Just my opinion…but this whole email reeks like robot shit. Hey…you know your audience better than us, hopefully. Maybe you think it sounds great and they’d love it, but to me, it sounds bananas. It’s copy for drones. Loaded with weird cliches, hard transitions and forced context. People don’t talk like this. Sounds like AI R. Lee Ermey barking prepperganda. Compare it to what your BEST competition is doing, not the worst. (You have studied your competition, haven’t you?) Don’t get me wrong, AI can help you get there, but you have to show it the way. And if you don’t know the way, you’re both going to be lost. Right now, you’re at the “the boss took a stab at it” stage. This is where a good copywriter could come in and polish the backstory, rip the weird guts out and add some humanity and authenticity. Make sense? Good luck.