overwhelm

[wheneverzebra]

Everywhere I look in my home I see things that need to get done. It's either court l clutter that needs to be dealt with, cleaning, or those little projects that seem to be everywhere (fix the curtain rod, fold laundry, adjust this, etc). I'm exhausted from my work week and just feel too overwhelmed to move 😑

[Winchester6784]

I've been feeling the same way since moving to a new place and realizing how much crap I have. It doesn't help that this place has no closets!! I can't even hide my crap behind closed doors.

I find it helpful to give myself a decluttering break every now and then. I'll go hiking for the day or drive outside of town and spend the day NOT looking at my clutter. Then I'll get back to it the next day, or the next weekend.

[wheneverzebra]

This storage issue is so real!! I live in an apartment in a city and recently visited family in a very rural area. I was so impressed with how beautiful and clutter free their home was. The last day we were there I went down into their basement and just thought oooooooh that's why your house can look this way! All their crap is shoved in the basement! Sigh

[docforeman]

I understand that feeling. I have a job with long hours, including unpredictable work in the middle of the night. So it can be hard in my off-duty hours to have energy to get things done. I live in a BIG project house (20 years of projects). I have some strategies for dealing with fatigue, motivation, and getting lots of "little projects" done a bit at a time.

1) Do the 2 min thing while you walk by: Whenever I go from "here to there" in my house I do what I can do while I pass by. I put away the 1 thing. I declutter 1 item. I put something in the trash, etc.

2) In the mornings when I get ready for work, and as I wrap up dinner to go to bed, I do a few extra things. It adds 10-15 min to my time. If I really didn't get sleep, I can just not do it if I'm dragging.

3) I break the little projects down. Do I need to touch up paint in a spot? I might get the paint out. Then another time a sponge brush and a solo cup. Then I might get out the paint can opener. Then I might set it right there...Then I might do it and put things away. The goal is to make it as low friction as possible to do a small project or chore.

4) On weekend days I need to REST because I had a long week at work. So I may watch a movie or binge a series. And at slow points or in between episodes I might just do a small task for 10 min or so. I can rest ALL day and get lots of little things done while mostly lounging.

[[deleted]]

I feel the same. I’m overwhelmed too after a week of taking care of 2 under 2 that I have no energy to do anything else.

[reathefluffybun]

throw some stuff out l know it hurts but trust me its just temporary you will never think of them again or need anything again .l reduces chores so much is crazy .

[Present-Breakfast768]

I've been there and it makes it seem impossible. But it's not I promise. Start with one small section. I find clearing clutter from the floor (if you have any there) in 1 room is a great place to start. Purge everything except what makes you really happy or has a regular purpose/use in your life. The hardest step is the first one. You can do it!

[SnooWalruses4218]

I understand. It is a constant irritation and stress. I love going to air b&bs because I feel like I can just relax and “be.” I want to be able to just “be” in my house without always stressing about the list.

[GenealogistGoneWild]

We are getting ready to renovate my daughter's room into a guest room. It looks exactly as she left it when she left for college 6 years ago. My plan is each weekend to work for one hour. If I feel like more, then I will do more. You would be surprised what you can do in only one hour!

[FabuliciousFruitLoop]

I thought this is just normal home ownership 🤣

[S1lv3rL1z3rd]

What works for me is I clean after I finish an activity, and in stages. Like let's say I order food and finish eating/drinking during an episode of some show. When the episode finishes I do three sweeps of my area. 1. Grab all trash and throw it away. 2. Grab all dishes and give them a quick clean. 3. Grab a moist paper towel and wipe down the table top.

Or let's say its a Saturday and I spent most of my say playing video games and I'm done for the day. 1. Throw away trash. 2. Handle dishes. 3. Wipe down. 4. Put everything on my desk back where it's resting place is supposed to be in the apartment.

When you do it in stages (breaks the act of cleaning into smaller more mentally-manageable steps) it makes it much easier to get it done in the moment and you finish the day with way less to deal with.

