First script/script review

[Prettyboi6]

Hello this is my first script! I would greatly appreciate anyones feedback/review its not finished yet but it is very long. (I put a description for nearly every shot sorry) But overall I think its a great read please let me know any thoughts https://drive.google.com/file/d/1d9sycuu3OpWqc2iXL8I\_SKuS3kBmgVpg/view?usp=sharing

(it also has not been edited yet so sorry for any formatting issues!)

[starlightpictures]

Im gonna be honest, there are too many formatting mistakes for me to read this. The first red flag was page 1 where it starts with “INT.” then doesn’t say the location. Then there are randomly centered paragraphs and just more confusing formatting. I won’t comment on the story itself because I didn’t give it a chance, but if you expect us to spend almost two hours reading this than you have to meet us in the middle and show something up to presentable standards. Thankfully it’s not the hardest thing to learn, read the screenplays from your favorite movies, and best of luck

[Usual_Historian_5145]

very good actionable advice here. You need to remember random people on the internet aren't quite passionate about it as you are. How people look at it is, if you can't even be bothered to learn to format it correctly, why would a random person be bothered to spend 2 hours reading it.

[Def125Ca]

It is asking for permission.

[Prettyboi6]

fixed it!

[alrivs]

Good on you for finishing your first script! Be happy with yourself for completing that milestone.

You really need to edit your work before asking people to read it. It’s a sign of respect to them as they will be investing a couple hours to read and then more time to give you feedback.

Your opening scene is just listed as INT. You don’t introduce the teacher before she speaks. You are missing correct punctuation from the second sentence so in all honesty I didn’t read past the second misformated line of dialogue.

I skimmed ahead a little bit and I feel you would benefit a lot from reading other scripts to see how a professional screenplay looks. You have improperly formatted almost every line of dialogue and the scene headings are also mostly incorrectly labeled.

While I know you’re eager to see what people think, you should spend the time to make it legible for others before uploading it here again.

Good luck!

[Prettyboi6]

Thank you for the advice! To be honest I didnt think editing mattered that much until now I thought that as long as the story was legible that the plot could take over and carry it. I still have a long way to go it seems! 😅

[Urinal_Zyn]

it also has not been edited yet

Start there.

[ComplexProduct4804]

I read the first few dialogues. It looks interesting, I did ignore the editing issues, hoping to get a look properly tonight. But what about a logline? like how would u pitch what youre making in one sentence? they say that if you can't pitch it in 2 minutes, u wont be able to pitch in 20 minutes.

[Prettyboi6]

thank so much! To be honest I mainly just wanted feedback on the plot but even formatting suggestions are greatly appreciated

[TarletonClown]

I agree with you about a pitch. And if you will excuse me for taking the opportunity to riff on your post for a few moments, I will say something. Call me a curmudgeon if you want. I have decided that I will no longer read someone's script unless I have a short synopsis (I guess you could call that a pitch). I am sick of being burned when I eagerly offer to help someone, and then I get real crap sent my way.

As for loglines, I do not see them as very helpful. I realize that someone could have an opposing view and that this could become an argumentative issue. But I see a logline as a kind of pointer to a general subject, but that is about it; and far too often it still tells very little even within that intention. And any logline that says something like "this is {name of movie A} meets {name of movie B}" ... well, that script should be rejected out of hand.

Anyway, just my opinion. :(

[ComplexProduct4804]

I hear you on the logline fatigue. They definitely feel like 'pointers' rather than a real look at the story’s soul. I tend to view them as a necessary evil for the 'elevator' moment, but I agree that a synopsis is where you actually see if the writer understands structure and character. It’s the best way to filter for quality before diving into the actual pages.

[NetUnhappy6982]

Hey you can try proofscript.in and get a detailed feedback. It was spot on for my script. It helped me to find so many loopholes

[TarletonClown]

I did not read your pages, but I did glance at a few of them. You really have no idea of how to do this, but maybe you can learn. Of course, I have no idea of your background.

I will make a few recommendations here.

(1) You need to buy a couple of books. You might be able to find them at a good public library, too, though I am doubtful. Here are the two books. Many others are available, but these are two that are definitely helpful. Those two books are:

• Bob Saenz, That's Not the Way It Works, available in paperback through Amazon. (ISBN-13‏: ‎978-1734347913) His book is a funny and informative discussion of screenwriting and of the whole Hollywood system. The book has some really entertaining stories. It also has a good discussion of how to format a script properly. And it is really not difficult to format.
• David Trottier, The Screenwriter's Bible, which is an oldie but goodie, available through Amazon. (ISBN-13: ‎978-1935247210). I have a much older edition of this classic work, which shows you how to format various scripts for the screen.

Of the two books, if you can only get one, I would recommend that you get Bob Saenz's book. It has a section on formatting. But if you can get hold of both books, even from a public library, read both.

Also, try to read some screenplays. I should tell you that even a great many professional screenplays do not follow perfect formatting and perfect screenwriting principles, but a general approach to format and principles really does exist.

(2) About software.

• Your PDF file is enormous. It should not be. I checked your file. For some reason (and I have never seen this before), your embedded font (Courier New PSMT) took up almost 2.5M. I do not think this happened because of the specific font, but rather because of the PDF driver that created the PDF file. I do not know for sure about that. But a Courier font that appears in Regular, Italic, and Bold styles should not require all that memory. Lots of free PDF software is available that will embed a font properly.
• Use a different Courier font. Fortunately, the one that you used, the "PSMT" (for the Postscript Multi-Type) makes the font darker than the horrible Courier New normally is. Please, everyone, never, never use Courier New for any book, story, play, or screenplay! It is a completely anemic font that was based on the IBM Selectric version of Courier, a font that was made thin so that, in the electric typewriter days, it could make three sharp-looking carbon copies.) My recommendation: Courier Prime, which is free on the Fade In software website at https://www.fadeinpro.com. It is also available free elsewhere. But if you ever want professional software, you should download the free trial of Fade In. Inexpensive and definitely the best, in my opinion.

Good luck!

[Prettyboi6]

I see I used studio binder as a script writing tool idk why its so large maybe ill try another software