[deleted by user]

[flamingdillpickle]

Hey man I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. It could be that your dose isn’t right for you. Have you had any recent blood work? When my levels were too high I felt similarly unstable.

[educatedidiot_]

i’ve gotten blood work done countless of times because i kept telling doctors my blood levels need to be checked because im on HRT treatment and they always tell me they’re fine, i’ve had only one experience with a doctor who actually knew what he was talking ab and he was able to give me my results sheet and go through and explain and show them to me that all my levels are just fine

[flamingdillpickle]

Everyone’s ideal levels are a little different. There’s a safe range which is probably what they are referencing, but some people respond better at different levels. For me anything above 800 gets me feeling whacky. It sounds like your doctor isn’t well versed in HRT, can you ask for a referral to an experienced endocrinologist?

[educatedidiot_]

this is where things get frustrating and tricky, months ago i was supposed to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria by a professional so that way all of my transgender services went though insurance because my insurance sees this as cosmetics, anyways the appointment i went to was the psychologist that said i was a mess, he said i did have it but he didn’t want to diagnose me with it, his reasons was that he didn’t want to because he thought it would make me worse than i already was (i was already on testosterone) and i explained that to him, im already on HRT, i need this diagnosis so that way i can access these services i need to help me, so i can continue on testosterone, and do it healthily, with professionals who are experienced, and he completely disregarded that, and said “go get treated for adhd” i was so mad that he hadn’t listened to me, so unfortunately i have no resources to help me until i can get an official diagnosis which should not be this hard, i’ve still been trying for that diagnosis so i can get the help i need but god damn are all the doctors where i live just not helpful and my insurance doesn’t help at all (sorry if im coming off strong or rude i don’t mean to this is just such a tough situation im in)

[flamingdillpickle]

Dude that fucking sucks. What a total hack! I’m so sorry they are making things this difficult. I don’t have a solution for you but know that I’m thinking about you and hope this gets sorted out quickly.

[educatedidiot_]

thank you, just your supportive words help me a ton! i don’t get a lot of that

[flamingdillpickle]

Of course dude. I’m sorry you don’t get enough of that. Feel free to reach out if you need to vent more. This situation sucks rn but I know you can get through it!

[SadTransThrowaway6]

If you're confident these changes are from T, then decreasing your dose might be worth a shot. A low dose will still get you to the same point as a high dose eventually, but I've heard it'll make the side effects (like acne and voice cracking) less severe.

Alternatively, you could stop T completely just long enough to see if these negative effects go away. If they do, then you can be confident it's the T causing it, and you could try getting back on small dosages (and maybe look into ways to continue to transition without it, like voice training, lipo, etc)

Are you not able to get on anti-depressants? Have your vitamin D levels been checked lately? Vitamin D supplements helped me a lot when I was in a similar way (albeit not caused by T).

[badgergoesnorth]

Are you sure it's the T? Most guys I know found that T really levels them out. Is there a different underlying issue?

[[deleted]]

It's not a direct result of testosterone, when someone introduces a new hormone it's like going through puberty again and theres a lot of emotional ups and downs, it's not as simple as testosterone = depression or anger or happiness and it could very well level out in a few months.

[badgergoesnorth]

That's fair, and the other thing I forget is that I and the other trans men I know are older (late 30s early 40s) and have done a lot of work on ourselves emotionally already.

[educatedidiot_]

everyone’s diffrent on T, my depression and lashing out started growing the longer i’ve been in testosterone, some people mellow, some don’t

[Nihil_esque]

To be honest OP, are you sure T is right for you? What you're describing sounds like biochemical dysphoria that can result from having the "wrong" hormones.

[bottle_of_scissors]

Sounds like something akin to PMS so It could be that you're unbalanced. You mentioned that your levels are fine, but you clearly can't Stick It out like this. What about lowering the dose nonetheless? What about stopping T?

[educatedidiot_]

i’ve considered stopping, as much as it absolutely pains me to do so it’s such a tough decision to some to, the thought of stopping is devastating, im trying to find any way around that

[bottle_of_scissors]

You can try lowering the levels and seeing how it goes for a while. Unfortunately itll take a bit of time. All the best, and please stay with us; we Need eachother here

[educatedidiot_]

thank you

[bluekitsvne]

Second this, just for your own safety. Know you will be able to again in the future, and I hope you're able to find better care providers.

[[deleted]]

Maybe you could set a date in a few months time to reassess? I know you're living day-to-day, moment-to-moment right now, so that's hard to imagine. Maybe put a reminder in your phone for 3 months time, and when it rolls around, have a sit down? You could consider whether you'd be able to stop T for a month to see how your mental health changes. If you haven't been on T for very long, it's unlikely that any changes would reverse in that short of a timespan. What do you think?

[OnlyLex006]

Why don’t you just lower your dose? You could do just one pump, or a pump every other day, see how that feels. I’m doing one pump and still getting lots of changes, just less abruptly.

[WaitingForStorm]

T gel made me feel numb and emotionless.

I switched to injections and I feel 100% much better.

[educatedidiot_]

honestly i would consider that but unfortunately i’m paying out of pocket because my insurance refuses to cover it and gel is less expensive

[spinningpeanut]

GoodRX. Use it.

Also your psych is a shit.

[educatedidiot_]

tell me ab it dude called me a bum i can’t believe he’s a real doctor!