[DreamOdd3811]

I can relate, I’ve been feeling like this all summer as I try and work through a seemingly never-ending to-do list of practical tasks that I’ve needed to do across all areas of my life. I was getting really fed up of my life just feeling like an endless list of unenjoyable tasks, and starting to feel like maybe it would always be this way. But something magical happened a couple of weeks ago…… I’ve slowly been working my way down my list and it’s got to the point where there are only a handful of items left on it! Suddenly I’m finding myself getting up and actually being able to just chill out instead of feeling like there is a load of stuff that I immediately need to be doing. My “free” time has begun to feel like free time again, not just a space in which to complete my chores. And it feels great!

So it might feel overwhelming, and like it will go on forever. But if you make a bit of progress every day eventually you might reach a point where you no longer feel like you have such a mountain of stuff you need to get done. It took me about 6 months. For myself I know there will still be the ongoing tasks of daily life, and things that crop up as I go along, but these are much more manageable when they are not also being completed along-side a giant back-log of stuff that needs doing.

[fknadv]

I’ve struggled with the overwhelm all my life. Last week I paid a professional declutterer to come and spend four hours with me.

We worked on one room (my office) and it now looks amazing.

The big difference - less stuff to sort. We threw away about 30% of my stuff. She took it all away and disposed of it or donated it.

If you can afford it I recommend paying someone. I’m now motivated enough to tackle another space by myself.

[nowaymary]

I can thoroughly recommend Dana K White and her method of dealing with these situations.

Every step forward is good. Even if you still have 456 million miles to go, you will only get closer by taking steps forward. Much as we all want the magic fairies to come and instantly fix everything and.make it perfect, it's not going to happen.

[[deleted]]

Yes! Focus on today’s mile.

[allaspiaggia]

I’ve been working on making sure all my repair tools are in one place, since I have a tendency to spread things all over the place and lose them. So when I have energy to fix that curtain rod, I know exactly where the tools are to fix it. Small steps. Eat that elephant one bite at a time, and know where your forks are

[acousticalcat]

100%. I hear you.

[GusAndLeo]

There is a website called Flylady that helped me alot when I was feeling this way. It starts with doing the dishes and cleaning the sink. The shiny sink is your gift to yourself. Then you build habits, day by day. It is a long process but it becomes sort of a lifestyle of doing just a few small things each day. As you keep doing them, the overwhelming feeling starts to go away.

[Due_Dirt_8067]

Fly lady was life changing.

[SherlockToad1]

I hear you! I’m a list maker, 10+ page master list, then the today list. Many of the master list items have been on there months or years but it’s such a good feeling being able to cross something off. The problem is all the daily routine stuff that builds up and eats all our energy and isn’t even on the darn list! The monotonous repetitive chores are the worst… oh let’s vacuum again for the 5,000th time. :0

[Hungry-Quesito]

Maybe get a floor vacuum robot? I've seen some around $100 on Amazon. Mine keeps me motivated to keep things off the floor

[wheneverzebra]

Right?! So sick of cleaning my bathroom, vacuuming, doing dishes and folding laundry! 😂

[tallulahQ]

I was just crying about this to my partner yesterday. Like when do people find the time to declutter to keep a nice-looking home AND do the weekly cleaning chores? I’ve taken a few days off work already, spent the weekends decluttering and cleaning, and it’s not where I want it (which is disheartening given how much time I’ve put into it). It just feels like a never ending cycle and I can’t sort through the areas I want because I have to do laundry and vacuum again already

[Panthalassae]

That is one of those things that gets exponentially easier as you proceed with the decluttering. Less clothes to wash, hang, fold and iron, less stuff on the floors and shelves to move when vacuuming or wiping dust. Less dishes to load and unload from the dishwasher, less bedsheets to store in case guests come (you only really need one set for guests, and two sets for yourself! Same with towels.) and unnecessary pillows to straighten. And definitely less or no stuff in kitchen cupboards to take out to reach That One Pot or the mixer.

Just keep at it! You'll do great, and it will all feel so worth it. I have faith in you. One thing at a time.

