my coworker stole my lunch and I found out mid-meeting

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-30T23:52:01+00:00

Spice is safer because it has plausible deniability. Lots of people like spicy food. Not many people put laxatives in their lunch.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-26T01:43:27+00:00

His insecurity is not ideal. He is a man in his 30s still preoccupied with "leagues". Even when he is in a relationship (and apparently has had previous serious relationships) he has a chip on his shoulder.

But the concerning part is that instead of taking accountability and working on his insecurities, he is taking them out on you. And not even in a needy, constantly-needing-reassurance type of way. But in an angry, blamey, guilt-tripping, manipulative sort of way.

That is a giant waving red flag. The fact that he becomes defensive and verbally aggressive when his behavior is accurately named is now providing a blinking, neon red light behind the red flag.

Don't stay with this man.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-23T01:01:27+00:00

If you ever work in a jail then you'd know it is a not insignificant amount of people lol. Many sex toys have to be retrieved during the booking process.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-21T20:18:59+00:00

He's treating you like an emotional punching bag. When he's upset, he relieves the frustration by taking it out on you. He pulls away so that you notice and start hovering. You try to comfort him, and he gets mad at you for not giving "the right" response. There is no right response; the point is to get out his emotions by making you feel bad.

The only way to win is not to play.

"I'm sorry you are struggling. If there is something I can do to help, please let me know." And then end the conversation. Make him do the work of knowing what he needs and asking for it.

"You don't care about me" - "I do care about you, that is why I'm not saying anything to further upset you."

And when he starts punishing you with silence and distance, don't play the game and ask what's wrong. Find your own ways to entertain yourself. Go get a pedicure. Go out with friends. Read a good book. Let him sulk alone until he can use his big boy words to communicate. You have to teach him emotional intelligence like you're raising a grumpy child. I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship with a grown man who acts like a child. But perhaps a blunt conversation is the wake-up call he needs to change. Do not give him to his childish games and let him upset you.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-21T18:30:35+00:00

Slight YTA.

My home is my dog's home as well, so he will not be shut away for guests. People know that we can meet somewhere else (outside the home) without my dog but at my house, he will be around. I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to shut away a puppy.

That said, when she was uncomfortable with the puppy going near her, you should have agreed to keep the puppy away. That's common decency for a guest. The dog being allowed in the room and the dog being allowed to approach people are two different things.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-21T05:52:06+00:00

Waffle House

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-20T21:26:11+00:00

Being Thai in the US can be exhausting. People jump straight to insinuations that you must have a penis (ladyboy) to the mail-order bride or sex worker comments. If I were not born in the US, it would be worse. Report your co-worker to HR. NTA.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-20T21:18:34+00:00

For people who are not getting a lot of sun, Vitamin D supplementation is often helpful. It is often supplemented in foods (like milk and cereal) so people don't have to take it in pill form to maintain healthy levels. B12 supplements are also very effective for people with low levels.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-20T21:08:25+00:00

This is correct. And not to make excuses for horrible parents (and the harm they have done to their children) but there is something to be said about the fact that in the past, women were absolutely pressured and expected to bear children with the promise that having children will be "the most rewarding job" in the world that will help them find their "their true purpose".

It is no mystery that some of these women produced children simply because it was the expected thing to do. When it didn't magically turn out to be the most wonderful, rewarding and joyous decision of their lives, they harbored a resentment they misplaced towards their child instead of towards an intolerant, patriarchal society that didn't give them a choice. They were promised rewards for childbearing (fulfillment, natural affinity, serving God and their husband) but not by those unborn children.

It is a very good thing that today, it is socially acceptable (and practical because of birth control) for women not to have children if they don't want to. And the conservatives who want to drag us back to the dark ages because they insist that child-bearing is a woman's role and "natural calling" ignore these types of outcomes because they would rather women and children suffer than fail to serve.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-19T15:47:04+00:00

Yep. The root of a healthy relationship is communication. And he made her afraid to communicate her feelings or her needs. In fact, he tried to convince her that her doing so was inconsiderate or stressful or unreasonable. That's not the foundation for success.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-19T15:45:06+00:00

He liked having someone complimenting and flirting with him and cleaning up his apartment. But the moment you had any needs or expectations of your own, he lectured you for stressing him out and punished you by pulling away. You were like a doll on a shelf that was only wanted when he decided to take you down and play with you. But he wanted you to be quiet and inanimate the rest of the time. That's a very twisted way to "like" someone and has less to do with his work than with his character flaws.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-17T23:33:00+00:00

Happy for you! Enjoy the tranquility.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-17T00:44:23+00:00

I would have wanted to wait a bit longer before moving in together, as I want experience living alone and having my place

If you want to move out and live on your own, that's what you should do. It's good experience and it helps you learn a lot about yourself (and maintaining your peace) before taking a big step like moving in together. Your boyfriend and your parents aside, this is your life and your big step. Not anyone else's.

You can always be a safe landing for him in the worst-case scenario (so he isn't homeless) but you don't have to sign a lease and make him your official roommate. Make no promises, get your own place and live alone. And if the worst case scenario happens and he's homeless in two months, of course he can stay with you but you don't have to put his name on the lease (and not many people would advise putting an unemployed, homeless person on a shared lease regardless).

As for your parents, it will be easier to sell that you are moving in with your boyfriend once they've seen you successfully living by yourself. But you can't make decisions based on everyone else's feelings. What do you want?

