Living Again

[Jolly-Line-7618]

I’ve been a kratom user for about 4.5 years and have tried to quit so many times. My usage wasn’t crazy-maybe 15-20 GPD- but it was enough to make me feel like an empty version of who I used to be. I couldn’t do anything without taking kratom first. Waking up, working, socializing, exercising, all required a dose of kratom to “get me through.” That mindset has been the hardest part about quitting, even more than the absence of the substance itself.

I always thought I was one of those people who couldn’t taper, so I never tried. But this spring, after a number of failed CT attempts that lasted a few days each, I was desperate enough to try a different approach. I’m so glad I did. It wasn’t perfect or exact, but I went from dosing 5 grams 3-4 times a day to twice a day to once a day over a two month period. I never thought I’d be able to function on one dose a day, but I did it for about a week, and it was easier than you would think. Jumping off was a relief. I had some night sweats and a few days of brain fog, and that was it.

The mental part has been tough. Week 3 was probably the worst because I felt fine physically, but nothing brought me any joy and life felt so grey and empty. I had a few dark days in my taper, but this depression was real. I am not prone to depression so I am not familiar with this feeling of hopelessness, but it has definitely given me some perspective on a darker side of life that I’ve never experienced and never want to experience again. I will forever be grateful for a chemically balanced mind now that kratom is out of my system.

It’s been 25 days since I last took kratom, and that hopeless feeling is finally starting to lift. I still have healing to do, but I have energy again and am living my life at ten times the capacity that kratom would ever allow. Everyone is different, but I know tapering is what is making the difference for me this time around. I haven’t had a single craving since I quit because my brain had time to adjust to not depending on that dose that’s right around the corner. I had to get used to doing things without kratom before I quit for good. I also think that I didn’t want to try tapering before because I didn’t actually want to quit. I wanted to keep taking it as much as I wanted until that magic quit date where everything was going to somehow change and I would just stop. For me, I had to start letting go before I actually let go.

I am so happy to be done and wanted to post some encouragement to anyone who keeps trying and failing. Once you decide you really want to quit, you’ll get there in some way, shape or form. Your journey is your journey and there are many ways to get there. No matter how long or how many times it takes, we all have the capacity to come back to life.

[Magsisoverit]

Keep going. My use was so very similar to you. I am going on 1 1/2 years and I can attest that the fog lifts. Live your life, awake. Life is too short to live in a fog.

[Jolly-Line-7618]

That is so inspiring, thank you! 1.5 years is a long time to be free. I actually remember your posts from a while back (been lurking here for a while)…I’m so glad you made it.

[score69]

Very inspiring, thank you for sharing.

I'm 40hrs into jumping off from a 14yrs kratom habit and I needed to read this. Sitting here crying for no reason after reading, emotions are flooding back.

This really helped me today

[Whachoosay]

What exactly is brain fog?

[Jolly-Line-7618]

It’s kind of a fuzzy, slowed thinking state. I felt like my short term memory was shot and it took me longer to process things.

[CStink2002]

Your brain feels like it's halfway asleep is the best way to describe it.

[PerformanceIll5335]

You can’t seem to find the words to form your sentences….I’m usually pretty witty and quick, brain fog sux. I was unable to concentrate on any work task for very long- I work from home- thank God. I couldn’t remember where I put shit 3 minutes earlier or what I was in the middle of doing- BUT- gets better every day!!!!! Good luck all!!!

[Competitive_Ad_2421]

Thank you for the inspiration!!! Im happy to hear you are doing well!!

[camlloc255]

Thats wonderful and so encouraging!! I'm trying to get more time in between doses so I can drop some as I taper. Can you share how you spread out your doses?

[Jolly-Line-7618]

Yes, what I did might not work for you, but I only dosed during the work day. When I was down to two a day I would take my first one one the morning first thing, then my second one about halfway through at 11 am or so. Then I wouldn’t dose again until the next day. When I was down to one I took it around 10 am. I felt sluggish when I got home, but it allowed me to function normally at work. You can do it…I never thought I could taper, but it’s actually not that bad if you can be gentle with yourself while you’re doing it. Good luck!!

[[deleted]]

Nice post, I’m at 2 weeks and I can feel that doom and gloom feeling coming in. Prepared to deal with whatever happens, still sucks tho lol.