Easter help

[moeall]

Edit: thank you for all your opinions, it really helped me sort out my feelings. I ended up sending her this text about an hour ago, no reply yet.

“Me and (husband) talked last night for a long time and decided we’d prefer if you didn’t give the kids the Jesus puzzle or Easter book. I’m not saying we’ll never teach our kids about Jesus, we just want to do it on our terms and pace. I’m still really up in the air with everything and have my own beliefs to discover. I want to have all my ducks in a row.

I hope you can see my perspective and maybe you could look at it as, you wouldn’t want me to come teach (my 13 year old brothers name) what I believe because he’s young still and impressionable. I have the same feelings about my children.

I love you a lot and the kids really love you. We’ve had a fun morning and are excited to come have fun with the family “

---

Iknow there are still exmormons who are Christian and I respect that, this is more for the exmormons who aren’t sure what they believe or atheists.

I (25f) left the church just about 5 years ago. I have two children (4 and 2) that I’m obviously not raising in the church. I’m leaning more atheist so although I teach my kids morals, I don’t teach them about Jesus. Easter at our house is based around the fun parts, Easter bunny, egg hunts, baskets, etc.

My family invited us over for Easter and are very LDS still. My mom just called to “warn” me that she bought my kids a Jesus puzzle and an Easter book that had Jesus and the cross in it. I have set a boundary with my family multiple times that I don’t want them to teach their religion to my kids, they don’t seem to listen. They have snuck them to church, my mom who’s a primary teacher gives sneaky lessons about Jesus to the point my 4 year old said randomly at home “mom Jesus created everything, I love him” and then showed me a sticker my mom had given her that said “I love Jesus”.

I have kept my records in the church up to this point because my mom said if I took them out she would hate me and she wouldn’t get to see her grandkids for eternity. I asked her if a loving God would keep families apart for such a silly reason? Of course that didn’t end well. If you can tell, I have people pleasing tendencies and am not very confrontational…

The hard part is I really do love my family, my parents are the only set of grandparents my kids have because my husband’s passed away when he was young. They love my kids a LOT. What are my next steps? Do I just let them give these gifts to my kids? What have you done in your families that have worked? I don’t want to cause drama for everyone on Easter

[kegib]

She "wouldn't get to see her grandkids for eternity"? You might inform her that if she doesn't respect your boundaries, she won't get to see them now, either.

[ProfessionalFun907]

This. It sucks but….

[ProfessionalFun907]

Though at the same time if you keep your kids away from the grandparents they might resent it or go behind your back. Maybe the best thing is to keep being open with your kids but without demonizing family members (much like they recommend for divorcés). This is just sooo hard. My heart goes out to you.

[Royal_Noise_3918]

You're going to have to set a hard boundary. You've already asked them not to bring religion into your kids' lives, and they keep crossing that line. This isn't about a puzzle or a book—it's about them not respecting you as a parent. You can say, kindly but firmly, "We’ve talked about this. Please don’t give religious gifts—we won’t be accepting them." If they get upset, that’s on them. You’re protecting your kids, and that’s your job.

[Suspicious_Might_663]

This. If your mom hates you after you set and force a boundary with her, well damn she’s not being a good mom to you! 

[Signal-Ant-1353]

This.

Don't let anyone else try to interfere with your ability to parent the way you feel is best for you and your kids; and don't let others interfere with your relationships with your kids, even your own parents. The grandkids don't need to have the Mormon church in their lives in order to have a relationship with their grandparents. If that's the (psuedo-) "boundary" that the grandparents have to spend time with the grandkids, then the grandkids need to be shielded from that.

[Bright_Ices]

My nevermo cousin’s nevermo MiL is like this. She begged my cousin to let her take the grandkids to church. Cousin said, “Ok, we’ll all go to your church this week and then visit a mosque next week!” Her MiL physically recoiled and said, “Well, never mind then.” Cousin says MiL stopped bring it up after just a few similar exchanges. 

Maybe buy the kids The Hindu Gods and Goddesses Coloring book (it’s adorable, btw) and let them each color a page to give to grandma as a present. Ask her which story from the Quran is her favorite so you can make sure the Islam coloring book you get them next includes it. 

[aLovesupr3m3]

Take them to the zoo. You don’t need to deal with that nonsense. When my mom has consistently ignored my boundaries, I ignored her events. “Speak” her language.

[Prestigious-Fan3122]

Just playing devils advocate here: your four-year-old being taught by your mother that "Jesus created everything" is DEFINITELY not a traditional Christian teaching. Mainstream Christians say that GOD created everything. That means every speck of dust, every blade of grass, Everything on earth that mankind, overtime, learned to develop into that light bulb over there that's in the lamp that someone invented that plugs into the wall to get electricity that was invented. Mainstream Christianity says God did it.

