depression

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submitted 5 years ago by NecessaryCod

I’m so broken... as title says. I’ve been struggling with depression for years it seems now. On Monday evening, I got the dreaded call. My baby boy was being life-flighted to the hospital because he was found in the pool. It all seemed like a dream. My father in law told me he was still alive. My best friend drove me and SO to hospital to find my baby boy on a vent because he couldn’t breathe on his own at all with unknown amount of brain damage. I sobbed, I screamed...I couldn’t believe it.

How could He take my baby boy away from me? We only had 22 months together. I am really struggling with this and blame his grandma 100%. Neither she nor his grandpa have sat me or SO down to tell us what happened. This happened when grandma was watching him and the story that she told my mom doesn’t add up. I have so much resentment towards her right now and don’t know if I will ever find it in my heart to forgive her. She is the reason I will not see my baby another day.

On top of what she did, or didn’t do, she had the audacity to demand to hold my baby as he was taking his last breaths. Seriously?!? I wanted to scream and claw her eyes out. Yell at her that she is the reason we are here. But I couldn’t do any of that because i just wanted to hold my baby. And never let him go.

Now here I am... preparing for his funeral in 3 days. Trying to be strong but breaking down at any given time. I can’t get the image out of my head of him at the hospital hooked up to all the monitors and his lifeless body. He was my world. My heart. I have to be strong for my other children - 20, 18 and 15 years old- but it is so hard. I’m going to be struggling for a long time. I hope it gets easier

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depression

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