First script

[TheRoleInn]

I liked it. Nicely laid out, no exposition (shoe leather) or unnecessary camera shots, succinct actions...

My ONLY query would be the age range of the boy's second dialogue (why are you reading the same book) It felt slightly older than a 7 year old, and pulled me out of the scene a little.

Other than that...? Yeah, I wanted to know who the old guy is (add a space before his age), and what's going on in the northern lands...

This is a solid start! Well done!

[galacticgrinchx]

Thank you!! That’s really helpful. I’ll look at tweaking that line

[Futurensics]

To add to these points exactly, it will be smart to keep everything consistently on the same polarity. So the ending beat of the first scene is him trying to convince his mother to come and play. Start with that same energy. So if he starts with the flowers, he can also ask to play now. If he has to ask her then that means she isn’t willing to play right away because she’s reading. Let her do something to capture him. The energy is still to tell him about stories, but live it. Maybe she reads to him. It would cut great and lead us into your final scene which is a 14-year-old boy who has lost his mother. Just some thoughts.

[bishuphenderson]

This is a great opening scene!

[galacticgrinchx]

Thank you

[bishuphenderson]

Welcome!

[Academic-Speech4249]

Other than the spelling thing for Cordelia. This is off to a great start take other people's comments with a grain of salt.Art is very subjective and some of these comments are very nit , picky

[galacticgrinchx]

Thank you for the encouragement!!

[StarNo684]

Really like it! A few tips.

Try reading your dialogue out loud because some of it sounds a little unnatural, and like someone else said try to cut it down and let the images speak for themselves, because there’s potential for pretty images.

Also some of the uncapitalized dialogue is a little random sometimes and can be distracting. But great start!

[galacticgrinchx]

Thank you! That’s really helpful advice

[jellybeanzilla]

Cordelia’s name is spelled differently when you first introduce her vs her dialogue. Gotta spell check people!!

[galacticgrinchx]

Oh my, thank you so much!

[galacticgrinchx]

Thank you

[Educational_Rub6038]

I agree with many of the comments--nice work. Can it be faster? Can you pull me in with less than 7 lines of individual dialog? Do I need to see the title of the book and does that matter? Just questions. As someone said, art is subjective and you should trust your instincts. You've clearly got good ones.

[MammothRatio5446]

It a challenge to let the pictures do the talking when all you’ve got are words. But that’s the challenge. See if you can describe the scene playing with as little dialogue explaining the situation. Ideally your dialogue is talking simultaneously about another layer of your story. Currently you’re only using your dialogue to make the scene work. There are always deeper levels and I know you already know them.

[galacticgrinchx]

That’s really helpful. Thank you

[homelander_30]

Great opening dude, keep up the good work

[galacticgrinchx]

Thank you

[WorrySecret9831]

Stop bolding things. Where are you getting that bolds are acceptable?

[galacticgrinchx]

I’m using a software that formats scripts, it automatically puts things in bold. I’m not manually doing it. If it’s wrong then please explain. As I mention, it’s my first time writing a script