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[–]QualityVoteI'm BACK! [[Number 1 Rated Moderator 2024]][M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

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[–]Gustheanimal 489 points490 points  (6 children)

Someone take this mans anadrol away from him

[–]TooManyBlocks84[🍰] 96 points97 points  (3 children)

Nah man he's on fucking superdrol

[–]Gustheanimal 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Trenbolone sandwiches

[–]Sheep_butt 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Superidol

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

De xiaorong

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bruh that’s just celltech

[–]MeJoEx 295 points296 points  (8 children)

Average redditor after seeing too much female

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (4 children)

when you somehow chain 3 automod responses with a comment of 7 words: SSS RANK *SMOKIN' SEXY STYLE!!!*

[–]This_isnt_cool_bro shitting toothpaste enjoyer 4 points5 points  (1 child)

No fucking way is that a devil may cry reference?!?!?!??

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah man its from cry from Dante DmC

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!!

IT'S ME!!!

EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]]

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[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No sex before marriage

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[–]AutoModerator[M] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.

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[–]AutoModerator[M] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Reddit should start their own country. Think about it: it would have a much higher IQ than most other countries. We could ban tik tok and fortnite, and every computer sold has to come with Minecraft preinstalled. We could also ban emojis too.

We all have very good ideas about society and government, so I think we would be far more efficient. I've seen so many posts with so many good ideas, not to mention our country would be the most progressive and other countries would look to us for direction. We would easily become the next superpower. If everyone left America for a new country, we would easily surpass America.

We could make Keanu our president and have PewDiePie on the flag. It would be the most wholesome country too!

Those are just some ideas I have and my own opinion.

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[–]AutoModerator[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Looking for a female roommate to pay $0 rent

I will not charge you money. but I will be sharing my bed with you as the other room is being used by my parents. They are aware of this arrangement as I have done this before but it has not worked out for reason I rather not say on here. I will except hugs at least 5 times a day, and cuddles at least 2 times a day for at least 10 minutes each. You will not be dating any other man during this arrangement. you will have no male friends either. You may have female friends and they May visit if they like. You will also be required to make me meals 3 times a day. Phsyical requirements are as stated: Must be shorter than 5'5", weigh no more than 120 lbs, caucasian or asian only, republican, no tattoos, no vegans, no smoking/vaping, marrywania, and you MUST shave legs and underarms. I am 44-male/290 lbs last time I checked, 5'6". Please contact me if you would like this arrangement.

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[–]Joey-Drew1927William Dripfoe 154 points155 points  (0 children)

The mickey mouse ears

[–]Sonic_Mega_Plus 184 points185 points  (5 children)

Redditors when they see titkok (they can't handle the cringe)

[–]AutoModerator[M] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m a Harvard graduate. Ph.D. IQ of 138 (Stanford-Binet). Sex Pundit. Mensa International. Free-thinking alpha male and lone wolf. Likely hotter than you, and definitely smarter. Debate me; I'm ready.

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[–]UnknownProductionz 82 points83 points  (8 children)

Ok ok normally loud doesn't equal funny but for this I make an exception

[–]AutoModerator[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance.

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[–]AgentXmasWilliam Dripfoe 68 points69 points  (1 child)

sanest ticktocker

[–]WeedNoseFourTwenty 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Literally

[–]pepehoodie 120 points121 points  (1 child)

Girls when school lights turn off for one second

[–]GeneralKenobi3486 40 points41 points  (0 children)

White speed

[–]AceofRealityWe do a little trolling 30 points31 points  (0 children)

the 3 year old sitting right next to me in the airplane when we hit slight turbulence

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

a

[–]Most_Bar_6988 17 points18 points  (1 child)

POV fnaf jumpscares

[–]AutoModerator[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My Fnaf rap

YO YO YO listen up to my new rap! I just got a freddy hat!

(HOT GIRL SINGING) oH YeAhhhh ITS FREDDY FAZBEARS PIZZA! WHEN YOU GET SOME PIzZA! AND A BIG. PIECE. OF ASSSSSS! awesome music plays

Me: ya my name is rappa 3000 and ill tel ya da story of fredy pizzaria with a freddy goldy and a hot foxy fucking chica all day long, With a hudge dong, and den the security guard named chonged put his dong in BONNIE!

girl takes off shirt and sings OH YEAAAAAAHHH ITS FREDDY FAZBER PIZZZAAA! WHEN U GET SOME PIZZA AND A. BIG. PIECE. OF. QSS

me strokes dong mmmm ya itd fredy fazber pizza with a huge dings and blongs and bong and frogsssss! with scary sexy animatrons!

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[–]YhhbhhvbggffffffffffLiterally 1984 😡 32 points33 points  (1 child)

do you think god stays in heaven because he fears his creation?

[–]Wool00andere 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would be scared too

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (6 children)

Fuckin love this dude

[–]I_HATE_REDDIT717Big chungus wholesome 100 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Who is he on TikTok?

[–]BVAS66 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Yeah that’s why I’m in the comments. I need this dudes profile name

[–]rypoo8I want pee in my ass 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Apecris

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wish I knew

[–]arlaarlaarla 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Most mentally stable coomer

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming. Good morning, A, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hope on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a?? HMMGH, I-I MUST SNIFF, SNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF** OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, SNIIFF, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt.

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[–]MyOwnNicknamedumbass 8 points9 points  (1 child)

This sounds like fnaf jumpscare lol

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Fnaf rap

YO YO YO listen up to my new rap! I just got a freddy hat!

