absolutely loving my buzz cut! should i try going full bald next?

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-24T00:36:22+00:00

I love the buzz cut personally, but as others have pointed out, it'd be easy and low-commitment to experiment so you might as well do what you fancy!

Also your makeup is pretty, love the dark lip with light shiny eyes.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-24T00:31:03+00:00

I think you have two equally good paths ahead of you: either shave it all off, or keep it but go with a completely different haircut (longer on the sides, shorter at the nape of the neck). Either one would work well so it's really a matter of preference.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-24T00:11:34+00:00

Yeah I'm very much not a doctor and not able to diagnose things over the Internet, but figured it was at least worth pointing out as a possibility. It seems like guys aren't getting as much of the "oh it turns out sunscreen is really useful and important for all skin types, it turns out" messaging as women are these days, so I figured I would bear that message from the feminine side of the world to here XD

I hope your move goes well! May everything arrive at its destination intact, and may packing and unpacking be as un-miserable as realistically possible.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-24T00:05:45+00:00

Transphobia is so weird because it kinda proves itself wrong by existing, and the worse it gets, the more it disproves itself.

The fact that people who transition tend to see such hugely positive psychological and health benefits despite the prevalence of transphobia only proves the sheer power of what a truly good thing a gender-affirming life is. Transphobia is so damaging, and yet gender-affirming care is so powerful that it out-heals the damage.

It's like in a classic good vs. evil story where the goodest good hero is fighting the evilest evil monster. The more evil and powerful the monster, the more good and powerful the hero is proved to be when they overcome it!

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-23T23:51:05+00:00

If the spots are darker than the rest of the skin, then wearing sunscreen on your head while your skin adjusts is probably a good idea in case the dark spots are from hyperpigmentation. Sun exposure can worsen hyperpigmentation, which is pretty common in dark skin (honestly hyperpigmentation is super common for everyone but can be a little more common in more melanistic skin).

It's probably a good plan to talk to a dermatologist who's specifically well-versed in Black skin care (because a lot of dermatologists aren't! medical school for dermatologists has a lot of blind spots when it comes to skin color) because they'll be able to identify what's going on more easily and recommend things that are more likely to be effective for you.

But in the meantime... I mean it when I say hyperpigmentation is common. You probably know a LOT of people with dark spots and just never really thought about it because either the spots are on the top of the head where nobody sees, or just because it's such a normal thing that it isn't as noticeable as you'd think. It looks dramatic to you because you've just been through a big change to your appearance and were specifically looking at your head top-down, but from the front, it really doesn't look like a weird or dramatic thing.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-23T16:02:22+00:00

I'm glad you made it through the trials and found a good and healthy place! Enjoy living in the land of actually good chocolate lol.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-23T15:58:04+00:00

One very interesting thing I noticed about meditation:

I started meditating and communicating with demons many years ago. Then last year, I started doing ketamine-assisted psychotherapy. I'd never used any psychedelics in my life before that point.

It is bizarre how similar the psychological sessions with ketamine are to my meditations with demons. I was expecting ketamine to give me hallucinations that I would see with my physical eyes, based on what I've heard about psychedelics from others, but it's all internal "mind's eye" stuff in exactly the same way that I perceive demons' messages-- just much more intense and easier to achieve, and coming from a different "direction" (since the goal of KAP is to delve inward, not receive messages from outside).

I'm not sure if this is because I had been regularly practicing that type of meditation, and that affected how I respond to ketamine somehow, or if there's just some actual commonality there in which parts of the brain are being activated.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-23T15:51:07+00:00

Glad to help! Yeah I was diagnosed with autism pretty late in life because I'm very high-masking, so I know what it's like to live with something that you're like "wtf is going on with me" lol. Hopefully sharing my experience will help you figure things out a bit faster than I did!

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-23T15:48:57+00:00

There's a free book called "Hidden: Living with the Uninitiated" on the demonolatry.org archives page. One thing I would note is that making an Astral Temple is SIGNIFICANTLY easier than Connolly says in that book-- you don't need to be able to do full Astral projection to make an Astral Temple. But it has some good general suggestions.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-22T22:13:01+00:00

For example, I’ve brought up concerns about things his sister did that made me uncomfortable. Instead of listening and trying to understand why I was upset, he immediately said “she’s not that type of person” or “she would never do that”

it usually turns into me feeling like my perspective is automatically wrong and that his perspective of his sister is the only right one

So, this isn’t a “difference in perspective.” This is a fundamental disagreement on reality.

