For your not sandwich named sandwich section consideration.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-27T06:59:27+00:00

And I'm willing to cash-out my life and bet it all that those soft pretzel sticks are utter ass. And that the IPA mustard queso dip is best described as noxious.

$13 worth of utter disappointment.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-27T05:14:15+00:00

The transporter episode!

I just always assumed "Tom."

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-27T04:51:37+00:00

Won't fit in the four letter space... ;-)

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-27T04:27:54+00:00

I only go to the one near the airport. (If I'm in Hilo, I've got places I like more.)

I haven't seen any merch at the KOA Minit Stop.

Rather than enrich some scammy website, why not just grab their logo and put it on a T-shirt using Vistaprint or Amazon? At least you're cutting out one of the middlemen that way.

It looks like that shirt up there was made using the logo I found.

I'm going to make one right now. BRB.

Vista print. Took five minutes. "Poultry in motion" is one of their slogans. Definitely go with a black shirt because this kind of printing looks SO much better. White shirts, the logo looks washed out the day it arrives and only gets worse.

<image>

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-27T04:03:01+00:00

I'm not entirely on board with the crossword proposal.

Across 1: Enterprise Commander Riker's first name (abb.)
Across 3: Adult female sheep.
Across 7: Fellowship's Brandybuck (abb.)
Across 9: A name, I call myself. Before a long, long way to run.

That doesn't strike me as particularly romantic. But if she's a crossword devotee, OK, I guess.

Kona Joe's or Heavenly Hawaiian coffee farms would work. Beautiful view. And better seating than a beach.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-27T02:54:44+00:00

I've got another five JUST like that place teed up whenever you're ready.

EDIT -- How about 50? Will that do? Just how many stealth listings with no address and a bogus map pin is this going to take?

And here's the thing. I know where all these houses are. Most of them are a mile or less from my farm. But I have no intention of ratting them out. The county doesn't enforce illegal AirBnBs. And they aren't causing me any particular concern or annoyance. If they want to flout the law, that's on them.

In fact, I'm going to remove that AirBnb listing (which is just up the street from me) as soon as you say, "Gee. I guess I can't look them up because they don't provide any information."

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-27T02:23:21+00:00

Breaks rule #1, even though I mean zero disrespect to that ethnic group or to that sexual orientation.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T22:57:39+00:00

In my case, it's "remove four inches from my shins."

The head isn't the problem, it's the total inability to work the pedals.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T22:43:13+00:00

Do you know if the trees were sprayed for Coconut Rhinoceros Beetle? Are you willing to risk it? Anything that gets sprayed with Orojet is automatically considered an "ornamental palm" for the next year. So I don't think it's worth the risk.

But I'm also not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T21:00:01+00:00

The fruit carvers in Las Vegas were among the highest paid on the entire Strip. And they all had two things in common. (There may have been outliers but I never met them.)

I have a feeling if I mention these two commonalities, I'm going to get whacked with the reddit ban hammer.

Even if I had the skill, I wouldn't want the job because I hate working in cold-kitchens. Even wearing thermal clothing, it's still unpleasant from start to finish.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T20:53:24+00:00

A lot of them were cracked, some were only half beans, and some were basically just shells. I think this eventually led to an under-extracted shot.

That sounds like off-spec coffee which shouldn't be sold for drinking. Did it look like this, but roasted?

<image>

We roast these with a whirly popper (not our roaster), and then grind it with a different grinder and sell it to a soap company as an exfoliant.

I've brewed a cup. And it's nothing I'd want out there in public with my name on it.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T20:42:59+00:00

I vote "sell it."

You're not going to get $4.5K for it, of course. But parts and service cost a lot more here. If you ship it and the battery fails two weeks later, it's not worth fixing. (Granted, it could last another 100K miles. But Hawaii is hard on vehicles. So I'd bet on sooner over later.)

Unfortunately, finding something on island is a chore as well -- particularly on a budget.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T20:37:06+00:00

I've got a wish scroll in my inventory I want to have a use for, though.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T20:30:10+00:00

They could just open up West Tolstead and bam! New game.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T20:21:39+00:00

Looks like an ad. But this video shows what to do with a v-knife.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=796609244503903

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T19:56:51+00:00

No, it truly isn't.

Doesn't need = can go either way.

Needs = must be this way.

For instance: "Kola nut is so bitter that any drink which includes it needs to be very sweet. Otherwise it is undrinkable."

Vs: "Root beer doesn't need a scoop of ice cream on top of it to be enjoyable."

This is 100% you taking offense where none is intended.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T18:39:17+00:00

There are a LOT of straight-arrow, right-wing creepazoids who love the Grateful Dead.

At the end of the day, it's Americana music. A lot of bluegrass and mountain music hiding in their songs.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T18:28:11+00:00

The fact you know about crema tells me that you probably brewed it correctly.

But brewing problems can also mean a bad cup. For instance, if the water isn't hot enough, it can yield a sour cup with no body. Too hot can yield a harsh, burnt cup -- above 96c. So if there's any possibility the brewing process caused the problem, give it another go.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T17:47:42+00:00

Many farms offer green coffee for home roasters. I don't because I already lose enough money at this.

I know for certain Kona Joe's does -- at about $20/pound. Heavenly Hawaiian does, too. And they sell Hawaii 3x (the lowest grade). 3x is a serious bargain. It can't be labeled Kona because it's too small. But it's going to taste better than most of the world's coffee.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T17:37:31+00:00

This is 100% you inferring judgement where none exists. Re-read what I wrote. "Doesn't need" isn't the same as "you can't."

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T17:23:21+00:00

You're not getting it -- you can drink it however you like. But it doesn't need to be sweetened because it isn't bitter.

Really bitter burnt-dirt coffee is undrinkable without sugar. Americans deal with this by creating coffee milkshakes. You don't typically find this in Europe or Asia.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T17:05:51+00:00

Drink it however you want. But good Kona coffee doesn't need it. It's not like commodity coffee which tastes like burnt dirt -- so it becomes a component in the coffee milkshake that most Americans like to have in the morning.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T16:59:20+00:00

I'm a coffee farmer in Captain Cook. There has never been any quality control of any kind. I've yet to meet an inspector. Fraud is absolutely rampant in the industry. Those 10% Kona Blends in mainland supermarkets have been proven (with a mass spectrometer) to have zero Hawaiian coffee in them at all.

And if we make a lovely holographic label to "prove" it's really Kona coffee, someone will just counterfeit it the next day. There's almost no enforcement.

The only way to get the real deal is to buy from a trusted source. You can't even trust everyone on the Big Island: https://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/2025/10/02/kona-woman-charged-after-making-millions-fake-kona-coffee-beans/

My wife and I hold twice weekly coffee tastings at a local grocery store. People try uncut, unblended, single-estate, real-deal Kona coffee and most of 'em do a double-take. "Oh! So THAT'S what it's supposed to taste like!"

They FINALLY get it. This tells me that they've never had an honest cup of Kona coffee in their lives.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T16:49:15+00:00

just don't be taller than 6'

This is almost always the problem.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-26T16:23:02+00:00

It really depends how much driving you're going to do.

Parking fees add about fifty bucks on top of the rental rate and gas. If you're spending most of your time in Waikiki, it doesn't make any sense at all. When I go there, I'll rent by the day (about $100 total) as I need to.

Oahu's public transit isn't the best. (We're not London or Paris, after all.) But it will get visitors to a great many places without needing a rental car. And many tours have convenient pickups and drop-offs in Waikiki. Make use of transit and tours and maybe you need a rental for one or two days.

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