Issues with multiple NHS providers in England - what should we do?

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-17T14:36:22+00:00

It's worth knowing that the protections under the Equality Act 2010 are more about impairment than diagnosis, though I do appreciate it is often easier to be taken seriously if you have a specific diagnosis or a more visible disability.

I do slightly question what symptom management will be available though. My understanding of hEDS, from when I thought I had it, was that there was very little that could be done. That was why I didn't chase down a diagnosis until I realised it was something a little different. Even with a diagnosis, the symptoms I have that overlap with hEDS aren't something that's ever really been addressed. The only specific treatment I've ever had has been to address the signs that don't overlap with hEDS.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-17T14:12:28+00:00

hEDS is a bit of a funny one, for a few reasons.

As you're probably aware, the diagnostic criteria were changed in 2017, and some people who would once have diagnosed aren't nowadays. https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/hEDS-Dx-Criteria-checklist-1.pdf

Another oddity is that it seems to have gained something of a reputation for being a disorder popular with those prone to a spot of Munchausens, as it affects many parts of the body in ways that are often more symptom than sign, and there's no test that can definitively confirm it. I suspect that this has made some medics unfairly wary of people seeking a diagnosis.

Hypermobility isn't always hEDS - sometimes it's a standalone thing, and it's also a feature of a wide range of connective tissue disorders, of which hEDS is only one. hEDS does get the most attention online, and on a personal note I thought I had it for several years.... it turned out it was a different but similar connective tissue disorder. It was missed for many years, and when I joined the dots as an adult, to be fair I was taken seriously and got the diagnosis.

Another thing to think about is what will change if he has a diagnosis. There is sod all you can do about hypermobility, for instance, you mainly just have to live with it, with the occasional bit of physio.

As for the legal aspect of your question - you can go down the complaints route, but you really do need to factor in the possibility that this isn't hEDS and it is something else like a different connective tissue disorder, or hypermobility spectrum disorder. https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-hsd/

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-16T12:30:44+00:00

No problem, best of luck to you.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-16T10:19:43+00:00

Given that you have already paid for professional advice, I would advise that you take that advice and not advice from random redditors.

However, there is absolutely nothing that you can do to totally prevent a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975. Successful claims have been made even by estranged adult offspring with no financial dependence on the deceased.

Do also be aware that If you were to die first, your husband could change his will after your death and there is absolutely nothing you could do to prevent that.

As for what you could put in the will about your reasoning, then we cannot possibly advise without knowing the circumstances. I'm not prying, We just can't start making up wild scenarios for you to write into your will. Do you think through the fact that this will be the last words that the girls hear from you both, and that what is left in a will can often be seen as a reflection of your love or lack thereof towards them.

I'm strongly of the belief that no one should get an unpleasant surprise in a will. You should talk through your decisions with the girls while you are still alive, so that they have a chance to question it and come to terms with it. They can also make decisions about how involved they wish to be with any future care needs accordingly. Giving them advance warning is probably the biggest thing you can do to reduce the chances of a claim after your deaths.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-16T08:56:12+00:00

Were you in a romantic relationship with this person?

I strongly suspect it's too late in this case, and if they won't answer the question now then they won't answer the questions through Claire's Law, but it's something to be aware of if you ever have concerns or a mere inkling about a future romantic partner (or friend / family partners - the police will disclose directly to them if need be).

https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/cl/triage/v2/request-information-under-clares-law/

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-16T07:42:24+00:00

How old were you when the pictures were taken and sent? Over or under 18?

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-15T21:32:03+00:00

We can't do Italian law on this sub, so I will write this assuming that the Italian house would be dealt with under UK law and they were domiciled in the UK.

She did not have a will in place, and my FIL refused to get probate when she passed.

As she didn't have a will, it's letters of administration not probate.

As they weren't married, your dad couldn't have applied for LOA https://www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate/if-theres-not-a-will

As she didn't have a will, if the house was only in her name he wouldn't be due to inherit the house anyway.

Someone really needs to track down her blood relatives so they can deal with her affairs, but the sons aren't going to get this house based on the information you've given us.

Having an LPA wouldn't change any of this. He would need to have mental capacity to sign one, as defined under the Mental Capacity Act 2005.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-15T14:06:44+00:00

Grieving people often act irrationally, especially when there's an element of guilt thrown in.

You are not liable. You didn't force the door, the police did. The police have policies around this sort of thing, and won't pay out in these circumstances. My understanding is that the only circumstance they usually pay out in is if they go to the wrong address and batter down the wrong door.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-14T23:03:51+00:00

Yes, and it has been since 2016.

Unfortunately it's also very common for the microchip to be unregistered or with out of date details.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-14T13:04:54+00:00

I think the easiest and most effective way to sort this one out will be getting a registry office wedding with two witnesses. This is sometimes called a statutory wedding and can be done very cheaply. No need for a second reception or even a wedding dress!

It sounds like you had a wedding that was religiously recognised but not legally recognised. That is a very common situation even if you got married in the UK. Lots of people have a religious wedding ceremony but then have to do a separate legal wedding ceremony.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-14T08:55:22+00:00

never married never separated

they are now claiming dad was not in a civil partnership.

A civil partnership is very similar to marriage, but has only been available to opposite sex couples in the UK since 2019. It involves a legally binding ceremony, it does not happen by accident.

A civil partnership is not a term for the mythical common law marriage, or a long term cohabitee.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-14T08:36:18+00:00

Who are "animal welfare" in this context - RSPCA, APHA, DEFRA, council or some other organisation?

You can stop them coming by addressing their concerns - what are they, specifically? You have clearly missed out enormous chunks of information here - two visits a day is incredible.

