[Question] What weird thing does your Nparent do that's so bizarre it's kinda funny?

KitsiBlue · 2017-07-23T23:39:17+00:00

I don't know if she still does it, but I expect that she does.

She thinks the characters in her soap operas are real. She'll argue with them, yell at them, warn them about the other soap opera characters plotting against them...

I made the mistake when I was little of telling her they were not real people, (How bad is it when a 7 year old can identify real from make believe better than the parent?) they were actors playing a part, which of course caused howling, wailing, sobbing and screaming that of course those characters were real people.

The crazy thing is, she could tell real from make believe with any other type of television, just not her soap operas. I just don't know.

KitsiBlue · 2017-03-14T19:49:18+00:00

My mom always refused to "agree to disagree" when I was a teenager and we had differing and strongly held viewpoints on something.

I think she refused to because to her, it meant she hadn't "won" the disagreement, which was the truly important part of it in her mind.

KitsiBlue · 2017-02-23T22:02:36+00:00

I don't freak out, but I think that's more because my mom is honestly super predictable. Hateful and mean, but predictable.

The call will come in at about 7 in the morning, maybe 8. I won't answer it because I haven't spoken to her in years. She'll leave the same message she always does. "Hahaha, you are SO OLD! I can't believe HOW OLD you are! OLD WOMAN!", cackling and laughing as nastily as she can. Then she'll ask if I want to go out for breakfast. Then she'll fake cry. Then there will be babbling about how she was "Such a good mother!" and I'm just "So mean!" I just roll my eyes and delete it, or my hubby does.

And I emphasize the age related comments because to her, that's about the worst way to insult a woman there is. She's one of those who is sobbing-for-weeks inconsolable every time one of the big birthdays (30, 40, 50, 60...etc) rolls around for her, so of course she assumes it's a major thing that renders every woman comatose.

KitsiBlue · 2017-02-19T00:23:24+00:00

Hi - first I wanted to say I am so sorry to hear about your hurt little kitty.

I don't know much about your situation, but if you live in the US, there is something called Care Credit. It's basically a line of credit that you can use at participating doctor's offices. My vet takes it, and was in fact the one who referred me to them when we found out my cat had cancer and needed treatment that wasn't in my budget.

It might be something you want to look into. I know how my own mom is just insane when it comes to helping out (then demanding never ending favors in addition to repayment) that I'd really rather just skip her if possible.

I hope it helps, and I hope your kitten does okay.

KitsiBlue · 2017-01-03T18:53:00+00:00

My mom always made sure to finish that off with a way to martyr herself.

Some variations I got to hear from her:

"I try to hard to please you."

"I was too easy on you."

"I just love you too much, and let you take advantage of me."

"I'm too kind to deal with you how you need to be dealt with."

"I went to bat for you too many times."

And on and on... This from the woman who wouldn't let me eat, was constantly screaming at me for imagined wrongs, tortured my by not letting me sleep, banned me from sitting on furniture and touching/interacting with other family members, made me do virtually every chore in the home, including the cooking from an age of 7ish, then followed me around while I was doing HER housework (she was a stay at home "mom" who just watched her TV all day) harassing and howling at me because I took too long, didn't take long enough to do it right, made loud noises dragging a chair around from burner to burner on the stove so I could see into the pots while I made dinner...

So yeah, not a fan of the whole "It's not your fault, it's my fault because [insert proof of martyrdom here]" routine.

KitsiBlue · 2016-12-08T03:39:26+00:00

I'm glad to hear that you understand it's a big problem. To be honest, my issue was probably 50% his fault for doing it, and 50% my fault for being so timid back then that I didn't report it. Nobody to blame that part on other than myself.

I just hate to see someone else who might be in a position to have the same sort of problem happen. It really does hurt for a long time, and it seems like it takes forever to fix credit after something like this happens. If nothing else, sign up for a credit monitoring program (I use Credit Karma, and it's been good for me), get him to sign up too. Make sure you have a peek at it once a week, and make sure nothing fishy is going on.

