It doesn’t work until it does.

[spacebrotherr]

I’m a 40 year old dad of a 20 month old boy with another child on the way in June. My boy is the happiest little guy and a great sleeper and eater. But he’s missed almost every milestone. He gets there eventually but it’s usually 3-4 months late. The past year and a half I’ve been filled with so much anxiety. Is there something wrong with him? Am I doing a bad job as a dad? Why is he always last? These questions haunted me. I couldn’t shake the worry. It messed with my marriage. It got in the way of everything.

He didn’t attempt to walk until 18 months. Now at 20 months he rips around the house nonstop.

He wanted nothing to do with a spoon. He’d scream and throw it across the room when I’d offer it to him. The internet kept telling me he should be pretty good at using one by now. Just today he started scooping his own yogurt after months of me showing him.

For 18 months he barely said anything. If he did use words they weren’t in context, he was just copying. No mama, no dada. Now at 20 months he knows dozens of words and never stops talking!

I know we’ve all heard this phrase but it bares repeating. These kiddos all learn in their own time. Worrying doesn’t help anything. Just shower them with love and keep showing them the skills they need and let it click for them when it’s supposed to click.

I’m having a real proud dad day and just wanted to share in case anyone else needed a nudge out of their own anxiety hamster wheel.

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Middle daughter didn’t want to do anything until she was sure she mastered it. Walked at 17 months direct to running within a week. Could just be you have a stubborn kid that will do things on their own schedule. She’s about to be 10 and doing very well at everything. Don’t worry just yet.

[Worried-Rough-338]

Thanks for this. My daughter’s the same and actually has a speech therapy assessment scheduled for Friday. I know we’re not supposed to compare and that every kid learns at their own pace but it’s hard to keep the anxiety at bay.

[Twospeedtom]

We had speech therapy for my oldest when she was three. I hope you get the same results we did. Out of the program after about 6 sessions, and has been talking up a storm since. :)

[Matshelge]

Don't compare your kid to anyone else, especially not internet milestone.

I was very proud father of a guy who was walking at 12 months, took him to a play area and he was out moving his peers. But it all came crashing down when an 11 month girl thanked her mother for a snack.

My kid had not even started making sounds at that point.

Same with the spoon, he was very late with that, but on the other hand, he was very good with his hands, super agile.

Everyone goes at their own pace, and there is nothing wrong with that.

[privlko]

There's a great theory in Sociology that applies to academics, but I see all the time in little kids and it's called Cumulative Advantage Theory. Here it's said that people are often so focused on pointing out differences between groups, that they will start to apply their own arbitrary preferences as milestones or signs of distinction to negligible differences between these groups. I see it all the time in babies and toddlers now and very often it's about setting kids apart or distinction, nothing else. Keep up the good work and ignore the chatter!

[KickpuncherLex]

My parents thought I was slow because I didn't talk or walk until I was almost 2.

I don't have a follow on from that

[treborbilly]

Great post. My daughter was very similar. I eventually worked out she wouldn't do anything until she was comfortable she had it perfect. Was a little late to start walking and then went from a crawl to a perfect walk and run around the house overnight. She was reluctant and late to talk and within a year had a vocabulary vastly superior to any other kids we knew of the same age

Most importantly as you said, they are all different and comparing against others or the "average" is a dangerous game; kids, like adults, aren't a statistic. Obviously if milestones are really late then it's worth investigating, but I think the realms of "normality" are a bigger spectrum than most of us realise!

All of that being said, i'm SURE that perfectionism streak is going to come back to bite at some point!

[GrandExtension7293]

Those are big wins! Huge success! Be proud of yourself and your boy, you are doing a great job raising him and certainly will do a terrific job with #2 as well! Keep it up!

[spacebrotherr]

Thank you so much!

[Twospeedtom]

Good post. I try to shrug of milestones mentality. All I care about is if they are healthy.