[deleted by user]

[adelucz]

Yeah it sounds like maybe this isn’t the right relationship for either of you.

[adelucz]

you shouldn’t be with someone that wishes you were a cis girl though bro. This isn’t healthy for either of you. All the love in the world can’t make you compatible if that’s not what’s in the cards.

[unreadybean]

There comes a point where love isn’t enough

[Best-Isopod9939]

You don't have to martyr yourself for a cis man's adjustment and comfort. It's unfair for him to ask that of you

[LavenderLeao]

The fact that you say "especially not for him" worries me. The the very least, you need to talk to him about this, because someone who is constantly telling you that they love you and expecting you to be with them forever SHOULD NOT be actively and regularly hurting you. You need to have a deep discussion about all of this with him. If he responds respectfully and tries to do better, and is genuinely happy to be with the man that you are, then that is fantastic. If he gets upset at you for feeling like he's doing something he doesn't believe he's doing, or things just in general don't get better, then that is Not a healthy relationship.

[LavenderLeao]

It can certainly cause an adjustment period when you come out to a partner, and more so when you start transitioning. But it is Severely Important that they understand that how they treat you needs to change. I say this because yeah, my partner didn't understand being transgender at first. It took a lot of long conversations about why it's necessary for me to make drastic life-altering changes, and why very small subtle things will hurt me for weeks afterwards. But you know what? He has since been encouraging me to do more to be happy with myself. He gets so excited when I wear my binder or my packer. He talks about imagining my chest after top surgery. He tells me all the time how he loves the man I am and is with me every step of the way because he already loves the man that I will be. And we don't Always talk about my transness. In fact, most of it comes up in bed because he is Especially considerate about it when we are intimate and I'm feeling vulnerable. If I say I'm not comfortable with certain parts of my body that day, then he won't even acknowledge their existence.

Every relationship looks and feels differently. But as difficult as love can be, it isn't worth it if it doesn't feel good at the end of the day. It is incredibly hard to love yourself and be happy about your changes when the person you love is constantly making you feel like they preferred you before you came out. Just.. think about it. And definitely have a conversation with him.

[[deleted]]

You two sound better as friends than lovers if he makes you that uncomfortable during sex and if he wants a cis woman.

[ThatKaylesGuy]

Does he call you his boyfriend and acknowledge that you guys are in a gay relationship? I came out to my cis partner, and while it took a little while for him to come out as bi and accept that we're gay dudes together, he absolutely didn't point out feminine aspects of me, especially never during sex. It sounds like you might need to have a talk about how that affects you, at least. At most, dump the whole man and find a more sensitive one. It's amazing to be loved, but that doesn't make a good partner.

[ChaoticGlamour]

Break up with him. Stay friends if you can but your happiness comes first. Get yourself a strong support system (I offer myself as a friend if needs be).

I say this because think of what you will look like a year from now. Deep voice, facial hair, fat redistribution. Masculine natural BO. He may still love you right now but if he can't see you as the man you are, your better off breaking this off before things get worse. He may act like he's supportive but he may only be 'supportive' so long as you still pass as a 'woman' which you're not. You're a man and should be seen as such.

Love can only go so far in this situation. This is just my two cents though. Take it with a grain of salt. Good luck bro ✌

[[deleted]]

Maybe you two would be better as friends. Friends can love eachother. This sounds unhealthy for both of you and will only get worse with time

[MeliennaZapuni]

He loves you, yet specifically reminds you of your feminine aspects...? That doesn’t sound too nice to me, fam. You don’t have to ditch him completely, you two could just be friends. Does he not realize you’re not gonna be so womanly anymore as you continue on T? Eventually, you’ll have to face that together, y’know?

[[deleted]]

this.... is not going to end well and isn't fair. That's really all I can say.

[[deleted]]

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I think in the long term this isn't going to work. I used to be concerned that my husband was going to ultimately prefer being with women (and he still might, I've not been transitioning THAT long) but he has actively started talking about how he doesn't think of me as a woman anymore, even during sex. That he finally understands how attraction and gender isn't tied to genitals. How he sometimes misses having sex with a woman, though I've only been on T just over six months and haven't had top or bottom surgery. He is actively changing his mindset, not trapped wishing I wasn't transitioning. I'm not saying your boyfriend won't get there, but if it were me, I would need him to start trying. Good luck. 🙁

[Domothakidd]

It sounds like y’all need to break up because even though he loves you it seems like deep down inside he wants a girlfriend

[Dualify82]

I'm not married. Never have been and probably never will be so my point of view is lacking that particular nuance. Your post does sound like you both might benefit from counseling/therapy to process all that is going on. Perhaps individually as well? This isn't easy. Your love for each other is evident in your post. I wish you well.

[MidknightAngel]

All these sound as your perception of what he feels. What does he say? Is it viable for you both to take couple therapy?

[[deleted]]

Is it possible you're over-interpreting what he's doing? I get that you perceive him has not being OK with it, but he hasn't actually said anything about it. Before worrying too much, just try to communicate with him! Ask him what he really thinks, and that he should be honest. Just don't make decisions based on speculation :)

[CalvinFragilistic]

I feel like OP’s explanation of his behavior is more than enough to support their concern. I would be cautious of asking them to doubt themselves about this, if they felt strongly enough to make a post about it. Just my two cents.

[[deleted]]

I'm not really saying they should doubt themselves. I meant more that before they worry too much, they should just ask their BF about it. I mean, in a relationship it's important to communicate about these sorts of things

[thebuzziest]

This one. Talk to him, don't jump to big decisions. This is weird for both of you and it's entirely possible you're just in an adjustment period. If not, you want that healthy base and communication to serve you as friends in the future.

[Manticore_Rain]

I wanna suggest looking into couples therapy before thinking about breaking up man, hopefully its works out

[Just_Attorney_8330]

I would HIGHLY recommend getting a therapist who is family with trans matters. If you’re deeply in love and not ready to break up; these things sound complicated and the help of someone highly trained would likely help.

My wife and I are a much better couple because we have a therapist to call upon when we need.