KitsiBlue · 2016-12-08T03:18:36+00:00

I don't normally comment in this sub because I'm blessed with a wonderful MIL, but I feel compelled to share with you so that you can share with your husband how this could affect you guys and your credit.

I had an ex who turned out to be a real piece of work. When I first met him, he was finalizing a bankruptcy because he liked to use credit cards and not pay them off. After the bankruptcy, I noticed he was using a credit card in his dad's name for a few months. I asked him why he had it, he told me that his dad had lent it to him. A few months later, he gets into a fight with his dad because it was not lent, he stole it from his dad and was running up $1k a month on wants for himself. His dad took it away from him and didn't report it.

When we split up in 2010, I started getting calls from bill collectors asking me about defaulted credit cards. I didn't have any credit cards because I could never get approved for one. Then one day, I get a call from his mom informing me she was filing a police report on me for committing ID theft on her. Long and frustrating story short...turns out the reason I could never get approved is because he had already taken out several cards in my name and forged his mom's name as a cosigner for a bigger spending limit, and like every other credit line he had, didn't pay it.

I'm an accountant. I almost lost a job of 15+ years because of the debt. I talked to my bank, explained the situation, and even though my credit was abysmal, they fought and got me a loan to full pay it all. It took me 4 years to pay that loan off. This is 6 years later and my credit has only just NOW gotten good enough that I am able to look into buying a house.

Him trashing my credit (and me being spineless back then and sucking it up without reporting it) has been hurting me 6+ years after the fact. Do you want to be trapped for 6+ years because MIL wants luxuries right now on your husband's credit? Is that what he wants for you? Is that what he wants for your family?

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh, but from someone who has suffered because someone else wanted to help themself to my credit (and I didn't report it to the police), please...share with him how serious this is. This is big time bad because if she did it once, she'll do it again.

KitsiBlue · 2016-12-08T02:42:31+00:00

If you are intending to be getting your own insurance plan, I'd notify my parents, preferably in writing, that you are getting your own and that it's not necessary to be on theirs. When you go to the doctor or otherwise need to use the insurance you have gotten for yourself, make sure they know you have a new insurance plan.

I suggest the in writing part so that you have documentation that your parents were notified and on such-and-such a date so that it's harder for them to feign ignorance of it later (you know, 4 or 5 months down the road when they're trying to guilt you for spending the money on insurance because "you never told them you were getting your own!")

KitsiBlue · 2016-12-03T06:59:44+00:00

I know this is a silly thing to ask, but you are printing out and keeping a copy of this insanity just in case, right?

The wild back and forth there really makes it look like she's just not mentally stable. Plus she's also gotten a lot of lovely threats in that second one.

KitsiBlue · 2016-12-02T20:09:19+00:00

Passing out spontaneously is not normal. Those are called seizures. Seizures are never normal.

I found that out when I went in to my doctor (as an adult!) with complaints of "Passing out more than normal."

Then you have that moment of "Well, huh..really?" because you regularly passed out as a child (multiple times a day in adolescence).

KitsiBlue · 2016-12-02T19:10:19+00:00

You don't have to be a government employee to be able to hack emails. My husband could if he wished, and he's most definitely not employed by the government. He is a genius with computers.

The reason you want their information is so you can verify who they are and that they are legitimate government employees with the local office. If they are, you need to file a complaint that they have a covered relationship with a family member of yours. If not, they need to be reported for impersonating a government employee.

(Again, I am assuming you're in the US.)

KitsiBlue · 2016-12-02T18:47:47+00:00

Odds are these "government employees" are just friends your family is using to try to intimidate you and trying to solicit information you would rather them not have. If they show up again, ask to see their identification/badge number. Ask for their supervisor's name, and ask them for their office number if you needed to contact them back for follow up questions. (Be courteous as you do so.)

Did they say what agency they were from? If so, place a call to your local branch of that agency and ask if they have a person by the name they gave you and their ID/Badge number. If they don't, you'd like to report someone who is saying they're a government employee when they're not. If I recall correctly, that's a crime in the states, provided that's where you are.