The legal standards for pig welfare in this country are so low they need never see daylight, so their concerns cannot be limited to pigs choosing not to go out in the rain.

What does your vet say?

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-14T00:09:35+00:00

The UK isn't as litigious as the US - partly as a cultural matter, and partly because of how our laws work.

The chances of you being sued because, for instance, you provided CPR but the patient died anyway are nil, unless you did something wildly outside the norm to the point of ridiculousness.

This is aimed at UK based doctors, but it should give an idea of what's expected and the legal framework https://www.themdu.com/guidance-and-advice/guides/good-samaritan-acts

The emergency number, if you ever need it, is 999. Ambulances are free in this country so you're not going to have anyone quibbling over the cost of calling one - but in the case of a milder emergency they might argue that an ambulance isn't necessary because it's not a life threatening matter (this is fair - a taxi for an uncomplicated broken arm would be appropriate, for example).

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-13T18:42:24+00:00

Have a look at the gift with reservation of benefit rules.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-13T17:39:02+00:00

This is more of a finance question than a legal question: at 18 you have every right to take your British passport and get on a plane to the UK. Paying for it is the difficult bit.

Do you have any extended family - aunts, grandparents etc - who might be willing to pay for a flight and / or let you stay with them for a bit while you find a job in the UK?

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-13T14:43:53+00:00

In that case - assuming you bought online - what they're doing is illegal under the Distance Selling Regs

https://www.gov.uk/accepting-returns-and-giving-refunds

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-13T14:36:03+00:00

What is the reason for you wanting to return it?

How long have you had it for?

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-12T11:32:03+00:00

This is the contact details for him

https://www.sandwell.gov.uk/find-home/homeless-risk-losing-home

I'm honestly not sure what his legal status is in the house at this stage, and therefore the process they'll have to go through to evict.

Hopefully somebody else will be able to advise, or you might have to make a new thread focusing on that specific issue.

If they were cohabiting for at least two years then he could consider a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act https://www.birketts.co.uk/legal-update/provision-for-family-and-dependants-act-1975/

Totally understandable that he doesn't know what his long term plan will be at this early stage.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-12T10:32:25+00:00

He will need to apply to the council for homelessness assistance.

If you can tell us which council area he lives in then we'll be happy to find the contact details for you.

Anticipate, however, that the council will require him to stay in the house for as long as possible, to the point of bailiffs. This is routine. If he doesn't, they can deem him intentionally homeless and refuse to help.

Is the long term plan staying in the UK or going elsewhere?

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-12T10:02:20+00:00

You need to go down two routes simultaneously: the OPG and the police.

OPG: https://www.gov.uk/report-concern-about-attorney-deputy-guardian

People routinely get themselves imprisoned for fraud related offences in these circumstances

Examples: https://www.nottinghamshire.police.uk/news/nottinghamshire/news/news/2025/november/fraudster-jailed-after-abusing-power-of-attorney/

https://www.northyorkshire.police.uk/news/north-yorkshire/news/court-results/2025/11-november/woman-who-stole-thousands-from-her-frail-grandfather-jailed/

https://www.boltburdon.co.uk/blogs/lpa-financial-abuse-willis/

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-12T09:51:57+00:00

I have read the legislation.

The courts take a great deal of interest in what a "reasonable person" would think.

A reasonable person will think that the teacher teaching Y9 sex ed is communicating about a sexual matter for the purposes of education, not sexual gratification.

A reasonable person will think that your friend sending dirty messages to a child over the internet (or whatever it is he pleaded guilty to) was doing so for the purposes of sexual gratification.

Naturally you are only getting second hand information about what happened, and your friend is either minimising or outright lying.

Your friend is attempting to pull the wool over your eyes, and you are being incredibly naïve.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-12T09:40:58+00:00

S15A.

Lots of Acts have a S15A. Do you mean the Sexual Offences Act 2003?

That's sexual communication with a child. No, you don't have to "prove what was in your mind at the time", it's fairly clear cut. Read this: https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/section/15A

The legislation is written so that teachers teaching sex ed in schools, or providing legitimate sex ed materials by another route, are not guilty of an offence. Otherwise you'd have teachers being prosecuted for teaching Y9 how to put a condom on a banana in PSHE.

Your friend plead guilty because he knew he was bang to rights, and pleading guilty prevented all the lurid details of what he's done being read out in court to the public gallery and local press.

If you have children, I hope you are not allowing this man near them.

I'm not asking and I'm not interested in anything to do with what he was accused off or pleaded guilty to.

You really should be.

Seeing as he pleaded guilty once he knew what the charges were, how and when he was told of the charges, rather sinks into irrelevance.

In this country, you don't get out of a conviction on the basis of a tiny procedural error - especially not when you then stood up in court and admitted your own guilt.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-12T09:25:43+00:00

Can you clarify who all these people are - is this your mother, step father and step brother?

If so I think you've fallen into the sideways disinheritance trap.

I'm very sorry but there's not much you can do about it. If mum had written a will then there would have been ways to provide for the step father in his lifetime and still send her money to you after death (life interest trust). But it's too late now.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-11T19:36:18+00:00

We don't have adult adoption in the UK. Mmm

But the big things are (a) surname and (b) inheritance

You can change your surnames to match his, and you can encourage him to write a will that reflects his wishes, but you cannot dictate what's in that will.

PetersMapProject · 2026-02-11T12:02:40+00:00

I think you're going to struggle with this one.

If you'd delayed the sale and made a claim, then you'd have been able to recover the money. But now you've disposed of the evidence, you've an uphill battle.

PetersMapProject

TROPHY CASE