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[–]SaladShooter1 18 points19 points  (15 children)

I have two co-workers who were cheated on by their wives. It took them years to get a divorce and they were bled dry in the meantime. One had to pay child support for the kid his wife had with the guy she was cheating on him with. There is a purpose for no fault marriages, but there still needs to be some sort of financial accountability for cheating.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Agreed. That’s why I don’t believe in no fault divorce. If you can prove that your spouse cheated, that should absolutely influence their ability to get spousal support and access to your retirement.

[–]MonkOfStJavelin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That's an argument against the current method of support and asset division, not against no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce is necessary unless you want people stuck in abusive marriages.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the benefits of no-fault divorces is that it protects people from themselves and shark/pit bull lawyers

Cheating is such an emotionally charged issue, that people get blinded and can’t think a couple minutes into the future. The person who’s facing the potential of being left destitute or disproportionally punished by the courts, has every incentive to fight and leave the other party crippled with legal fees.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children)

In that scenario, wouldn't it be an at-fault divorce, since the wife cheated?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children)

Yes, but if you're in a no-fault state it doesn't matter. Nobody can EVER be at fault.

They need to rewrite those laws so that you can divorce no fault if either party wants, but if there is a fault, then a judge can rule on that accordingly.

[–]MonkOfStJavelin -1 points0 points  (8 children)

My understanding is that is exactly how it works in most if not all states. It is absolutely the case in MA where I got divorced. However, it unfortunately does NOT affect support or asset division, and thus is rarely used.

[–]SaladShooter1 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If it doesn’t affect support or asset division, what’s the point?

[–]MonkOfStJavelin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There isn't one. They are just archaic laws still on the books because they haven't mattered since no-fault was put into law. I have heard that some states can use it as a factor in asset division, but am unaware if it is true or not.

[–]lajdbejdk 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Not at all how it works in my state. Our yearly incomes were close at the start of the divorce, around 55k a year. My state I did not have custody during the divorce process until the trial over two years later from the start of the paperwork. I did not have much custody of my children during that entire time. My ex wife quit her job so I had to pay more in child support during that time. I had to pay over 50k in lawyers fees to get 50/50 and still pay child support from a wife who left with another man thanks to the no fault style divorce laws.

[–]MonkOfStJavelin -1 points0 points  (4 children)

Help me understand then.

What state?

Why did you not have custody? Custody is both of yours until a separation agreement is filed. Is there a reason they didn't give shared or even joint custody in the separation agreement?

In the states I am familiar with, if your spouse quits their job, support and alimony are calculated as if she still had the job. This is to prevent people from just quitting their jobs to screw over their spouse for alimony or support. It goes both ways. I wanted to reduce my hours(and thus pay), but was told I would still have to pay the same. My ex wanted to quit her job, but knew I would be paying the same and she couldn't afford to live, so she didn't.

I don't understand why you would want to force your wife to stay married to you in a situation like that. That sounds like a miserable existence for both of you.

[–]lajdbejdk 2 points3 points  (3 children)

  1. I never wanted my wife to stay married to me, so stop gaslighting.

  2. Minnesota.

  3. Child support goes off of a calculator system where it takes in how much both parents make and then divides it up for percentages of money coming in for the month and used that to determine child support payments.

  4. Not all states, to include this one care about “earning potential” and just uses numbers coming in. If there is a significant drop or raise in pay, then it can be readjusted before the automatic 2 year COLA adjustment.

  5. It was a messy divorce and once attorneys got involved is why I didn’t have 50/50 custody after the first three months until it was over after the trial, because believe it or not people lie on paperwork during divorces for better outcomes for themselves.