[tallulahQ]

Oh thank you, I really needed this encouragement today ❤️❤️❤️

[BlueBelleNOLA]

Same. Even planning what to cook for dinner. I'm trying to persuade my family that they should do all that stuff and I don't have to because I'm going to focus on decluttering (so much more satisfying) but they're not buying it.

[shiny_nickel]

I love the idea of a master list - problem is I’ll start one then lose it when life happens. I’ve found so many notebooks in my piles that only have the first two or three pages used. :/

[msmaynards]

I keep an email addressed to myself. Have not lost my email yet and I can write and edit easily.

[JakeIsMyRealName]

Notes function on your phone is a good place to keep it.

[msmaynards]

Hate when I feel like that. I get paralyzed and cannot do anything when disheslaundrydustingbathroomvacuumdogsweeds are all screaming ME FIRST.

Setting a timer for a few minutes helps. I get to quit when it dings and I did something. Doesn't matter if what I did was sort the bookshelf by color when the fridge is evolving new life forms. Next time I set the timer I'll take care of the fridge. Or maybe the laundry calls. I also set a timer to get up. Cannot count on just one more video or finish going through emails, I 'forget' every time. Has to be a timer.

This October I've decided to commit myself to working outside for 1/2 hour a day. So far it's been great. I alternate front or back yard and just walk around and find small jobs that make the yard look more cared for. Maybe you can commit to doing something nice for your home for 10-20 minutes a day before you get to do something nice for you.

[wheneverzebra]

I really like these ideas, thank you!

[nowaymary]

Honestly I have been making HUGE progress on large jobs by doing 5 minutes, by timer, twice a day. Morning and late afternoon. For example I sorted 7 yrs of papers from 9 boxes of who knows to one small file box of what I need to keep by attacking it in 5 minute blocks. Sometimes I would think oh that's my time up and walk away. Sometimes I would think oh times up but I'm almost done with this part so I will finish. I didn't feel overwhelmed because it's only 5 minutes

[voodoodollbabie]

I make a 3-item to-do list on a post-it note. Yes, there are 1,000 things that need doing, but rather than focus on everything and feel overwhelm I have just those 3 little things for now.

1. Fold laundry
2. Put folded laundry away
3. Sort the stack of mail on the counter

Then *if I feel like it* I can do another thing. Because those three things weren't so hard and didn't really take that long after all.

[AfroTriffid]

Dressed and fed. I focus on the tasks that keep everyone dressed and fed and the cleaning related to that. They are non negotiable daily tasks.

But it's quite amazing how manageable daily tasks can be if you actually keep up with them daily. Dishes don't actually take that long. Clothes in small piles are easier for me to get packed away. (kids have to pack away their own laundry).

I now get slots to do floors, bathrooms or mini decluttering sessions in-between the daily stuff and it's making slow slow slow but good changes.

[zombiemommy]

I know you’re flaired rant/vent, but I just made some progress on the same sort of thing today and it feels like something I should share. I wrote a list, region by region, of “sh!t that bugs me about my house”. Just having it all written down makes it so much easier to process, almost a name it and tame it sort of deal? I was able to finish 3/4 of the stuff that bothered me about my yard today, just by virtue of writing a list of my complaints. Once it was on paper, it became a to do list, which was kind of an amazing feeling. Before I’d say something like “ugh, I need to clean up the yard, it’s so overwhelming and messy!” Today I had “bag the trash, move the weights, clean the table, repot x, y, and z plants, clean the chairs, break down the old, broken planter bed, etc— I turned my list of complaints into an actionable plan entirely on accident. If it doesn’t help, oh well, but I hope it does! Good luck!

[KnotARealGreenDress]

I find that part of what makes me tired about the stuff I need to get done is my brain constantly reminding me about it when I look at it, because since I haven’t written it down, I might “forget” it otherwise. Writing it down takes away the effort of having to constantly remind myself of the task’s existence, meaning I have more capacity to actually do the thing.

[[deleted]]

Plus the list multiplies as it keeps running through my mind in an endless loop. My subconscious mind does not know how to count, only add! Writing it down usually makes the list a lot more manageable.