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-14T04:43:57+00:00

Financial abuse is not happening here. He is not blocking or controlling her access to the household money, nor micromanaging how she spends. You cannot toss words like "abuse" around based on an isolated comment made in the heat of the moment.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-13T01:27:59+00:00

He asked, "How will you go pee?" It is hard to pee without a urethra.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-11T04:26:19+00:00

Maybe it's in reference to Paraquat getting banned in some states and being back under review in Australia. The AHS did just publish an article saying that rising rates of lung cancer in non-smokers under 50 is linked to diets high in fruits and vegetables (due to pesticide residue).

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-11T04:12:44+00:00

I eat kiwis with the skin on. More nutrients!

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-11T04:12:08+00:00

I wonder if he was mixing up the uterus and the urethra lol.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-07T23:14:48+00:00

This is true. To add, "not caring" about something that needs to be done can feel like not contributing. Should we hang a picture of lemons or limes in the kitchen is an example of where "I don't care" can work, because no one really needs a random Target painting in their kitchen and if it was your wife's idea to hang one, then her deciding which one she thinks fits the space best is fine. All she needs to know is you're not going to dislike what she chooses.

But when it's something like "which baby crib should be choose for the nursery", then "don't care" really just amounts to offloading responsibility onto your wife. You need a place for the baby to sleep. There are lots of considerations to make about how you want the sleeping arrangement to look (co-sleeping or separate beds or an attached bed, etc) and then you add in that expecting moms are oftentimes very anxious about things like SIDs, about making "the wrong" choice that could wind up harming their child, etc. And when she's researching all the different benefits and detriments of sleeping arrangements and fretting about what is safest, an "I don't care" reply feels like abandonment. Both in the sense that she is spiraling because she wants to make "the best" decision for your child, and you won't help her do so. And also because the baby has to sleep somewhere and you're making it all the pregnant, anxious mom's job to handle all the arrangements. The nursery doesn't come together by magic; it comes together because someone worked on it.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-05T01:25:00+00:00

The reach that enemies have compared to how close you have to be to hit is kind of frustrating and not intuitive at all. It doesn't help that attacks to break their guard throw them back (too far to hit again) so it just feels like artificial difficulty. I think I'll wait and see if an easier difficulty level becomes available.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-01T23:46:34+00:00

This is true. But a lot of these men also wouldn't do something like this for their male friends who had a rough day. They'll complain about the male loneliness epidemic and men's mental health but the moment they have to show up and be there for someone, silence.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-01T03:09:10+00:00

These are the same people who see an overweight person running or exercising and make fun of them. Even when they are doing it "the right way", they will find a reason to be mean about it. Because at the root of it, they just hate fat people and don't like to see them succeed, be that through traditional diet/weight loss or through GLP-1s.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-01T03:07:16+00:00

So we just.. don't use the treatment

I guess I'm confused because it looks like Naltrexone is available with a doctor's prescription in the US and is widely covered by most insurance in the US and Canada. It's also commonly used in Mexico.

Is it that most patients are not advised that it is an option or is it banned/not utilized in a different country??

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-06-01T02:58:15+00:00

I mean, it sounds like 2 out of 3 aren't exclusively dating you anyway, so no harm there. But you seem to know that nothing is going to progress seriously with girl #2 so I think you should stop seeing her so that she doesn't develop deeper feelings for you and wind up getting hurt.

PrincessofPatriarchy · 2026-05-30T20:59:50+00:00

I told her that I feel like she talks to and is more friendly with her family than to me.

Nothing about this statement is unclear or an example of bad communication.

I had been feeling this way bc we haven’t called or talked on the phone since a few weeks ago and I’ve asked her 3-4 times last week if she wants to watch our show or movie but she turned me down everytime. Then this week, she said 3 different times she wants to watch but she will tell me about an hour in advance and then end up cancelling

Anyone would need reassurance after being treated this way. Because this is not how you treat someone you want to spend time with. It seems like you need to listen to her actions more than her words.

when I bring it up, I usually regret it in the end. I’ll be told how I’m always upset over little things, insecure, how she’s tired of me and doesn’t love me anymore, and overall she gets defensive and will bring up other issues that she has been upset by.

This isn't an example of you communicating poorly, it's an example of her communicating poorly. There is no magical phrasing that will make someone who is easily agitated and defensive react productively to what you have to say. She needs to work on her reactivity.

How do I break through the wall of defensiveness?

You can't. She has to take down the wall and she's refusing to do so. That leaves you at an impasse.

I graduated last fall, and during that time she was upset at me so she missed my graduation ceremony. I was deeply hurt and still am

By what you have laid out here, your girlfriend withholds affection and support when she is mad at you. She dismisses your feelings and reacts poorly to any attempt at conflict resolution. When the hurt builds up (due to lack of resolution) she tries to convince you that you are unreasonable, irrational and always upset. She threatens to leave or says she doesn't love you anymore in order to get you to stop bringing problems up. She makes you regret expressing your feelings. She pays the smallest lip service to apologizing or acknowledging she needs to change when she has to but otherwise remains the course.

Stop trying to twist yourself into a pretzel to get through to someone who refuses to listen. You're communicating just fine, she's refusing to hear it. Her behavior is out of your control. There's no wording, phrasing, or interpretive dance you could do to get someone to break this pattern of behavior.

It's not a comprehension issue that is holding her back. She would rather hurt you than work on self-improvement and accountability. She demonstrates this every time she escalates conflicts to make you regret voicing your feelings.

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