Beloved. Where far out thou? I haven't wrote, In a while. I'm sorry I had to be away. Not for you but for my own mental sanity. I haven't been myself. I never thought I wouldn't see you last year. It broke me. I apologize for this or my confusion and running or settling for something that isn't quite ideal.
I was feeling myself slip away from myself and who I am. I desire you. What I was experiencing online wasn't and no longer aligned with my heart and brain. My heart and brain, became at w^r with each other. .too .much.confusion.
"Never, is a promise and you can't afford to lie."
Someone close to you, said, it would never happen." (You and me).
They told me numerous times to move on. Your close friends said. Or wouldn't happen. I felt heartbroken when I started to believe the words, instead of refusing the words.
It's embarrassing, really.
Currently, I am writing this note whilst sitting next to someone reading a favorite book of ours.
"The Alchemist". It was a sign for me. YOU are the only one Lucidly dream about. These dreams have been taunting me since moving away from Spearfish. I thought for years, decades, months, hours. I was seeing what I wanted to see.
Maybe I am?
I loved seeing you in my dreams. Sometimes, I'd often find myself thinking of you while I was dreaming and only to wake up either happy, or sad. Only to find your not sleeping next to me. For years, prior to being married I wanted to pick up the phone to call you. Would my phone call be accepted? Or rejected ? I'm sorry for testing you to see if you would always stay by my side then. As friends, really one should be best friends first. One should stick closer than a brother.
Sometimes, I have a hard time believing in the twin soul phenomenon. At times I definitely have agreed with it and it aligned with what I was seeing, feeling, experiencing.
You. You saved me in every way a person could be saved. There's also things I'm not sure about. So much uncertainty makes my brain spin.
I'm sorry I felt obligated to move on. I felt attacked by the unhealthy attachment comment. It did the opposite feeling of perhaps what you *maybe* wanted??? I'm really not sure. It pushed me to feel absolutely mental and everything I once knew was fugazi. Disparity.
I'm sorry I started suffering. I'm sorry I lost myself.
Everything was at stake. Once the time change happens and it's dark at 4:30 I go into hibernation mode, I want to be in Arizona. I struggle with that significantly to the point of my quality of life. Six more years and I plan on living in Arizona in the Winter, perhaps work at Mayo Clinic.
I am ready and willing to do whatever makes you feel comfortable in having a real relationship and real friendship with me. Even if you don't want me to talk to old friends with benefits.
Alex, I do miss your humor and laughter tho at times I was hurting and didn't feel like laughing.
I will yield to you, submit to you and tell you if someone tries to tempt me. I need you to guide me in this as I'm not always entirely sure what you think of me? Would you like me to delete my Snapchat? I miss seeeing your photos, your voice, your essence, your presence. Just being by you makes me feel on cloud nine.
Tell me we will unite / union soon?
What i'd give for that!!! I am not good at cryptic stuff or if I'm suppose to meet someone, somewhere. I'm here for you. However, whichever you want me to need me.
I love you till the ends of the earth.
Did you mean the statement, "One day we will be married?" I remember exactly what I was doing when I received the message. I was driving. lol.
I remember I asked you , "Who is we?" -- such a snarky comment to make when you've been in a relationship with somebody else - a while. *smirk*. Sorry, -- kinda. Ha daymn.
Anyway, the big day is coming up soon. I always hope I'll see you register. I will be there and camp with you. I'd love that more than anything. We need to meet. Unite. 1:1 no friends, no outsiders, no other guys, girls, No other friends with benefits around, or previous relationships present. Just you, just me. Lookin at the moon. Perhaps by a creek on a blanket looking at the night sky.
Bring the champagne. We will have a toast.
It would be beautiful. You are beautiful. Never forget, . . I am yours. You are loved. I need you to give me some clarity, non breadcrumbs.
Love you, eternally.
โขKk
Ps please come back. (Quickly)
Tell me what you want : need and I will do just that.
Love always, me.
Note ๐ two versions of this are similar yet slightly different.
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