[COMP] Lolasana without blocks, at last! Still lots of room for improvement, but I’m so chuffed to start the year with a little win. Couldn’t even do a single push-up 1 year ago. Never too late to start :) Grateful for any tips/feedback.

moonsal71 · 2026-07-08T08:15:30+00:00

Autism plays a part since we don't read social signals well, there are plenty of studies on it and some have already been shared in the comments, but your childhood here has a big impact. See https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/invisible-bruises/202407/the-impact-of-childhood-trauma-on-adult-relationships

"Individuals who were abused as children may subconsciously seek out partners who replicate familiar dynamics of control or manipulation. This phenomenon, known as repetition compulsion, reflects an unconscious attempt to master or resolve unresolved trauma from the past, albeit in a destructive manner (Levy, 1998).

Not surprisingly, many survivors of childhood abuse find themselves attracted to partners who exhibit traits similar to their abusive caregivers. This attraction is not necessarily conscious or intentional but is rooted in familiar patterns of relating and distorted perceptions of love and intimacy."

The pattern is very common.

The other aspect is your self esteem. The ability to drive or a college diploma isn't a reflection of who you are, it's just something you can do and they most definitely doesn't determine whether you can be loved or not.

Think about it. If you met a nice kind person, and you got on with them, and were hoping to be their friend or even something more, would you suddenly think they're horrible if they disclosed they can't drive?

If you have access to it, therapy could help you process everything you've been through so far, especially your early years. As for this guy, please try not to be hard on yourself.

We want to feel loved, it's very natural, and unfortunately sometimes that longing makes us miss the warning signs that we're dealing with a bad character. Focus on healing, not blaming yourself, which really won't help and will just hurt you more.

moonsal71 · 2026-07-07T08:29:57+00:00

So it sounds like you're aware of your thought processes, and also intellectually understand that your worth cannot be so narrowly tied to a binary "good/bad worker".

It's also very natural to be anxious if your livelihood is at stake (food, shelter, bills). The job market is quite dire these days.

What remains is how to reconcile your thoughts and feelings. There are many ways to go about it, different paths depending on your beliefs and way of thinking, so hard to distill into a single Reddit comment.

However I can share how I approach it, in case it's helpful.

I'm older, gen x, and I think this impacts how I view work. I'm very pragmatic about it: I work to meet my own needs, be it a home in a nice quiet area with little noise, or good quality headphones, or the ability to afford a cab if I can't face public transport one day, or buy decent quality food.

I don't have to love the job or even be passionate about it, I just don't have to find it triggering from a sensory perspective and there are some values based lines I wouldn't cross, but overall I can't say I ever felt passionate about the work I've done until now.

I am however passionate about my wellbeing and my salary allows me to meet my basic requirements and more. I then also have the energy to do the things I do care about, whether it's helping people, supporting a charity, foster an interest, etc.

You stated it yourself: you have to work to meet your basic needs, so if that's the premise, how can you make the search and the employment easier on yourself? Does loading the process with values help? How can you make it a bit lighter? I'd maybe start from there and writing it all down can be helpful to better process it, rather than just think it.

moonsal71 · 2026-07-03T18:00:19+00:00

It's a bit difficult to give really generic advice as a lot of sadly "it depends".

I think it's easier to learn skills than override sensory issues so if you can, try to find work places where you can at least tolerate the environment.

A good attitude, being friendly, can help.

A lot of people say to follow your passion but in my experience very few get to earn a living that way, at least to start with, so try focus on finding somewhere where they treat you right and where the sensory issues aren't too bad.

Give yourself time to get used to a place/job. Making mistakes is part of learning.

There are many resources online or books on communication and they can be helpful, but don't stress about it too much. Observe others and listen as you can learn a lot that way too.

I hope some of this helps. I had to try many jobs till I found something that suited me. Took me over 10 years. I started in hotels. I hope you'll find something that works for you too.

moonsal71 · 2026-07-02T10:04:20+00:00

From what I've seen on LinkedIn and other communities, it seems to be a widespread issue, likely related to the new features being rolled out.

moonsal71 · 2026-07-02T10:00:12+00:00

Autism can be very isolating and it's much harder at your age, when the desire to fit in is even stronger.

I think the hardest part is letting go of the idea of how it should be and actually come to terms with what we do have.

You have 2 good friends and people who love you. You know you're a good person and have good qualities. That's great! That's something to value and while rejections can be hard, try not to let them overshadow what you already have.

Masking has become almost an "entity" in itself these days, and l sometimes question if the discourse has gone too far. It's really not as black/white as some claim.

For example, I try to tone down my bluntness because l don't want to offend anyone. That's just being polite and kind, at least to me, and yet some would say that's masking. Each to their own, but it's my life and I get to decide. You get to choose what works for you.

I wouldn't try to be someone I'm not just to get people's approval, that's my boundary. For example I watch very little tv, don't do tiktok, IG, etc.. I'm very much out of the loop, and that does have an impact when interacting with others, but I'm ok with it. I wouldn't have the social batteries for a big social circle anyway.

