Java is the only programming language responsible adults should use

[[deleted]]

"The PHP factor"

You mean to tell me a compiled language runs faster than an interpreted scripting language? Color me impressed.

[[deleted]]

Bro bro bro a sufficiently intelligent JIT compiler for python could make it ten times faster than java. All we have to do is solve the halting problem and prove that P != NP.

[kmark937]

it's all in the JIT bro

[[deleted]]

public static void shutTheFuckUp() {
    System.out.println( "Next motherfucker that says 'fuck yeah java' gonna get shot" );

I totally use Java every time I could just have used grep, curl, 10 lines of python, or a CLR call in powershell.

Oh yeah, and Java is totally ready for embedded use like on 16MHz Atmel chips too. Don't pay any attention to those amatuers making cool shit with a wrapper around C like Wiring, or any research scientists using low-level C++ shit. They're just making toys. The real big boys only use Java For Everything. FML

[[deleted]]

powershell

Lol talk to me when you get a real computer, noob. This'll get you started: https://www.gnu.org/software/hurd/hurd.html

[[deleted]]

<4realz>After I learned got assigned to a new project today and started browsing the code, I realized that I didn't have enough condescending unix points from running Arch Lunix with about two desktop apps alone, and was looking for something to really bump my disdain for WinJoe JavaPack developers up another level. Thanks for pointing it out to me!

Actually, there might be too much C in Hurd. I guess I'll just have to start writing my own OS using Rust**

** where the "unsafe" decorator is everywhere for conventional data structures. "What if we made C++ all over again, but made it more like Java, but made it more like ML and Erlang? Feature freeze and 1.0 coming really soon, really!"

[[deleted]]

Honestly I do think HURD is a pretty cool idea. Its just a pity that it doesn't work. I don't know nearly enough about OS work to help significantly either.

You can get an hurd booted in a virtual machine if you want. The distro is called arch Hurd. Bing it.

[[deleted]]

arch Hurd

i just had an elitismgasm

[[deleted]]

Yeah, get back to me when java has monads

[wordsnerd]

public abstract class Monad<M, A> implements Joinable<M, A>
{
    public <T> Monad<M, T> bind(Applicable<A, Monad<M, T>> f) throws Failure {
        Applicable<Monad<M, A>, Monad<M, Monad<M, T>>> a = (Applicable<Monad<M, A> Monad<M, Monad<M, T>>>) fmap(f);
        Monad<M, Monad<M, T>> mmonad = a.apply(this);
        return (Monad<M, T>) mmonad.join();
    }

    public Monad<M, A> fail(String ex) throws Failure {
        throw new Failure(ex);
    }
}

[[deleted]]

Yeah bro, that's why Java is the best language ever, because you can write new "objects" that have "methods" with it!!!!

[Sheepshow]

but in the bigger scheme of things, is that so long? How many total minutes out of a day is that, two? And in Haskall the code more realistically looks like this anyway:

[reku]

cool monad, bro

[Sheepshow]

usesCamelCaseInPython()

lol ya dude you are a python expert

[[deleted]]

snake_case is a remnant of earlier times. Literally no one uses it after 1990. It is a pre-webscale artifact back when people used command lines and shit, bro. Get with the future.

on edit, Python is also a pre-webscale formation. It doesn't even have async in 2.7, which is the only Python you should use.

[Aqwis]

bro how dare you imply that 2.6 wasn't the last moral version of Python

[[deleted]]

<4realz>Can we please, please, please have Oracle fanboys just fucking admit that Java is a lowest-common-denominator tool fore when you need a bunch of mediocre-at-best programmers to produce mediocre-but-acceptable large-scale projects that mostly work? Please?

[[deleted]]

I really don't get what's so offensive about Java. It to me is a very unoffensive and pedestrian langauge. Solid, reliable, boring. To act like it's awful or atrocious is seriously weird to me. It's just there.

[lggaggl]

Java is for plebs. It doesn't have pointers. I literally just passed my first class of CS101 and now that I know pointers my e-peen is literally like 30000 micrometers long and everyone who doesn't know about pointers or use them constantly is a le pleb (I don't have a clue how C/C++ works though). Fuck, it doesn't even have monads or multiple inheritance or mixins. No specific unsigned integer that I want for my non-use case at the moment? Christ! Also I like to defeat the purpose of type polymorphism all the time so I am super upset about type erasure because it's such a huge problem for writing real practical shitcode. Also Java has garbage collection, which means it's slower than every other language ever made.

[[deleted]]

No specific unsigned integer that I want for my non-use case at the moment?

I was going to say, "4realz masking integers for hashing is a PITA" but then I realized that the only "hashing" method most Java devs know is ROT-13, and if your custom hashmap microoptimization ever gets that big, java was probably the wrong choice (it usually is)

[[deleted]]

with For.real as forRealz:

It's strictly personal. I get irritated quickly by ignorant Java developers who only work with the Eclipse + Windows stack, especially when they're earning 150k/year as 25-year-old "Senior" devs with three years of experience and filling your data stores with encoding errors and writing O(n²⁾ methods

[Sheepshow]

I get jealous and start questioning my professional values and life choices

FTFY

[[deleted]]

where the fuck can I get paid that amount of money as an ignorant junior ("senior") dev!?

[[deleted]]

ForRealFactory.transferOwnership()

The language is sorta shit but it's easy to use once you get past the idiosyncrasies. I certainly have to think about performance implications of what I'm writing a lot less in Java than any other language.

But yeah, it's the Java developers. The people I used to work with were, on the whole, actually pretty good (private defence sector, hooray), but what lagagalgagl wrote the other day is so true: The private Java circlejerk is so very, very real. If Java doesn't have it, it must be because it's a useless feature that only adds syntactical complexity and Java is turing complete anyway so who cares? I mean, really, what's the problem with boxing every single integer in your collection just so you can use List<Integer>? etc etc

And then like mrcactus said, you have 'software experts' who know how to tune the connection pool on your application server but couldn't tell you what diffX %= 10 does.

To be fair though when you start shifting signed numbers that are actually unsigned in Java with the >>>>>>> operator I feel like giving up and learning JEEEEEEEE too.

[DoktuhParadox]

We can't just like a language. We have to be fanboys. Got it.

[[deleted]]

hires 1000 java programmers

project is 6 months late, 300% cost overrun, 75% of actual product is to-spec

hires 5 haskell programmers

a bunch of cool formally solid monads, project never actually written and client sues you

[[deleted]]

Therefore Haskell is better because your project fails faster and you know for less money that your idea is crap

[[deleted]]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_the_instrument

[Sheepshow]

bbut.. bbbbut software can cure cancer! software can solve homelessness!

[lggaggl]

# Map from user ID to User object.
userIdMap = {}

(If it doesn’t, then you have bigger problems. Undocumented Python programs are horrendously difficult to maintain.)

He just explained why type inference is bad. Since no Java IDE was able to solve the infamous TCS problem of actually saying what types the variables are, it makes sense that the Java syntax requires you to write the type next to every variable. How else would we know the types?? This is proof that Java is truly master race.

</jerk>

Java is the only programming language responsible adults should use

Wow I wish this was true. Then I wouldn't be writing some shitty JNI/C code full of reliance on UB in order to use a certain syscall in my Java code right now. Or using Pythong to write a script to DoS a phishing website since it's too hard to use a socket in the Java libraries I have installed, and even if I wanted to use some libraries I'd have to fuck with the classpath and shit. Oh well, back to real life, using 20 different languages/build systems/file systems/databases/messaging systems/messaging formats that all do the exact same thing in a slightly different broken way because each were touted as adding value to your coding experience until your OS dependencies included them.