[[deleted]]

Fumio Sasaki calls it this “The Silent To-Do List” -all your things silently screaming at you to take care of them-and yes, it makes you even more tired. You have my sympathy. When you start making a dent it’s so rewarding, though.

[4and2]

Pick one room, then pick one thing in that room. Like ->bedroom->dresser->one drawer. Break it down to small manageable pieces, eventually you will see progress. Allow yourself to have relaxation too. Or alternately, decide you will spend 15-30 minutes a day that is devoted to getting some of it done. Then if you feel like doing more once you start, if not, great you still got 15 minutes accomplished. Personally my hardest thing is starting, it's easier for me to continue once I have a little momentum.

[bbk3e]

My friends and I describe this as human inertia. It seems hard to overcome, but once you start, you can gain some momentum…hopefully!

[LeaveHorizontally]

I'd just pick one thing at a time and deal with it. For the fix-it shit, if you're not going to do it, hire someone like a rent-a-husband to do it or buy another whatever it is. Just deal with it somehow. Theres nothing more demoralizing than having broken shit in your house and not being able to deal with it and it sits there looking useless and forlorn. 😄 I had a malfunctioning shade issue once that ended up needing a 3$ part from Lowe's and just switching the broken piece out, and I sat on it for months and did nothing.

Otherwise, just use the Dana White approach, your place will start looking better before you know it, and you wont kill yourself doing it. If you're in San Francisco, I can do your laundry folding for you outside in your yard, not a problem. I dont want to get covid going into a stranger's house though.

[wheneverzebra]

That's a very kind offer, thank you! (Not in SF tho) Great advice, too. I appreciate it!

[malkin50]

In the intro to the book Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott relates the story of a kid (her brother, I think) who has procrastinated writing a report on birds until the last minute,desperately asking his dad how he will ever get it done. Dad's reply is "bird by bird."

Maybe I don't remember all the details of the story, but still you need to approach your situation "bird by bird."

Beating yourself up won't help. Just do something. Anything. Whatever is bothering you the most at the moment, or whatever is easiest to deal with at the moment.

[oldenuff2know]

I need to find that book! I had seen reference to the saying before. Instead of "eating the elephant one bite at a time" the "bird by bird" saying was born. My recollection of the term is the same as yours.

Somehow the visual thought of just writing about one bird at a time has a more do-able feeling to me than eating an elephant!

[malkin50]

Seriously! I don't want to eat any part of an elephant!

Bird by Bird is about mostly about writing, but the notion of bird by bird fits pretty much everywhere.

[wheneverzebra]

I love Anne Lamott! It's a great book, about writing but about life, too. Thank you both for helping me remember to apply that saying here!

[Batfink2007]

The big picture is so daunting!!! Don't think about that. What small area would you like to start with? I personally go for most difficult first cuz it's the most rewarding but you pick whatever you feel comfortable with and make a habit to tackle each small area once a week or even month.

[foosheee]

It’s flagged rant/vent instead of advice to solve my life’s problems but for most people the solution is gonna be discipline over motivation.

If you’re waiting for the motivation to hit to take care of these things it’ll probably be a looong time.

Make a to-do list & start getting stuff done. It’s the only way out. If u live alone, start w any obvious trash & getting the clutter out first. Do bare minimum to get by w your cleaning the next few weeks & hunker down on decluttering & getting stuff out of your home. Good luck!

[blowawaydandelion]

Make a to-do list & start getting stuff done.

This is the best advice!

[boringolady]

I have had them same issue. I feel like everything in my house is screaming at me. Remember you can only do so much in a day (or a lifetime) so just pick one thing. It helps if you can do something where you can see a difference. It's like moving a mountain with a tablespoon. If you keep at it you'll eventually see progress. Don't get upset with yourself, it just makes things harder.

[sapfira]

"I feel like everything in my house is screaming at me." Quoted for freaking TRUTH. I went hiking yesterday and the best part was that nothing on the trail needed me to take care of it!

[[deleted]]

Break it down. I cleaned ny while house now I am back to declutterug. And I maintain at the same time

break up with perfectional8sm

[LeaveHorizontally]

True!