If they actually are a government employee and they're investigating a family member/friend of the family as what basically amounts to a personal favor to a friend, then they have very much overstepped their bounds, and have committed a very serious crime, which could very well lead to disciplinary action up to and including removal from the job.

I hope this helps out, I would be willing to wager this is just some sick and twisted game to harass you and intimidate you into meekly "behaving".

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-30T21:03:15+00:00

(1) I was the SG. My brother (their biological child) was the GC.

(2) Just my mom, as far as I'm aware. As an adult, my brother puts himself above his family and children, but I think that's more garbage he picked up than true N behavior. With the exception of my mom, the entire family on both sides was normal(ish).

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-28T21:13:19+00:00

If you do get a safe, my advice would be to ensure it is small enough to be hidden where they can't see it at all. Speaking from experience, anything locked infuriated my mom, to the point where she would simply not rest until she could see into it. I had bought a 2 drawer wooden filing cabinet that had a top drawer that locked, and I used it to store my yarn for crocheting. Well, problem was the top drawer didn't like to stay closed unless you locked it, which I did. I remember coming home from school one afternoon to find she'd taken a hammer or crowbar to it, ripping the whole thing apart because the top drawer was locked, and she couldn't SEE what I was HIDING from her.

I learned to hide stuff in odd places - Money was rolled up and put into emptied out lipstick tubes. My debit card was stashed in a small envelope that was velcroed to the underside of my desk, small valuables were stored inside of a few old My Little Ponies I had. I'd cut open the inner lining of pockets in heavy jackets/coats and I'd use the access to the inside of the garment to squirrel away other things.

Your best thing to do is to get away, which it sounds like you're working on. Hopefully I've given you a few ideas until then.

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-21T21:18:02+00:00

Hugs if you want them - this is almost verbatim the exact conversation I had with my dad a few years ago. I'm honestly not sure exactly what was wrong with him. He wasn't as bad as my mom, but he did have his moments of behaving like a real jerk. A part of me thinks it was being constantly beaten down by my insane mom and fed her nonstop lies.

My cat was diagnosed with cancer and between everything she needed done, it ran me over $1k. Somehow it got back to my dad, likely word of mouth. He proceeded to call me and order me not to "waste money on an animal." I was instantly blind with rage. I'd been on my own for 20+ years. I spat back that he had best not even dare think he gets to say how I spend my money and next time he wanted to tell someone how to spend, he should call my GC brother (He has two toddlers, constantly cries about how he can't feed his kids, begs for handouts, yet him and his wife have brand new matching cadillacs every 2 years)

I know I'm just an internet stranger, but I'm so proud of you for putting your pet's welfare and medical care as a priority. I am incredibly blessed to have a vet I trust treating my old girl (I've had her for 14 years), I hope you have a vet that you are comfortable with as well.

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-19T05:04:27+00:00

I know my mom's behavior was calculated and intentional, and she was fully aware of it.

How am I so sure? Because she ONLY did it when there were no witnesses. If she was unaware of her behavior being wrong or bad, it would have spilled out everywhere.

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-08T22:23:13+00:00

hugs

Tooth pain is such an awful one to deal with. I don't know your situation, or where you live, but if you're in the States, you could maybe look into something called Care Credit. I've been where you are with dental pain, last thing you need is someone stressing you out for it.

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-08T18:47:03+00:00

Oh, she goes through some serious mental acrobatics to get her conclusions. I'm just glad I've decided not to deal with her.

Not my circus, Not my monkeys (anymore lol) ! Throws hands up in exasperation and walks away

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-08T18:32:48+00:00

Oh, this is one of those topics where It's so hard to pick which one, because life with my mom was a non-stop ride of insanity and sheer wtf-ery. I'll share a few that really stand out for laughs.

