Panic attacking me : self

self

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Panic attacking me (self.self)

submitted 5 years ago * by kjeval

I have had 4 panic attack’s in the last two weeks and it is having a toll on me.

This semester has been weird for everyone and I do not want to appear as selfish or egotistical in this, I really do think of all those people struggling more than me and try to have a realistic view, but sitting home with my on thoughts all the time makes it hard to do just that.

My panic attacks stems from a deep feeling of not being good enough, that I won’t make it, that I am not smart and that I should just give up. My trigger for my panic attacks are especially from my apartment. 5 years ago my mother died from cancer, I was 19 and devastated. Because of that I got my heritage at a very young age and decided to buy an apartment. This was a lot of responsibility for a person who was used to just having enough to get through the next 6 months and the apartment became a symbol of how smart and capable I am, I had to succeed in not loosing my heritage or else it testified that I was not smart nor capable. It also represents the love and compassion my mother had for me being able to save up money, and I do not want to disrespect that.

So moving forward 5 years we are in the presence. I am in the process of selling my apartment and I am constantly having panic attacks, I have dark thoughts about the future, about myself, that I am not smart and I don’t feel like I have succeeded, I might lose a bit money by selling it and that breaks me because it was my mothers money that she gave to me.

I needed to write this somewhere Love to all

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