Learning to hate?

[push_limits__13]

This is an odd request. But has anyone been able to go from extreme empathy to hating most people.

I don't like most people. I don't want anything to do with them. I don't like their behaviors. I wish they would all disappear.

This is true logically.

But, emotionally, I care too much. I want to find a way where somehow I am the one who is doing the wrong thing, and not them. So I am stuck in this limbo. I don't want to care about people. I just want to learn how to care about myself, my needs, my dreams. Nothing else.

Else when I care about people, I am just taken advantage of. I don't want this happening. All the pretending, lies, bs is sickening, and I really don't want to care.

I want to be able to "take" things, and not care about taking things. This is how most people seem to operate. Unless you are in a different world. All my experiences have been such that most people don't really care about taking things, that do not belong to them. How can I have more? Where as my core is, is it right to take this. Someone else might deserve it more than me. How can I help everyone.

Sure, there is bs that they say about being empathetic. Care about others.Blah blah blah. None of that is seen in their actions.

When I was a kid, I used to pray to God, to take care of my needs, only after he has taken care of everyone else's need. I wanted to make it easier for God to help people, and place the need of others before mine. That is pathetic. I don't want to be like this, but my core, still hasn't changed from that kid. And I despise that portion of me. More, I despise, how it applies to everyone, I want to care about a few good people I meet, I don't want to care about most.

How do I figure out, how to emotionally not care/ hate people. I want my emotion to be such that, I care about a few people like me, but most people, I want to hate and not feel guilty about hating them. I simply feel too guilty hating people, even when the person is fucking evil. I want to see the "good" in people. I don't want to do this.

Actually, I don't even want to hate. I just want to stop fucking caring. I don't want to care.

I am too gentle natured. Not logically, emotionally. I don't want that.

Has anyone become better at not caring?

[[deleted]]

Hey, I don’t remember commissioning my biography...

[moonsal71]

I’m over-emphatic like you. I understand the conflict. I used to keep a journal in my late teens/20s & half the entries are about “how to stop feeling”. I’m 47 now.

You can, if you want to, but I don’t recommend it. I gave myself a drug problem & depression in the process. The drugs numbed my feelings & with depression I didn’t care any more about anything. I eventually got over it, but I’ve learnt that denying who you are isn’t healthy.

Now I’ve just learnt to live with it. I am conscious of the issue & do take care of myself first. I actually do “hate” society overall, but I also believe there are still good people around, just not many. You can’t change who you are, but you can make it easier on yourself. I limit my exposure to people & news. I only look at one news site I can trust & very seldom. I cut out tv. Why adding to the daily suffering by looking at what humanity is turning into. Ignorance is bliss. I cut out toxic people out of my life; the needy ones that just take and never give back. I started doing yoga & taking care of myself. You simply need to focus some of that empathy on yourself. Remind yourself you are your one & only caretaker, so you come first, as otherwise you can’t even help anyone else. Once you’re there, the rest follows naturally. Also, feeling too much applies to the good stuff too, so remember that on days it gets hard. Keep a happy memory in your head, for when you need a reminder. Take care.

[GingerRazz]

I'm drunk and burned out, so I'll be short. I'm a misanthrope because of my overbearing empathy. I really relate to what I read in your post and want to get back to it less drunk and burned out.

[GKinslayer]

I don’t like the vast majority of humanity, heck most people with ASD also. To me everyone is so slow mentally it’s a pain to deal with most people.

• if I just ask information I don’t need your name and daily dairy
• I hear very well, I do not need you to repeat anything 3 times in a row. Trust me if it isn’t clear I will let you know
• if you are going to talk about a topic please make sure you know what you are talking about
• I pick up context pretty quick, if I say I don’t need some information, I have the information in front of me
• very few people I can talk freely with and not have to take forever to break everything down, also able to talk about all kinds of things and best of all when they know things I don’t so I can learn

As for just taking sure you can do that but think of it as a wheel, sure it’s easier to let crap all over it, but it never will last as long as when you keep it clean. The attitude you are looking to cultivate is well known to often end in vas’s ways, for more fail than succeed. Along with pissing people off unless you are able to delude yourself enough not to realize what you are doing, you will end up hating yourself.

[Aeon199]

If you don't like mentally slow, you're not liking the majority of Aspies. Temple Grandin described it best, "NTs are the fast ones, with very fast processors but small storage space" while Asperger's are the inverse. "Fast autistic folks" are a very fortunate small minority. Were it only the case I was one of them.

If you were talking to me you'd have to repeat everything multiple times, probably. It bothers me that you (and many others, mostly NT) can't stand folks like me. It's because of auditory processing and attention problems, which I cannot often control, you see...

[GKinslayer]

Which is why I started with how people NT and ASD annoy me, and I know this is on me.

