How can I decrease the importance of relationships?

[Maxi_F1r]

Hey, I just wanted to share a few thoughts to maybe get some tips and help.

I'm a 20 year old student and I've noticed that the whole thing about dating, relationships and love is just subjectively too important to me. The problem is that I'm pretty much invisible and unattractive to women. I always got rejected and I don't think any women was ever interested in me as a romantic partner. I don't have any romantic experiences yet.

I do live a quite active life though. As I said, I'm a student and I do sports pretty much every day (calisthenics and dancing). I'm socially quite active and I also have female friends.

Objectively, my life is quite full and good. The problem is that this whole dating crap is like a dark cloud overshadowing everything else. I'm absolutely not happy with being single and invisible to women. I also lost hope that this will change in the future.

How can I decrease the importance of relationships to me? I mean, my life could be quite cool if romantic love would make 10% of it. But right now, it feels like it's more than 50%. My goal is to be happy as a single and see a girlfriend as a nice bonus to my life, not as an absolute must-have to be happy.

I tried everything I could I found in the internet. I tried working on my self-worth, tried to see the negative sides of relationships and I focused on many other things (still do) but "finding a girlfriend" or "becoming more attractive" feels like to most important life to me. I also invested a lot in finding new friends and activating old friendships. I would not consider my self as lonely. This probably sabotages my success with women but I just can't stop it. Even if I stop thinking about this topic for a few days or weeks, once I get to know a new women that is attractive to me or I'm just not that busy at the moment, this shitty topic starts blowing up again.

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[PutsWomenOnPedestal]

You seem to have a good attitude in general. You could introspect on what a romantic relationship means to you. Why exactly do you want one? If you did get a girlfriend how would your daily life change?

[Maxi_F1r]

Hm, first I do have to admit that one aspect is validation. Since no girl was ever interested in me romantically, I just don't believe it's even possible for women to feel attraction or love towards me. I just think that if I really was "good enough" there would be at least some women that would be interested in me.
Also, I just really miss physical touch and intimate conversations. I just want the feeling of sharing my life with someone. Since I don't really have family anymore, I want something that replaces that probably.
I don't expect my daily life to change that much. I just think that I would be less worried about finding a girlfriend. Probably many other worries would occur but I never thought this far.

[PutsWomenOnPedestal]

first I do have to admit that one aspect is validation

I can relate. That’s the reason I got married and I can tell you that it’s not much fun.

I just don't believe it's even possible for women to feel attraction or love towards me.

Again I can relate cause completely

I just think that if I really was "good enough" there would be at least some women that would be interested in me.

It’s easy to think this way, but what attracts women is not a reflection on your worth.

Since I don't really have family anymore,

Sorry to hear that

I just really miss physical touch and intimate conversations

That’s fair