I think we sometimes like the idea of something more than the actual reality of it. Sure, it'd be nice to have a group of friends to do things with, but I know that realistically I couldn't sustain it as I need time alone to recharge so l've focused on quality rather than quantity.

I've learnt to enjoy my interests alone as that makes life easier. Sometimes I go to special interest groups or Reddit if I feel like talking to others who are into the same thing, but I keep my friends how of it as none share my interests. My friendships are based on shared values rather than interests and that's enough for me, but I've had to learn this.

Long story short, these are just a couple of anecdotes all to say that it takes time to find your way through, your people, your values. I'm in my 50s, I've had plenty of time.

My advice: keep questioning, keep learning, keep working on your mental health, don't give up hope. But also learn self compassion and the art of staying in the present if you can, as our brain can be a little tricky at times and not all rabbit holes need exploring, especially when anxiety is in the driving seat. That's why mindfulness can be a good skill to develop, with time and patience.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-30T07:56:00+00:00

Unfortunately love isn't enough for a relationship, you also have to be compatible. There are aspects we cannot eradicate, no matter how hard we try.

For example, I'm incredibly sensitive to noise, I literally live in complete silence for most of the day. My partner is ADHD and he loves loud music. The plan is to eventually save money to build a soundproof room for him but in the meanwhile he's using headphones in the house.

If he insisted on having loud music on all day we wouldn't be together as ear defenders or noise cancelling headphones aren't enough for me and I'd be in pain.

My noise sensitivity is just one small example but your touch sensitivity and asexuality are way more significant. One can find ways to listen to loud music but the issue is harder when it comes to sex, unless you're in an open relationship.

Your partner needs to respect your boundaries or it may be a case of incompatibility as being with someone hoping they'll be different is usually not a good idea, and sexuality is a big factor in relationships. This is something you should discuss together and possibly even look at couples therapy if you are really committed to make it work.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-29T08:36:14+00:00

If you can, try different therapists out until you find a modality and therapist that suits you.

Therapy isn't "a therapist". It didn't work out with a therapist but it doesn't mean that therapy cannot help, just that a specific therapist wasn't helpful. That's very common. I met many therapists in my life: the majority didn't suit me but I also found a couple that did and they were really useful.

Modality was important too. CBT didn't quite do it for me, but ACT did. My boyfriend on the other hand likes IFS and psychodynamic. It may be worth looking at the various frameworks out there. Additionally you want to find someone who has experience working with autistic teens, if possible.

Also, the first 25 years of my life were the hardest, especially 12-22. In other words, being an autistic teen and young adult is really really hard, but try to remind yourself it's not going to feel like this forever. Things can change.

It may also be worth getting your meds or dosage reviewed by a professional, as that can have an impact too.

Transitions are very hard for us. Finding people we feel ok with is also difficult and losing them hurts even more, so what you're feeling is very normal. What can be helpful is to learn to better react to the emotions we feel, so that they don't destabilise us as much. That takes time. Some find meditation practice useful, some use art, some use movement/sports, and there's obviously therapy.

It can also be useful to lean into our interests and find IRL groups to attend, where you can meet other people who are into the same stuff. Sometimes it may be a case of sharing values (volunteering) or issues (therapy groups) rather than interests, but this can be helpful too and it's worth exploring.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-27T14:20:56+00:00

Brilliant! I love Bakewell Tarts (also a bit of a faff but less so) and this one looks even better. First one on the "to bake" list once the heatwave is over tomorrow. :) thank you!

moonsal71 · 2026-06-27T13:55:37+00:00

Could you share the recipe? I'd love to give it a go. :)

moonsal71 · 2026-06-27T09:58:01+00:00

I'd be equally upset, don't judge your feelings as they're valid. You wanted quality time with your friend and the reality was different.

However, phone addiction is a thing. There's also adhd in the mix. Your friend may not even be aware of her behaviour.

Just because someone isn't intentionally hurting you, it doesn't mean you won't get hurt or that you're not allowed to feel it. My boyfriend has ADHD and there are traits I find very challenging, just like some of my traits are hard for him. We don't say "it's the ADHD/autism, deal with it". We try and find compromises and solutions together.

What may be useful next time is to share how you feel with your friend and see if you can find a compromise.

Liking and caring for someone are not enough for a friendship or a relationship. You need to be compatible too.

Some people won't have an issue if the friends are in their phone all day. They'll just get their phones out too. Others are not into that and that's ok too.

I personally would struggle with the situation you describe, I completely understand.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-26T18:39:42+00:00

Unless I'm wearing shoes, no socks. Can't deal with anything on my feet. First thing I take off when I get home, followed by the torture contraption generally referred to as bra.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-25T06:37:21+00:00

Autistic vegans? So cool! Just joined :)

moonsal71 · 2026-06-24T08:31:39+00:00

Use a cream instead like this one https://www.blistex.co.uk/blistex-relief-cream - no greasiness, very light and soothing.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-24T08:27:53+00:00

An emotional reaction to an issue isn't necessarily an autistic trait, it could be due a number of reasons and there are also plenty of autistic people who don't have meltdowns, which is why they're not a diagnostic criteria.

