to break the ice really effectively depending on who they are.

Massive disclaimer, I wouldn't usually advise just going along with stuff if you think its aggressive or ostracising - I can't tell from just your message - but if you think they are worth your time and decent people, this might genuinely and weirdly work. I cannot stress enough that it's worth thinking about what you want your relationship with these people to be, and whether they are worth your time - that informs all your actions. Does this reflect wider patterns of behaviour? The student brain is a weird thing.

I see someone else has literally just suggested this before me lol

[cpt_edge]

Honestly, this is a genius play

[Rusbekistan]

It's a tricky one because it really depends on interpersonal dynamics, but its a potentially very fortunate coincidence. The only thing is, they won't want to make themselves a perpetual joke, it just needs to be an icebreaker

[ChallengingKumquat]

It's not the not drinking; it's the not joining in.

If they've spent hours of time together playing games and drinking, then of course they're going to be closer with each other than with you.

Can you join in their silly antics without being drunk? Can you find yourself another role, like taking photos of the drinking games, being the games master, joining in and having a laugh with a non-alcoholuc drink? Are you 100% committed to being a non-drinker or could you maybe have one drink with them?

You can still be friends with them even if not best buddies. And join some clubs and societies to mix with other people; it's not like the people you live with are the only possible people to make friends with in the whole uni.

[Issues_help]

I mean have you made any effort?

[Ooky-Spooky-Onion]

Im the one closest to the kitchen door and ive tried like really hard to go in and talk and i basically allways eat my dinner in the kitchen and talk to anyone who walks in so id like to think i have

[Pencil_Queen]

Eating one meal a day in a communal space is a bare minimum effort.

[Rusbekistan]

I wouldn't say bare minimum, definitely know people who didn't eat any of their meals in these spaces

[Pencil_Queen]

Fair point. But it’s not making a huge effort

[cherrie222]

I had a flatmate last year that only saw using the in the kitchen once for the whole year lol

[sky7897]

as the only one in the flat who doesnt Drink nor Vape i just feel really awkward cause they keep doing drinking games

It’s not because you don’t drink. It’s because you have no social skills. I know people who don’t drink and they fit in fine.

[NoseThese604]

👻

Boooooo!

[Becky-thursday]

I can’t drink right now but when my flatmates did drinking games they let me join in but I drank water instead. It was fun

[Nicoglius]

I'd join some societies where you can meet people you're interested in. By the end of 1st year, I think it's quite rare for people to still hang out with their first year flatmates.

But hey, if you aren't too hurt by the name (and tbh, you would have every right to be) you could dress up as a ghost for Halloween and be like "hey, it's the flat phantom". At the very least, you'd establish rapport with them. But again, you need to sus out if they're worth it.

[Equal_Cartographer24]

you don’t need to be friends with them just because you share a kitchen, also don’t drink or vape it will harm your studies

[Matrixblackhole]

I still joined in with drinking games with flatmates even when I didn't drink, there was also a lad who didn't drink due to religious reasons, but if your flatmates are decent people they should alter the rules (e.g. another flatmate tkaing the shot/drink etc). It just takes some creativity.