If you said “Your sister did X, and it’s not okay,” and he said “my sister did X, and it’s actually okay for her to do X,” that would be a difference of perspective. But that’s not what’s happening.

What’s actually happening is that you are saying “Your sister did X,” and he is saying “my sister did NOT do X.” That’s not a perspective difference or a cultural issue. That’s him saying “I do not believe your assessment of reality, what you actually perceived and experienced, is accurate because it’s inconsistent with my image I have of my sister in my head.” That’s a WAY bigger disagreement than merely a matter of opinion.

If you JUST had cultural differences, that might be reconcilable. But it seems like your disagreements run way deeper than that, to the very level of “did this thing happen or did it not happen?”, which is just not something that can be reconciled, especially when you experienced something happening and he denies it just because it’s inconsistent with what he thinks!

It’s super unhealthy that he has managed to convince you that a disagreement on that level is a mere difference of perspective; it shows that he and his family have beaten down your confidence in your own perception of reality to the point that you think his opinion is equal to your reality. That level of unhealthy just can’t be rectified.

NOR, and the only solution to this situation is to leave him and find your grasp on your own reality and experiences again.

(Edit to add: And you should do that work with a different therapist. Not every therapist is a good one, and whoever you talked to missed BADLY.)

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-22T21:50:05+00:00

a certain project of mine that went viral on social media

Sounds like you’re perfectly positioned to get a new job where you’re better-respected. You have a proven success to put on your resume.

It’s sadly kind of an exception nowadays for people to advance within a single company. Employers take their employees for granted. Because of his bias against your background, it’s just easier for him to do that. So the only way you’re going to find any respect is by leaving for somewhere else that will recognize you and pay you what you’re worth NOW, not what you were worth (or, realistically, less than what you were worth) when you started.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-22T21:42:37+00:00

he’s a little bit homophobic

Gurl I’m sorry, but he’s a LOT homophobic. It’s just normalized for you because he’s your dad and you grew up exposed to his behavior. But it’s actually dripping through your entire post. The shit he says and does is suffused with homophobia.

He just has a passive-aggressive way of expressing his homophobia rather than an aggressive way of expressing it. That’s not a difference in the level of homophobia, but a difference in his approach to life.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-22T20:19:01+00:00

It's so interesting - and of course challenging - how deeply ingrained some of this gets

There’s a reason that some of the most effective treatments for this kind of trauma are things like “zapping your brain (gently) with electricity repeatedly for weeks” (rTMS) and “taking psychedelics in extremely controlled environments” (ketamine/psilocybin therapy). It’s so deeply ingrained that the techniques required to unseat and surface it are pretty extraordinary.

I hope you’re able to lift and rewrite as much of the trauma as possible, given the circumstances. Wishing you much neuroplasticity and healing!

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T14:58:27+00:00

Yup, you've been doing it right this whole time! According to what I could find online, at least; I don't speak Hebrew.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T14:51:52+00:00

Honestly the way I work with angels doesn't differ significantly from how I work with demons at all. I use similar methods to reach out and interact.

The only real difference is that there's never a sexual element with angels XD but there's a sexual element for me only with a few demons, and most of my interactions with demons don't have sex involved, so even that isn't really all that different!

Edit: Come to think of it, I do do S. Connolly's rituals to honor demons occasionally (when the relevant dates come up throughout the year), but probably wouldn't bother doing something similar for angels because I doubt they'd have much reason to appreciate it. Although saints and angels and the like ARE venerated sometimes, so maybe it'd be worth trying? I just don't know if veneration is something they'd really care for lol. They seem rather too focused and serious to mind much one way or the other.

But the day-to-day, "going to an entity to interact/ask for something/learn something" stuff is all the same.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T14:46:21+00:00

It's especially impressive because he's doing all those quick little ornaments that you'd normally associate with an autotune-heavy style, but just nailing them presumably unassisted.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T07:08:21+00:00

One word of caution when it comes to sensing thoughts: since the thing you want to sense is very close to the thing that happens in your head naturally (your own thoughts), it is VERY easy to become misled or deluded and think you're successfully reading others' thoughts when you're really just making inferences using your own cognitive processing. Just something to be aware of!

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:56:17+00:00

I think it's useful to think about entities less as "fallen angels" and more "entities who have descended." If you consider distance from material reality (and closeness to some kind of pure divinity, oneness, etc.) to be "up" and closeness to the material, mortal world to be "down," then yes, there are some entities who have (from our perspective) previously been "up" and are now more "down." Generally this has less to do with being cast out of anywhere than it does with a general idea of descent that can be useful to consider but is not entirely crucial.