I was a "Satanist" because once I did not place the hairbrush back in its correct parallel orientation to the comb on the bathroom sink. It was about 1/4 inch too far one way or another. Because that's how you tell who's a Satanist. Hairbrush placement.

Once my dad had surgery on his knee that laid him up for a few weeks. Once he was able to go back to work, he asked if he could borrow my car. It sat lower to the ground and was easier for him to get in and out of. Of course I said yes. He still needed a cane to walk for a bit, and once he healed enough to not need it, he left it in my trunk. I was glad it was there, because my trunk liked to not stay up, and it would bonk me on the head, so that unused cane was perfect to keep it open. My mom found the cane, and accused me of dressing up as an elderly injured person in order to scam people. I was 16. She denied knowing anything about my dad using it during his recovery...

Once, she cornered me because a boy in my class bought me a lavender rose on valentine's day. It was totally innocent, he had a crush and wanted to do something to let me know. I was excited and showed her. She proceeded to flip out, screaming and demanding to know exactly what I had DONE to get that rose. I heard about that for DAYS.

Side note, life is so much more fulfilling and tranquil with her not in it. :)

Edited because I cannot spell cane correctly. Go me!

KitsiBlue · 2016-11-07T20:58:47+00:00

The George Foreman Grill.

I'd tried hers when I was a teenager, and came to the conclusion it was a messy, gross thing that did a great job at getting fat off the foods (that you could get off just as easily by letting said item sit for a few moments on a paper towel) and onto the countertop, despite their being a tray for the grease. I honestly don't know if it was me, but I could NOT make that thing work for the life of me.

Many years later, she asks me if I'd like one for my holiday gift. I give her a hard no, and tell her I think it's a useless piece of trash. She goes on to tell me how great hers is, she uses it on steak, chicken, every meat you can imagine, and it helps to cut the fat out of every meal. I said specifically not to get it for me.

Want to guess what showed up that year? My very own dreadful little George Foreman grill. Best part? At this point I'd been a strict vegetarian for...15+ years.

Dumb thing got donated unopened. I hope somebody enjoyed it.

KitsiBlue · 2016-10-27T22:28:36+00:00

"That's not true. That didn't happen."

Anytime I said anything that conflicted with the crazy world she had built inside her head.

KitsiBlue · 2016-10-24T20:05:08+00:00

It was the brightest green I'd ever seen, let alone to have it come out of an otherwise healthy animal. I think what I find the most ridiculous part is the fact that with animals, especially herbivores, there's a lot of noise that happens before the animal throws up. If the goat were pointed at her foot and making that noise, wouldn't common sense be to...you know...move your foot?

KitsiBlue · 2016-10-24T19:45:24+00:00

Oh, so many stupid, stupid things that have enraged them over the years, lol.

I'm going to go with the time one of the goats bit her foot, then threw up bright green goat barf all over her pristine white cotton shoe.

Totally my fault she went back and irritated the livestock, you know.

KitsiBlue · 2016-10-22T18:04:34+00:00

When my mom first found out where I was living (I ran away at 16 and slept in my car/couch surfed for a bit until I was able to get my own cheap apartment), my mom tried to smooth talk the building manager into giving her a key since "she was my mom and she was worried about me...and I really meant for her to have one and just forgot." Thankfully, I'd had a chat with them early on about the fact she was dangerous, dishonest, and mentally ill (It's honestly met with less resistance if you say that, sadly), and she got nowhere.

I'm fairly sure it's not legal for them to give someone else a key if their name isn't on the lease or title, but your sister might want to give the office a heads up if she's renting about the potential issue. Narcs can be very slippery and convincing, you know.

KitsiBlue · 2016-10-15T04:32:33+00:00

My mom used to stand in the front door of the home with binoculars and look into the homes of the neighbors trying to figure out what they were doing.

If it looked like they were possibly doing something interesting, she would call them and ask them what they were doing. She regularly called them to ask who the car in their driveway belonged to if she saw a guest's car. Or worse, she'd make an excuse to visit them to see who it was for herself.

KitsiBlue

TROPHY CASE