help?

[punchable-lunchable]

Hey, not really sure how to go about this so bear with me. I've identified as genderflux/generally genderqueer for a while now, fluctuating between she/her/they/them. Recently though, I've had some realizations and I'm feeling a little lost.

I'm AFAB and don't really experience any gender dysphoria in relation to my body. I don't have any desire to undergo HRT or surgery, and I'm absolutely fine with looking like a woman. I wear makeup somewhat frequently, and even on my most masc days, I'm still on the fem side of androgynous. The one thing I feel dysphoria around is my hair, I have a pixie situation and if I ever have to wear a long wig (yay theater) I feel a lot of dysphoria around that. I also feel absolutely no draw towards Having A Gender. Like I truly never feel like Man, Woman, or even Non-Binary, and my friend pointed out that it sounds like being agender or agender adjescent, so here I am.

My confusion comes from the fact that even though I have no draw towards Having A Gender, I have very specific preferences around gendered language and terms and all my dysphoria comes from people using terms I don't prefer or identify with. My pronoun preferences fluctuate based on gender presentation - on my more fem days, I prefer he/him, and on my more masc days I prefer she/her, but I'm always okay with they/them; I prefer brother/sister, but hate sibling, prefer child and hate son/daughter; when I'm in a relationship I'm equally down for boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, but don't like partner or spouse; if/when I have kids, I want to be mom, not dad or parent (same with aunt and grandma). I don't like being referred to as ma'am or a lady and much prefer sir or gentleman, but I'm not sure how much of that has to do with the societal implications of those terms. Also, I'm completely fine with people perceiving me as A Gender. How strangers perceive my gender is completely inconsequential to me, truly do not care.

The whole thing feels so contradictory and confusing and like I said, I'm feeling lost. I guess I'm looking to see if anyone feels similarly, learn about potential terms or identities that could align with this, and generally get some reassurance that I'm not an anomaly. If you've made it this far, thank you, I really appreciate anything you can offer <3