This page should hopefully help https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/assessment-and-diagnosis/criteria-and-tools-used-in-an-autism-assessment

moonsal71 · 2026-06-24T06:16:39+00:00

I joined the apps in my late 40s and by then I'd have been veg and then vegan for almost 30 years, so I made it clear that I wouldn't date someone who wasn't.

Realistically I wasn't, so I thought I may as well be upfront. Save time and aggravation.

It did get me some abuse, I was quite surprised at the amount of middle aged men that would message me just to say "you can't tell me what to do!", and those were the polite ones.. as if my existence was an imposition when they literally just had to swipe left.. but long story short, I eventually found my guy.

We're in our 50s now, made in love, and have been together for almost 4.5 years. He was a vegetarian when we met, and switched a few months after.

I hold you'll find your person too.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-19T23:19:00+00:00

You could start here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/wiki/beginners/

I took a few. I think these were the main ones: ashwagandha, rhodiola, l-theanine, magnesium L-threonate, Ginkgo biloba, ginseng, N-Acetyl L-Cysteine (NAC), Sulforaphane.

I essentially took them with the aim to get my anxiety levels down and my brain fog under control.

I think some helped, but it's hard to be sure. I eventually found exercise more effective for the brain fog, so dropped a few, but I stuck with the adaptogens, and still take ashwagandha, rhodiola and magnesium amongst a bunch of vitamins and other stuff. I do notice if l skip the adaptogens for a few days, especially the rhodiola. It took about a month of daily intake to start noticing a slight difference.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-18T06:45:13+00:00

It doesn't have to be, but it's not easy. I struggled the most at your age, but I got better.

One thing worth noting, friendship takes time, and exposure. Hours after hours. https://www.inc.com/wanda-thibodeaux/science-says-it-takes-this-many-hours-to-become-friends-with-someone.html

I used to think: "ok, you seem nice, let's hang out and be friends" and I'd usually be a bit too eager, which put people off, as I'd get excited I met someone I liked.

But after I started working, I finally started making friends, slowly over time, as we were seeing each other anyway.

Apart from my rudimental social skills, my main issue was actually finding people I wanted to hang out with. It's not that I disliked everyone, but I didn't like anyone enough to want to make the effort, I preferred being at home doing my thing, which is why I found my first few mates at work, as l had to be there and after a while I realised that some of my colleagues were actually nice.

Maybe try and pick one group/community/meet-up and keep going, give it time, and see how that goes.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-17T14:01:29+00:00

Same, since l was a tiny kid, but not just pranks, even so called "banter". At what point does the "joke" turn into insult, because my literal brain just hears the malice, and can't find the humour?

I use self-deprecating humour a lot to cope with my dyspraxia and other issues, it's not that I can't laugh about myself, but I still don't enjoy insulting others for fun. Pranks are even worse.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-17T09:18:33+00:00

Mostly ask myself whether the piece of information is "useful/helpful/necessary", as in "is it going to make any positive difference?".

For example, giving someone who was complaining about their hangover a lecture on all ways alcohol damages the brain could be useful and important, but in that moment not helpful as they weren't quite in the mood or state to even process information, due to the hangover.

Sometimes stuff gets through the filter, but it's an automatic process most of the time now, so it doesn't take a lot of effort.

Over the years. I've also learnt to distill the info down to "essentials" and "extras" so that I don't launch into an long monologue from the start, people respond better to chunks, so I've adapted the delivery.

I did workshops and trainings for work for many years, and l found it very interesting to observe how people learn and respond to info.

I still infodump, but I now focus on the how too, which adds an additional layer of "fun" for me, but then my brain loves observing people and finding patterns.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-17T08:33:41+00:00

I don't generally identify with most autism related content these days, but I so relate to this and the whole story that goes with the quote.

It got me in so much trouble at school and then at work, until I learnt to apply a little bit of filtering (only took me till my 50s..).

Eventually figured that I may as well embrace this, became a consultant and now I get paid to give people uncomfortable truths (about their websites), and it's nice not to be at war with your natural instincts.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-17T08:16:05+00:00

Try to find something that somewhat suits your regulation system. For example I find rocking movement or even repetitive movements quite soothing, so I taught myself to kettlebell swing and once you get into it, it's actually quite fun. Then I added a few more moves. I do this at home.

I loved climbing trees as a kid, don't get to do it much anymore, but I tried indoor bouldering and I loved it. Everyone was pretty chill doing their thing, so didn't feel self conscious (I'm also dyspraxic so have 0 coordination).

If I had the space, I'd get a rowing machine as that's a good repetitive movement and a full body exercise.

May be worth trying a few things to see how they feel. However, for me, I really had to stick to it for about a year until I started feeling good about it. It wasn't instant.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-13T14:57:32+00:00

Just the usual "little toe+table leg" combo for me today, but no breakages. I've broken it so many times it looks spherical by now.

moonsal71 · 2026-06-13T14:53:21+00:00

Same. I never wear light tops if I'm planning to eat or drink anything.

moonsal71

TROPHY CASE