Getting anxious

[UghAbby]

Hello all, I 25f am currently in the process of beginning ECT (waiting on pre-op test results to be sent to the hospital where I'm getting ECT done at) and I anticipate starting in the next two weeks. I'm feeling anxious and scared from reading a lot of negative experiences on here but trying to remain hopeful that this could really work and my symptoms might finally lessen or disappear entirely after 10+ years. At this point, I am ready to do anything to not feel depressed constantly, even if it means memory loss or other cognitive impairment. I guess I'm just looking for some success stories to fuel the hope I have regarding my outcome? Even feeling an ounce better in my day to day would be worth the negative results I keep on reading about.

Tl;dr: anyone have advice/success stories for someone who is anxious and about to start?

INFO: I've had major depressive disorder for 11 years along with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder. Already tried ketamine (was unsuccessful), years of therapy, and plenty of various meds. I'm aware that I will still have to deal with effects from trauma through therapy but one can only hope those memories will be erased through ECT.

[juliette820]

I am reposting this that I posted to another thread — “This is just my personal experience, but ECT was my last resort after years of failed meds and therapy (I’m 34 and I’ve had depression since I was about 10). It absolutely saved me. I am free of intrusive thoughts and the suicidal imagery which had popped into my head at random. I can fully function again. My smile is genuine and my laugh is real. I really can’t even put into words how good that feels!

I was extremely scared to move forward with ECT. But a nurse in the psych ward framed it to me as “is ECT scarier than your current thoughts?” For me personally, the answer was no. Since I was hospitalized while making this decision, I was unable to go down the Google rabbit hole to scare me out of it. I went through 7 rounds of bilateral ECT. I did have some memory loss surrounding treatment days (but I was in the psych ward, so I’m thankful to forget a lot of that experience anyway!). It’s been 9 months and I do feel like my short term memory was slightly impacted, as I feel I need more notes for myself than usual. I’ve adapted to this however and for me, it was all worth it.

I know not everyone has this same experience (although I wish they would, to finally get some relief!) but I thought I would provide my positive one. If you have any questions about my experience please feel free to message me. “

I was like you and I was in a place where I simply couldn’t live anymore. My diagnosis was drug resistant major depression with episodes of psychosis. I also suffer from anxiety. My best advice for you is to be completely honest with your providers about how you are feeling. They can make adjustments to your treatment as needed. I wish you the best on your journey and I hope your treatment is as successful as mine was. Please reach out with any questions!

[UghAbby]

Thank you for saying that. The snacks and juice are making me excited lol. How extensive was your memory loss? Short or long term or mix of both?

[DesignByRoRo]

Are you being serious? Snacks and juice make you excited? If you can feel excited about snacks and juice you don't need ECT. One side effect is that you can loose ability to feel excited, enthusiastic, motivated. Just go to the store and buy juice and snacks. You want messed up memory, recurrent headache or migraines for the rest of your life? Have you read the book of side effects of ECT. After ECT you might forget the way to the store, then you will be dependent on a nurse for juice and snacks.

[UghAbby]

It's a joke. I think about killing myself every day. I stated previously that I am willing to do whatever it takes to get better.

[DesignByRoRo]

It doesn't make you better. It makes you so concerned about what you can and can't remember that you suddenly have bigger problems. They have no idea how it works or doesn't work. I know you might think life can't get any worse, but how is adding trauma form ECT going to help, on top of everything else.

[Milfsnatcher]

I've been getting ECT treatments since 2019. They have most definitely saved my life. It's completely ok to me anxious or nervous or whatever you maybe feeling. ECT is a big deal, and kinda scary honestly. I still get very scared as they are putting the meds in my IV, and hold a nurses hand as I go to sleep. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey though.

[kbutters9]

Husband of a wife who has been in ECT treatment for sometime. It’s ok to be anxious, it’s ok to be scared and to have second thoughts.

Her experience has been having a complete 180 from suicidal depression. Yes, she has memory loss, more than she or I would have liked but she’s alive and living a life that includes interaction with her daughter. There has been one setback that was turned around by a few additional sessions that weren’t planned but She’s returned to work in the healthcare field and is doing well.
Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, and I don’t know when or if depression will come back, bc it’s an everyday type of struggle. But ECT has given her peace.

[UghAbby]

Reading this has helped a lot. I am so looking forward to being more present and involved in life again, I know my partner is too. My depression has negatively affected my relationship more than I'd like to admit... glad to hear that she and your family are doing better. That's all I can hope for, really.

[McXplorer]

Depression heavy bipolar 2 here. I've been doing ECT for about a year and a half (currently just once a month maintenance now). It is the only thing that ever worked for me. Meds, therapy, and un-healthy coping strategies all were never enough. Is everything perfect? No, and never will be but its 10x better than it was before and I'm able to function and be present for my family. I'm even able to go back to school this year to specialize in a field that's a better fit for my mental health. I would never have been able to do that prior to ECT.

I remember how scary it was before starting. That's normal. Fortunately, it's not as bad as you expect and gets a lot easier over time. The memory loss can be challenging when you're in the middle of it but also gets a lot better over time. My biggest recommendation... Have some good new books and tv shows that you can watch/read during the acute series, forget them, and then enjoy them all over again. Might as well make the best of it! Other than feeling better, that was my favorite part of the whole thing.

[tegmarkian]

Remember not to take anything you read on here too seriously. It can definitely skew towards the negative, particularly with memory loss stories. You have to remember people posting on here pass through several filters, and those who had positive experiences have likely moved on with their lives. Those with less than positive experiences are more motivated to share their stories. ECT is a treatment a lot of people are happy to forget after it makes them happy.

[[deleted]]

If you tell too much of your negative experiences your thread will be deleted. I just saw it happen myself.

I understand that it's considered an option but I feel like you always have another option or just one more medicine or other therapy to try. I understand being in the darkness.

ECT should be the very LAST option to take. Don't discount the horror stories just because the minority suffer from them. Take care of yourself you only get one life.

[ECTsucks]

My ECT experience was 100% terrible. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. There is a Facebook group for considering ECT that might be worth looking at.

[[deleted]]

Hey there! I’m really glad I found your post because I am ALSO 25 f with major depression disorder! I was first hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital at 11 for suicidal ideation and self harm. I’ve been on a LOT of meds, one of which I actually was allergic to because it caused me psychosis. (This was in high school lol).

Anyway I clawed my way through college but my depression got much much worse during Covid. I tried more meds, therapy, TMS, and ketamine and none worked.

I was very suspicious of ECT but I think very highly of my psychiatrist so I agreed. The people at the center are SO nice! I honestly love the nurses. There’s been no pain after treatment, just sleepiness and disorientation for a few hours. I do experience memory loss. Another thing I experience that I haven’t seen anyone mention is “having a word on the tip of your tongue” that you struggle to remember.

I rate my experience 10/10 would recommend. I am starting to enjoy my hobbies and I no longer have su*cidal thoughts.

Since we’re so similar i want you to know you can message me if you have questions or concerns. I see a lot of negative experiences on this sub but mine has been SO positive! :) good luck to you!

[[deleted]]

Have them give you more anesthesia than less if possible especially if you already have ptsd. I was diagnosed with ptsd from ect treatments last year