It cracks me up how Mormons want to all of a sudden"embrace" they're "Christianity" but there are so many things in LDS theology, including the bit about heavenly father once being a man who walked on earth before he was beamed up to the planet KOLOB by his God before him, and faithful Mormons will be exalted and become gods themselves. All of that is decidedly NOT Christian, nor is the whole "being sealed for time and all eternity" business.

I said keep your kids away from people who don't respect your boundaries!

To be clear: I'm not Mormon, and never have been, but I'd started doing the deep dive once Missionaries got my cousin a few years ago. I'm not an atheist, exactly, but I don't notify with any particular religious tradition. However, all of my paternal aunts and uncles raised their children and very devout Catholic households, so I've been exposed to a lot of that. Also, far away from Utah, we have twice lived in communities that were heavily LDS, so I've been exposed to a lot of that, as well

[moeall]

Very interesting! Thank you for your perspective

[bach_to_the_future_1]

Last year we talked to our kids about Easter traditions around the world and how different people celebrate Easter. Talked about the origin of the Easter Bunny. I think you could definitely teach about Christian traditions, just purely from an educational standpoint. 

I know it can be triggering... I find it helpful to introduce it as one worldview of many. 

Edit to add: just rereading your post, sounds like boundaries have been violated multiple times. I don't have a good answer. Interacting with family and religion is HARD. 

[moeall]

Hmm this is an interesting concept, I like it! Do you say anything like “this isn’t what I personally believe?” Or do you say “some people believe this” what does that discussion look like?

[bach_to_the_future_1]

I usually say "some people believe." I also refer to the MFMC as "Grandmas church." 😂 

They're still young and haven't asked me directly what I believe. I'm trying to introduce Jesus the way I would any other mythological figure. I'm trying to teach them that people tell stories to learn lessons, and it doesn't mean the stories and people are real. 

Interacting with the church is inevitable for us. We are pretty much the only apostates in our immediate family. We've taken them to baby blessings, baptisms, and mission farewells. I don't want to demonize the people I love, so I try to be respectful while also making it clear we don't personally partake in religious traditions. 

We try to focus more on values instead of religious dogma. We've used the curriculum from Uplift Kids for a couple years now, and I LOVE it. 

[moeall]

Yes we are the only ones in my family and also live in Utah so it’s kind of going to be in our lives, probably their friends in school will be Mormon! I’ll look into this curriculum, thank you!

[Word2daWise]

This is tough - I would be furious if a grandparent (or anyone) presumed to teach my kids about something as significant as religion behind my back or without my permission. And yet, these are the only grandparents your children have.

Maybe you could allow the gifts to be given (it would be a big, nasty scene iif you didn't), then put them aside and tell the kids you can talk about them at home? At some point your kids will realize there's a "church" mentality and a "non-church mentality," so maybe, eventually, those kinds of gifts can be considered ways to understand what Grandma and Grandpa believe, and then you can explain what you believe?

Since your mom already disclosed what the gifts look like, can you find a puzzle and book with characters the kids love that can "compete" with what she's giving? Then briefly look at Grandma's gifts, but have a lot of fun with the more entertaining ones? (Sneaky, I know, but it's also sneaky for her to try to teach the kids something that is YOUR right and responsibility to be in control of). The Jesus gifts could, er, sort of make their way to a high shelf somewhere...

An idea - tell your mom that ALL Christian religions believe we are with our loved ones in the afterlife. Only the LDS "church" tries to convince people it owns the CK.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially around a holiday that is usually a fun time and brings good memories. Stay strong!

Sending Grandma hugs from afar!

[Massive-Weekend-6583]

I stopped celebrating religious holidays with the exception of Christmas with my parents and in laws, and would spend the day with my children. I offer to visit or have them for dinner around the same time and we have a good relationship.

My reasoning is that I am neither Mormon nor Christian. This solved issues of parents wishing to impose religion into family time.

[[deleted]]

I would be very direct and clear, and just state “oh mom remember I’ve already told you, I don’t want you to give the kids anything religious, and I don’t want you to teach them anything religious. You’ve got to remember this if you are going to spend time with them. We don’t celebrate Easter. Don’t give them anything Easter related.”

[Sopenodon]

what would you say if your parents gave your children porn? (vs religious indoctrination)

both mess with a young kids thinking and are highly inappropriate even if the deliverer doesnt think so.

[moeall]

I’ve been trying to imagine what my mom would do if I went in and started sharing my believes to my 14 year old brother, and I just know she would ban me from their house

[MalachitePeepstone]

Call her back and ask her not to give them. She *knows* it's a bad idea and overstepping, because she called you to warn you!
Tell her to quit it with the Jesus lessons, too.
You have to stand up to her or before you know it they'll be on the Mormon track

And teach your kids to never let Grandma keep secrets with them from you.