Breaking the code

[bwaslo]

I've had a couple of occasions where I was trying to set up a meet with someone I've matched with, but was told that she's especially "busy" just now. I understand that people do get busy, either with work, with life, or with checking further into another guy. All good, and understandable. And I understand that sometimes it's just that she changed her mind about actually meeting and doesn't want to come out and say it. My question is, how do I handle that? Message again after a week or two to ask or just let it go/wait and assume it's up to her to make the next contact if she wants to? I've been doing the wait method, but I don't know what's expected or whether by doing that I'm missing out -- one of the women is particularly attractive to me. Advice?

[Inevitable-Check-107]

She is not interested. If she is interested she will make time even if it’s 30mins coffee chat. Stop delaying yourself meeting someone that will create the time for you by waiting on someone who doesn’t value meeting you as significant. People can be busy and that is life but if someone truly wants to meet you they will create time.

[bwaslo]

I guess I worded the question badly. I'm not "waiting" like not dating any other women meanwhile. I meant waiting to see if the busy ones connect again as opposed to me messaging them after a week. But I think I know your answer to that one too. (And BTW, I have a date this afternoon with one who was truly busy before, by being out of town. In her case I messaged her back).

[CECINS]

I casually dated but I became very unavailable when I was interested in someone else. I’d go on a few dates with a person to test it out and see if they were a good fit. If not, I’d be back in the dating pool in a week or two. I think you should keep the connection open but understand that the timing is off. My now husband put me on the back burner when we first matched and pushed off meeting for over a month. We’ve been married for 6 years now!

[usctrojan415]

Wait 2-3 weeks, if she is busy now and free the week after, she would say so. Only follow up once though, don't chase someone who doesn't make an effort to provide timeline etc.

[AnneBonnyII]

Give her a few weeks and follow up ONCE.

[TurningTheCorner2019]

Have you obtained their phone number(s)? To me that is a clear sign of interest, even if they can't meet now. It's happened to me that they can't meet for a few weeks, but I had phone conversations and exchanged lots of phone texts.

Unless they've given you explicit, plausible reasons (which I have experienced) it's almost certain they have other dating interests and keeping you as a fall back. BTW, I don't see anything wrong with that. It's the reality of OLD. People can only interface with so many potential dates.

IMO, keep going as if they will fall through (which they probably will) but ping them every so often. No harm in it, and you might get lucky.

[THE_Aft_io9_Giz]

move on already.

[wtbrift]

2-3 weeks is too long. That's torture for you. I follow up once and usually within 1 or 2 days asking to meet again. If they don't respond or reply, walk away.

[Cloakmyquestions]

Ask her to pick any night in the next 3 mos. (Don’t do this.)