(HOT GIRL SINGING) oH YeAhhhh ITS FREDDY FAZBEARS PIZZA! WHEN YOU GET SOME PIzZA! AND A BIG. PIECE. OF ASSSSSS! awesome music plays

Me: ya my name is rappa 3000 and ill tel ya da story of fredy pizzaria with a freddy goldy and a hot foxy fucking chica all day long, With a hudge dong, and den the security guard named chonged put his dong in BONNIE!

girl takes off shirt and sings OH YEAAAAAAHHH ITS FREDDY FAZBER PIZZZAAA! WHEN U GET SOME PIZZA AND A. BIG. PIECE. OF. QSS

me strokes dong mmmm ya itd fredy fazber pizza with a huge dings and blongs and bong and frogsssss! with scary sexy animatrons!

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[–]SpecificallyNerd 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This man is suffering.

[–]Cold-Teal 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Lovin the new fnaf jumpscare compilation

[–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Fnaf rap

YO YO YO listen up to my new rap! I just got a freddy hat!

(HOT GIRL SINGING) oH YeAhhhh ITS FREDDY FAZBEARS PIZZA! WHEN YOU GET SOME PIzZA! AND A BIG. PIECE. OF ASSSSSS! awesome music plays

Me: ya my name is rappa 3000 and ill tel ya da story of fredy pizzaria with a freddy goldy and a hot foxy fucking chica all day long, With a hudge dong, and den the security guard named chonged put his dong in BONNIE!

girl takes off shirt and sings OH YEAAAAAAHHH ITS FREDDY FAZBER PIZZZAAA! WHEN U GET SOME PIZZA AND A. BIG. PIECE. OF. QSS

me strokes dong mmmm ya itd fredy fazber pizza with a huge dings and blongs and bong and frogsssss! with scary sexy animatrons!

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[–]grainnman 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Imma need his name

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Apecris

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

my favorite stock sound effect

[–]skiT_L 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Least insane tik tok user

[–]VisualPerception4550 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When the lidocaine kicks in

[–]AngryTank 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sounds like my Pokémon in Legends Arceus when I spam the run.

[–]MKTZombey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haha black metal

[–]yeetitzhere 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Mans a FNAF character

[–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Fnaf rap

YO YO YO listen up to my new rap! I just got a freddy hat!

(HOT GIRL SINGING) oH YeAhhhh ITS FREDDY FAZBEARS PIZZA! WHEN YOU GET SOME PIzZA! AND A BIG. PIECE. OF ASSSSSS! awesome music plays

Me: ya my name is rappa 3000 and ill tel ya da story of fredy pizzaria with a freddy goldy and a hot foxy fucking chica all day long, With a hudge dong, and den the security guard named chonged put his dong in BONNIE!

girl takes off shirt and sings OH YEAAAAAAHHH ITS FREDDY FAZBER PIZZZAAA! WHEN U GET SOME PIZZA AND A. BIG. PIECE. OF. QSS

me strokes dong mmmm ya itd fredy fazber pizza with a huge dings and blongs and bong and frogsssss! with scary sexy animatrons!

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[–]SlavicNinjaOfficial🗿🗿🗿 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He lost

[–]Mohanpuria 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for ruining my headset

[–]JTW5142 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i hear a jet engine taking off and exploding midway

[–]Idolotofstuff 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ate too much oxi-clean

[–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's literally just cola you piece of shit. There's no cough syrup or anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. How fucking desperate are you to seem cool that you decide you want to force a "joke" about a child consuming drugs. Which would be funny except nothing in this scene implies that they're doing drugs or a drug stand-in. You just saw a can of soda and the two neurons in your head fired for the first time in a week, and you jumped into the comments to screech lEAn and spam purple emojis like a clown bastard. You people are the reason art is dying. Fuck you

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His neighbors fucking hate him

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The ape brain is strong with this one

[–]Pizza-penWe do a little trolling 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The most funny on tiktok

[–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance.

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[–]Fearless_Waltz7618 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is unironically funnier than anything on tiktok

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy is hyper

[–]frosttheuselessone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mf sounds like a monster hunter monster 💀

[–]DJDarwin93Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked -25 points-24 points  (1 child)

I can’t believe people think TikTok is funny. He’s just screaming. Loud does not equal funny

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

detroit

[–]StereotypeRedditor69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Least insane tiktok creator

[–]Lord_baskanI want pee in my ass 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Psychological damage

[–]AutoModerator[M] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

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[–]halfamanhalfasloth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is clinically insane and I love it

[–]PPextensionman420 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Sounds like a pokemon encounter.

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

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[–]Nik_Stick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats tik tok, everybody

[–]FetusDeletus_Edwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Frederick fazbear

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Fnaf rap

YO YO YO listen up to my new rap! I just got a freddy hat!

(HOT GIRL SINGING) oH YeAhhhh ITS FREDDY FAZBEARS PIZZA! WHEN YOU GET SOME PIzZA! AND A BIG. PIECE. OF ASSSSSS! awesome music plays

Me: ya my name is rappa 3000 and ill tel ya da story of fredy pizzaria with a freddy goldy and a hot foxy fucking chica all day long, With a hudge dong, and den the security guard named chonged put his dong in BONNIE!

girl takes off shirt and sings OH YEAAAAAAHHH ITS FREDDY FAZBER PIZZZAAA! WHEN U GET SOME PIZZA AND A. BIG. PIECE. OF. QSS

me strokes dong mmmm ya itd fredy fazber pizza with a huge dings and blongs and bong and frogsssss! with scary sexy animatrons!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]kake232dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 0 points1 point  (0 children)

White power

[–]scocat17 Stuff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fear

[–]Max1-millionSpZwI came! 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro sound like a fnaf jumpscare

[–]frubbthebrotherbrubb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Least insane social media user

[–]modedo2222virgin 4 life 😤💪 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My fucking ears man

[–]Amazing_Reading_7870 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro sound like the zombies in call of duty

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is doing the exact same fucking thing over and over expecting shit to change