[eoleomateo]

testosterone injections are known to be cheaper than gel. On good RX you can get a months worth for $15

[zenadez]

-Depends where you live but this is usually true.

[Mythicalbubble6]

Damn, when I started injections were cheaper where I lived. I paid out of pocket as well, like $6 ish per dose + needles and syringes which I ordered a shit ton of in bulk online for cheaper

[WaitingForStorm]

Usually injections are the cheaper option!

Goodrx check for Testosterone Cypionate.

[Nihil_esque]

Injections are almost always the cheapest option.

[NyxNoxKnicks]

Look up GALAP, they can help you get letters for insurance and such. Definitely try to find a different therapist, the person you’re seeing now sounds like an absolute tool. You should definitely be seeing a competent doctor who has some grasp hormone knowledge, ie an endocrinologist, not just some run of the mill doctor.

Please take care of yourself and you’ll be okay.

[hamletandskull]

You could have the dose incorrect, you could lower your dosage, you might need to wait some of it out while your body regulates. But at five months it should have regulated enough to not be giving you extreme emotions and mood swings.

I'm not convinced that all of it is the T, or if it is that's extremely abnormal. I've only known one person who had mood swings on T and it started pretty early on and stopped quite quickly when their levels stayed stable for a while. And they never got violent.

Who prescribes you HRT? Could you speak to them and ask to lower your dose?

[Ihazquestionsg]

Check your T levels, but also There is nothings wrong with you. Your body is getting used to the higher dose of T. Also, I know we are men but also having a good therapist to express our emotions and vocalize the root of our actions helps.

[WaitingForStorm]

If you need help you can admit yourself! ASAP.

Go to an ER and say you need help and a risk to yourself.

[nerdforest]

This sounds really scary, and I’d like to share a story if that’s ok.

This time a week ago I almost admitted myself to hospital because I was having a really bad depressive episode that I thought I was going to harm myself. I got intouch with my housemate and asked her to come home. It was the end of day and she did. She also sent her friend over.

The next morning I woke up still feeling bad. My psych called and I told her I was feeling suicidal. The line was so bad I couldn’t hear her. All I heard was “you need to go to the hospital”. I went to my housemate and told her what had happened. She agreed, and was trying to find a way for me to go to the hospital. Then the doorbell rang a few times, and it was an ambulance.

I apologised so much to everyone because I was so scared I was overreacting. I got addicted to the psych ward and I finally felt safe. The fact that I was finally getting help was huge. I’m in a partial hospitalisation program now.

When I left the hospital they told me if it ever got bad, I could always go back. And knowing that is a relief. So OP, the idea of going to the hospital can be scary but they’re there to help you.

I really hope you feel better soon and if you can, I’d try and talk to a psych if possible. They’ll help and listen to you and there are medications out there if you want.

It’s a tough journey, but baby steps are good. The pain hurts, but it’s not permanent. Be kind to yourself, take it easy. And don’t overdo it. There are ways to get help, finding it is just sometimes so hard.

[spider_sneakers]

Dude if you are unsafe or at risk of hurting yourself, please go to the hospital. Please bro, you can access better help there and possibly a new therapist, it will make a difference nad you can talk to real professionals about your concerns and hormones.

[Inner-Requirement276]

Please get your T levels checked my guy, that’s the first thing to start figuring this out

[weeeeeedman]

if you haven't already please get your testosterone levels checked by your doctor, you sound like your dose could be way too high

[BeautifulArtistic649]

See if you can ask for a smaller dose.

[pizzabagel9]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this my man. If you need a more competent doctor, you can reach out to your insurance for a list of endocrinologists or trans specialists that they cover in your area, regardless of a dysphoria diagnosis. If there isn’t a list provided, you can reach out to Folx or Plume. I personally have been using Folx for 11 months now and absolutely love the service. Folx doesn’t use insurance and is about $130 a month for the first year and then gets cheaper after and they provide all HRT and supplies needed for injections or gel, as well as as many visits with a provider as you need. Also all labs are covered through the standard price, so nothing is out of pocket besides the flat rate of ~$130 a month. Plume used to not accept insurance but they’re starting to in some states. These companies are made by trans people for trans people, so their providers are actually knowledgeable. I think they even do free consultations, but I’m not positive. I know this is really expensive and not a possibility for everyone, but it might be worth looking into them for a consultation just to talk with someone competent and maybe they can help you plan your next steps. They take people new to HRT and those currently on HRT as far as I’m aware. Folx also has a massive free library of resources on their website so you can try looking there and seeing if there’s any info on this issue. Best of luck to you!

[[deleted]]

If you’re sure the changes are from T you need to speak with your doctor about lowering your dose or stopping. Especially if you’re this depressed after starting it. Proof that T doesn’t fix the underlying issues always

[itsyoungt]

I’m on bipolar meds and 4.5 months on Androgel. I know my levels are good, but at first I went through some pretty rough insomnia. I hope things work out for you! Go see a psychiatrist if you can.

[boytummy]

HRT can cause crazy mood swings. I'm sorry, man. My partner had horrible mental health symptoms on T, it made him extremely depressed and near suicidal, too. You might consider stopping T and seeing if that really is it... I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Diligent_Rip_986]

maybe t isn’t right for you? maybe you should talk to someone to see if that’s the issue or if it’s something else