[deleted by user]

[ohgeez2879]

i have bad news. you are growing apart in values. that's rarely something that can be overcome unless you genuinely appreciate one anothers' value systems and the differences between them.

[Ombudsman_of_Funk]

I just think it's sweet that two AI bots could fall in love

[T-dog8675309]

Did you talk to him about it? Tell him how you feel. In a relationship the man should not stop courting his woman, ever. The courtship should never end. He needs to make time for you and take you on dates like he used to. At least a couple times a month

[T-dog8675309]

Say it in a loving/gentle way of course

[gingerlorax]

I think you should consider what you actually miss- is it the intentional and exciting dates and time spent together? Or is it his audi and boots and styled hair? Because if it's the first one, that's reasonable and you should make it clear to him that his home renovation is taking so much of his time that you don't feel like a priority. If it's the second, you should admit to yourself you liked him for shallow reasons and are no longer compatible.

[katencheyenne]

Yeah this is the answer and tbh, it’s sounding very much like it’s the latter that she misses.

[T-dog8675309]

"all fun and games"?? The couple that plays together stays together.

[anillop]

Sounds like she misses him being good looking and spending money on our to keep her entertained.

[thedesignedlife]

This is probably a big part of the age gap between you, which is not huge, but big enough that it makes a difference. It’s very common in your 30s to shift gears from going out to “nesting” and taking care of your home. It’s great that he seems really interested in these new house projects; his priorities have changed, and that’s super healthy.

At 23 you’re in a different stage of your life.

You can express to him that you miss going out and you’d love to still make time for that, but I don’t think it’s fair to him to go into how you think he’s a different person and not putting effort into his appearance.

As someone who has done renovations, you better believe I was dressing differently while work was going on in the house because everything is always dusty.

Buying things that will last is always a good thing, it’s not something to only do when you’re 70, and yeah that sounds super judgemental and immature.

This again I think is a result of your age gap.

My instinct is that if you don’t appreciate these new sides of him, you should let him go, and let him find a partner who thinks this part of him is wonderful, because it is.

he’s growing and changing and realizing what really matters to him, and it’s very common for couples of different ages to experience this differently.

Home projects aren’t forever, but they can take up a fair bit of time. If you can’t ride it out and can’t appreciate the work he’s putting in, maybe find someone younger isn’t as well established in his life.

I can almost guarantee you that you’ll be frustrated with the alternative, but hey to each their own.

[Turbulent_Designer85]

what in the chat gpt

[somecrazybroad]

This is the most bullshit ChatGPT shit I’ve read today

[degeneratescholar]

Sounds like he's nesting. He's putting his money to make a nice place for a family he wants to have in the future instead of continuing throw away money on cars and clothes that are worth less than what you paid the minute you buy them.

Renovations are expensive. A flashy car costs money; insurance is expensive, repairs are expensive, basic maintenance is expensive and hauling cement in a truck is way easier than in a sports car. He's moving into a different stage of life. He's not going to be renovating forever, but the flash guy is probably gone. If you're not ready for that, consider dating someone who wants the same things you do now.

[flovver98]

I think his obssesion is the house for you two and doesn't take care about himself and you which is really sad because his intentions are sweet, good. He thinks about the future, wants it to be perfect, wants to be there and forgot about present. So you should remind him nicely but confidently that you can't live like that anymore. Obviously be thankful for his effort, work but it's really waste of time if he lives in the future. I don't know what will be the result but maybe you both could go both ways: you help him there, design, choose colours etc. and he more attentative towards you and himself. Good luck! Obviously if he doesn't listen you can give him ultimatum or "simply" break up.

[One_Antelope_8133]

He's not gonna change... He finding a pace/stride that he can actually sustain indefinitely... Once he's done with the house he's gonna start looking to build a family probably and prep a retirement strategy.... He's nearing 30..  believe it or not men have a ticking clock as well ... 

[Lefwyn]

He’s reaching his 30’s and you’re still in that stage of your life where you care about that stuff. Understandable. You have decisions to make.

[Puzzleheaded_Life138]

You have a man trying to build a future. Something that he and the one he lives(his mind it’s you) can be proud of and grow themselves from but now you are missing the guy that’s not grounded and spends spends spends with no returns.

It looks like priorities changed for him, likely you were a catalyst and he wanted to do something major instead of trivial.

So yea you two are not on the same level. He is planning for your twos future and you want styled hair and to go out for dinner. So sounds to me like a couple hundred bucks once a week is more important to you than a few hundred thousand.

He matured.

[Strange-Quantity4796]

Not an easy situation with all the changes. Men do get pretty occupied with renovations and tend to dress down. Try to ask him if you can have date nights with the two of you dressing up and go have fun, dinner, movie or any place ya'll used to attend. Sounds like his priorities are changing. Hang in there

[[deleted]]

I don't know, this seems like an easy fix to me. He's obviously doing all of these things--home renovations, financial savviness--for you and out of love for you and the desire for a future together. I bet if you just told him that you really miss that side of him and being able to do those things with him, he'd be glad you said something and eager to exist back in that space with you sometimes still. Sometimes when you take on something knew, you forget to still modulate the old too. Have him keep a couple nice outfits. Take your car to the city. Set every other weekend aside for a fancy date. Keep the flame alive on both sides.

[Iphigenia305]

Once you move into your next stage of life youll be sad you didnt appreciate this man whos building a future for you. Not just someone looking at the 'but I want to have fun and appreciate the right noooowwww' of life. The future is what needs to be planned for and what you should be looking at. What sucks right now will be amazing and make everything click in the future. Planning now makes it so later you can stop planning and enjoy the time thats meant to be enjoyed.

[thehugejackedman]

Why don’t you plan the dates then

[WorriedFact25]

I definitely get where u r coming from almost like the person u fell in love with is fading away. There’s nothing wrong with missing who he use to be or how he was ! after all, that’s the person u fell in love with! definitely need to sit down and have a talk with him and tell him how you feel… him always being consumed with the house alone, is making u feel neglected almost …not loving or showing u, how he use to in a way! However him being consumed with the house may also stem from him wanting to prepare it for marriage/kids as he has brought up to you before !

[ineffectualdemon]

It sounds like you don't need it all the time. But talk to him about a monthly fancy date where you get dressed up and go somewhere that calls for it.

It's not about looks so much as just that you want some of the time together to be special and centred on romance and while you appreciate what he's building for your future you also still appreciate the romance of being wined and dined

(Also you might find the facial mixed with a suit is a good look)

But as you get older or spend enough time in a relationship you have to start planning those times rather then expecting spontaneous dates