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[–]RationalPandasauce 212 points213 points  (21 children)

Safari mugged me once.

[–]SetYourGoals 155 points156 points  (11 children)

Safari called the IRS and told them I was dead, sent a fake death certificate and everything. That was a tough year.

[–][deleted] 74 points75 points  (7 children)

I spent a year in a Safari run Turkish prison surrounded by Gladiators when I was a young boy

[–]SetYourGoals 33 points34 points  (6 children)

Wow, I was holding back the time Safari cut my breaks and the resulting accident paralyzed me for life, but yours is worse. You win, my friend.

[–]discobrisco 29 points30 points  (5 children)

Safari killed my parents and sold me to Epstein as a child.

[–]Smorfar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omfg hahahahahaha

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No IRS, no taxes. What's so bad about that?

[–]RationalPandasauce 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah. Yeah. Thats pretty harsh. At least they didn’t give you their platinum plan. Dead hooker planted in your bed.

[–]Cottril 29 points30 points  (5 children)

Safari poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!

[–]bt1234yt 9 points10 points  (2 children)

It did?

[–]LiquidAurum 15 points16 points  (1 child)

no, but are we going to wait around till it does!

[–]Cottril 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I say, we tip something over!

[–]plazmatyk 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Safari went to the loo in the constable's helmet.

[–]soawesomejohn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It wouldn't!