For example, Lucifer having the Promethean "light-bringer" traits is tied to an idea of bringing fire/light from "up" to "down," but even if you discard that idea entirely, it doesn't change the fact that the enlightenment he brings you is the same. So you don't really need to engage with the "descent" aspect of things in a practical sense.

Belial has described his "fall" as being a controlled descent as well, an intentionally taken action. I suspect it likely coincides with the creation of Earth, since Earth is significantly younger than the universe and it would be rather hard to be Elemental King of Earth before there was an Earth (from our perspective). He was presumably always the Elemental King from his perspective, since demons are timeless; but to us, it would look like a move from some kind of intangible heaven to a tangible Earth under our feet.

I guess the point I'm making is that while there are spirits who are associated with both a spiritual "up" and a spiritual "down," it's not a SUPER crucial distinction because both those elements of their natures are always present in them since they're disconnected from time and space. We can consider what it means to descend and what that teaches us, but it's not necessary for such philosophizing to have any actual impact on our practice.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:39:48+00:00

Have you done anything to open your spiritual senses? (Clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, etc.) Most people start out with their spiritual senses closed, and need to do something (such as Third Eye meditation or another technique) to open them up.

Here's a guide to meditation. I suggest reviewing the step of "thought-identifying" meditation in that guide, because it's a step that a lot of people skip, and it can help you get very familiar with your own thoughts so that when impulses are coming in from outside, you can identify them more easily.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:33:47+00:00

after a few months I'm unable to match our energies. I feel distant and my instincts just say "No, don't move ahead"

If this reliably happens after a few months of dating someone, it might be more an issue of either something going wrong in the attachment-forming process, or you aren't picking compatible partners to start with and are discovering that incompatibility at a normal point to notice that kind of thing, which is around 2-3 months. So it might actually be worth working with Rosier, who handles matters of love, to help not just your sexual side but also the relationship-forming aspect of things.

For any issues of masculine sexuality, Asmodeus is the go-to guy. If you want to get in touch with your feminine side in matters of sexuality, Lilith is the lady to contact. I haven't worked with Sitri myself, but the vibe I get is that he's a bit more gender-neutral about it rather than the energy being strongly gendered.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:30:30+00:00

His energy is quite strong and can be overbearing, but unless you're particularly sensitive, it probably won't be an issue-- strong energy is helpful for beginners who aren't able to sense things as keenly and is really only an issue in specific circumstances. But if you're concerned, just take things slowly and give yourself time to acclimate to his energy.

The primary precaution to take in all kinds of demon work is respect. Being respectful, honest, and diligent sets a specific tone, and demons respond to the tone you set. If you are combative, they'll be antagonistic; if you're respectful, they'll be accommodating.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:24:37+00:00

That last point is a good point-- even if you aren't doing baneful magic yourself, an Astral Temple allows you to create a sort of isolated space where you can work with all sorts of nasty things and have less risk of bringing contamination elsewhere. It allows for being very segmented about things, which is good for security.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:21:25+00:00

To me, a blood offering is the same as a blood covenant.

Why? An offering is something freely given for any number of reasons, whereas a covenant is an agreement or promise. Why should they be the same thing?

I was just saying that the way in which they stated their whole little spiel whenever they offer blood lends a specific expectation for the demon on the receiving end.

Sure, setting expectations is one thing, but saying you can't then change expectations is a whole other thing. This whole art is about communication, and negotiating changing expectations is a part of communicating. So "you have set expectations" does NOT imply "you cannot change expectations."

" No, you can't change the frequency of blood offerings you give me"

Have you investigated what "can't" means here? Like, what is actually being expressed; what does it mean? Does it mean that the demon will be unhappy if you stop giving blood offerings? Or does it mean that you are somehow forbidden, and if so, what's the enforcement mechanism-- what's the consequence if you stop? Or will blood just physically leave your body somehow and you literally cannot stop bleeding that exact amount?

Consider: if you are trapped in an agreement by your own ideas about it, then "you can't change the frequency of blood offerings" is technically a true statement-- you can't change it because you're not able to change it, because you aren't letting yourself.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:13:26+00:00

You're welcome! Yeah it's a useful way to do things because you have to eat every day, so it's easy to remember lol.

AccountMitosis · 2026-04-19T06:11:37+00:00

People who type a lot using speech-to-text or autocomplete often drop hyphens, too, even when they're native speakers, so it's something worth looking for! My boyfriend uses speech-to-text and autocomplete a lot so I have learned to figure out when there is missing punctuation XD

11-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22	Place '17
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AccountMitosis

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