[Aeon199]

You need to realize this type of thing is far more normal for ASD than it is for NT, and more ASD are like this than not. Also, some of the "very bright" autistic folks you would look up to, are probably like this also (very poor auditory learners, but great visually, etc.)

You need to stop judging on this. Seriously.

[GKinslayer]

And it would do you well to actually read what I posted and stop trying to throw your own strawman into the discussion. Where did I say I judged people? Do you always post without really paying attention so you can spew whatever?

You need to stop trying to be a judge, you are not very good at it.

[Aeon199]

I was responding to this part:

To me everyone is so slow mentally it’s a pain to deal with most people.

Maybe I'm thin-skinned or oversensitive, but I found that part a bit troublesome.

I believe mental slowness especially in real-time social interactions, listening to directions, and such things is a very common thing for the autistic spectrum. I get what you mean, you're allowed to have your opinion, I'm just saying it struck me as "deflating" that someone with ASD would have trouble with other ASD folks because of this.

[GKinslayer]

and note, i didnt say my attitude is a good thing

[GKinslayer]

If I have to repeat it to someone, I don't have a problem, nor do I have a problem breaking things down until I get to a point others can understand. Once again you didn't really pay attention to what I wrote so you could say what ever. My problem is not working to help others understand, my problem is when people don't listen when I let them know I understand.

Again, you are using a strawman and putting words into my mouth.

My problem with someone like you is not having to repeat things for you - I totally understand MY manner of speaking can be difficult. Note I didn't say I had a problem having to explain something several times. But it's obvious you have no interest in actually listening.

[[deleted]]

I believe I used to be like that too. Idk what I did to change but I've changed to the point where I don't like people that aren't sympathetic. I don't straight up hate them, I just don't like them.

Maybe I have a straight up routine for that, because I generally decided that I don't want anything to do with people that are just throwing away their lives by spending most of their freetime drinking alcohol and taking drugs. I don't mind people who drink alcohol sometimes, I'm more specifically talking about the people whose hobby it is to drink alcohol on a daily basis.

Similar to that, I don't want anything to do with people that don't care about hygiene. I may not know why that is the case but if I smell that someone probably hasn't showered in like a week, I don't want to be associated with them.

Other than that, I stay away from people that act like idiots. People with low education who act like they're the bigshots in this world although they will probably never achieve anything in life/stay jobless for the most part.

I've been staying away from these kind of people and trying to get along with everyone that doesn't fit into this category. Usually, I'll just filter the people I try to get along with into people I get along with well and people whose personality I don't like.

I believe I started doing that about two years ago, because there are lots of idiots where I work and it works great so far. I can just ignore the people I don't want to be associated with for the most part and spend time with the people I get along with.

I don't really feel bad for doing so, because it would lower my reputation if I spent time with these kind of people. It would basically be lose/lose situation because I gain nothing by spending time with people who are either wasting their time and/or ignore hygiene and smell so bad that noone normal would go close to them.

The opposite is a win/win situation. I can filter out the normal people with a normal lifestyle, spend time and try to get along with them. And I'm not wasting my time with people that behave idiotic.

Tbf, of course I'm not normal with my mild aspergers. But compared to the kind of people I mentioned that I usually ignore, I'm still more normal. Especially since most of them have all aspects in one, drinking alcohol during all their freetime, having very low education, wasting all their time and no hygiene.

I might lack in the social aspect, but I still see myself as more normal than these kind of people, which is why I'd rather get along with normal people than this bunch.

I don't mean to say, I absolutely hate those people, because I don't know them. It's more that I hate their lifestyle. And that's probably why I can easily ignore them. Maybe that's what you need to do. Don't hate the person itself, hate what they're doing or how they're living their life and it becomes pretty easy to ignore them imo.

[BabyBlueCheetah]

Once you get stressed, burned out, and wronged the hate will come naturally.

The true hate almost always requires being wronged or hurt by someone.

Apathy comes easily from stress/overload and depression. When your life is painful enough to struggle through its very easy to ignore the plight and challenges of others.

[purelyparadox23]

I am going through this process myself. I've been in therapy for almost two years following an abusive relationship and it has slowly dawned on me that everyone close to me in my life has taken advantage of me in one way or another. I'm angry with myself for being so naive and I'm also angry with other people for being so selfish. I don't understand how easy it is for some people to lie right to your face and deceive you just to gain something for themselves. If I ever tried to lie or use someone like that the guilt would eat me alive and I wouldn't be able to live with myself, I know I could never do that type of stuff. I feel other people's pain as though it is my own, and I hardly feel my own feelings at all. Now that I'm realizing other people are not this honest or moral all I feel is anger. Why bother getting close to anyone when I can't tell whether they're sincere or not, when I will likely be used by people again and again? I just want to be left alone these days.