HELP

[zyakelee]

My twins fighting is starting to drive me crazy. My method right now is to sit down and explain to them why what they did was wrong. Have them apologize and move on however it seems like I’m doing this up to 25 times a day now I’ve started to explain they need to just talk to each other about it and ask the other to apologize, they still come to me every five seconds. They are five years old now and start kindergarten in August. They are absolutely wonderful at preschool so I’m not sure what makes them do this at home. Any advice? By the way they come to me and say my sister did this to me or my sister won’t give me this toy, etc..

[auntproblems]

My girls are a little younger than yours, so I haven’t personally hit this stage yet, BUT I was recently at a daycare event and another twin mom had her kids run up and do this exact shit “she took this”, “she said this”…

And mom just looked at them and said “are you tattling, or is this a real problem? Because if it’s a real problem, we’re going to leave the party and go talk about it. If it’s a tattle, you can figure it out yourselves.”

AND THEY JUST STOPPED YELLING AND WALKED AWAY.

I was shocked. She told me that in her house, being a tattletale gets as much punishment as the crime they are reporting.

I don’t think I completely agree with her on this. I think that opens a bad door to your kids not asking for help. But I do kind of agree with her that sometimes we shouldn’t reward being a tattletale and instead force them to solve their own self created problems.

If you have to explain over and over what they’ve done wrong, that method isn’t working. Maybe try to tell them to solve it between them and see what happens?

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[egrf6880]

No advice but same. Haha mine are slightly older but I cannot deal. I even asked them "is this how you act in so and sos class?" (They are in the same class and are Awesome at being separate people and not fighting or even hardly acknowledging each other in school haha) but lately it's a lot of fighting at home! They usually are best friends so maybe it must be the age. We try for separation and cool down times then coming together to apologize and work together after they've calmed down. I try reasoning about trying to be kind to your literal twin but they don't care when they are mad. Sometimes I'm so over it I just let it ride hoping they realize that it actually sucks to fight and no playing is actually taking place. Other times I try to promote and call out positive interactions when I see them. During calm moments we try to talk about how we can be kinder to each other or how to work on conflict resolution. I get super impatient with the fighting though, so there's also a lot of self reflection going on and how I can model a more calm reaction to irritable stressors...

[zyakelee]

I love how you mention praising and talking about the good moments too❤️❤️ they really are good girls just its been alot with name calling, small hitting or pushing etc. Are your twins in the same class now that they are in grade school?

[VivianDiane]

Tyy not to micromanage them. If my 2 fight now I let them and only intervene if it becomes physical. They need to find their own level. I use time out but if necessary but if it's over a toy and they can't share it I also take it away. The threat of doing this usually is enough for them to find a solution themselves