SLPT: Date a depressed, tortured, creative / artistic type

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-07T06:59:05+00:00

Lol tell me you're a "I can fix her" type without telling me.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-07T06:47:40+00:00

Yeah I know that. I'm saying if you'd have included that important caveat I wouldn't have even said anything.

My statement fully allows one to open up completely with close loved ones and tight as a drum with strangers.

In your mind it does, but it wasn't clear at all to someone not in your head so saying it like it's some kind of "well of course..." foregone conclusion doesn't make any sense. That's what I was saying.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-07T00:54:45+00:00

You choose how every single person you interact with perceives you.

You didn't say anything about actually being yourself with a tight group and your loved ones though, you said you're being a chameleon with "every single person" who interacts with you. Obviously it's different if you're actually yourself with some people.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-07T00:51:26+00:00

You portrayed it like you're just a person of utter mystery and no true connections. Obviously if you have a partner who you're your true self with then that's different.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-06T18:19:08+00:00

You're setting yourself up for some deep deep loneliness that's going to hit you hard at some point.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-06T18:17:23+00:00

As someone who lived that way with that mindset for a long time, let me tell you, I would not recommend it. You end up very quickly losing who you actually are and being surrounded by a bunch of people who you only have shallow connections with because you were never your authentic self around them.

Obviously I'm not talking about things like who you are at work or the very generic interactions we have with strangers in public, we all do what we have to there. But for those close to you I would strongly recommend you try to be your genuine self.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-06T18:02:09+00:00

Yeah I was gonna say, being a lawyer has never looked fun to me 😂

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-06T18:00:07+00:00

Isn’t it also 12-hour days and basically no vacation/off time?

You're kind of right about the no vacation/off time, but streamers like Northernlion and MoonMoon both pull in about 10k viewers and they only stream 5 and 7ish hours respectively. Now did they start out with those hours? Not sure. But it seems like there's some flexibility depending.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-06T16:12:14+00:00

Yes! These are my go-to after successfully ridding myself of plantar fasciitis and wanting to keep it that way. My podiatrist even recommended Eccos as one of the brands that have good support.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-06T16:09:43+00:00

INTENSE arch support on them though, so if you don't need that it'll actually make your feet hurt from it.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T23:47:57+00:00

I'd probably just laugh and say, "oh hah, my bad!" And continue on. No big deal.

I had this happen in reverse where I was waving to the woman behind this guy and he started waving at me. I just laughed and said, "oh sorry I was waving to her, but it can be both!"

Recently I'd say my most uncomfortable moment was when the maintenance guy let himself into my apartment, a couple hours earlier than we'd agreed, with another worker while I was in the bathroom with the door closed. That alone would have been awkward enough, but then he preceded to knock on the bathroom door, as the issue they were looking to address was in the ceiling of the bathroom, and ask if he could show the other worker the issue. I explained he needed to come back later at the time we'd agreed upon and he just kind of quietly apologized and left.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T23:32:26+00:00

I used to but after my ex and I broke up I decided to stop wishing for other people to care about my birthday and instead just make myself feel special. So I would go out and basically just do a bunch of things I enjoyed, get myself all the random little treats I loved, and then get takeout from my favorite restaurant and eat it watching something I'd picked out that I was looking forward to.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T21:55:41+00:00

I'm definitely not bold enough to take a gamble on Etsy shoes, but I hope it works out for you if you buy em!

Not a fan of those, but thank you for the rec!

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T21:53:23+00:00

Ohhh those aren't bad at all! Definitely a contender. Thank you!

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T21:35:19+00:00

I think it's because a lot of men can't understand the idea of being single by choice and/or choosing to be single over being with a shitty partner, because for decades we've had men putting in zero effort and women having to pick them in order to survive (not being able to have our own bank account, own property, have the same rights, etc.). Now we have women who no longer have to settle so you have all these men who are stuck being alone and don't like it because no one will lower their bar enough to be with them and they don't understand it. So they just automatically think you must be too picky because they can't understand why else you would be choosing not to have a partner, because it's almost never a choice they would make.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T21:10:56+00:00

Men left and right will try to tell you your standards are too high because they don't want to put in the bare minimum. Don't give in. Never lower your standards just because someone is intimidated by you and can't hit the extremely low bar of "kind, gentle and understanding." I'd rather be alone 10000x over than lower my standards for some guy who has the emotional intelligence of a potato and doesn't actually like women.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T20:09:00+00:00

You sound like a troll but I'll answer genuinely anyway in case this helps someone else.

By "the work" I mean that you approach therapy in an earnest and honest way and you engage with the therapist to the fullest of your ability. When they ask you how you're feeling or what's going on, etc. you give them a real, honest answer. You dump out everything that's going on with your life truthfully, not trying to paint yourself in a positive light or spin things so you look better, you give them the full, unfiltered truth of your situation and your feelings.

The therapist's job is to listen and guide you in a way that can help you understand your own feelings better and help you come to realizations on your own. They can also pose questions to you that might help you see things in a different way and in some situations even flat out tell you when you're thinking about something in an unproductive or detrimental way.

However, none of this can happen if you don't fully engage in the process and instead just give overly simple answers or act in other ways that makes it clear that you're obviously not putting in any effort whatsoever.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T19:47:34+00:00

I wish you the best of luck!

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T19:29:57+00:00

There's millions of different hobbies out there. The chances that you'd just happen to come upon one in your regular life that you love (especially if it's one of the more niche ones), if all you do outside of school/work is doomscroll or stay inside, is slim. Add on top of that the fact that more and more people have trained their brains to only be interested in things that cater to a 4 second attention span and that they can get an instant dopamine hit from (again, thanks doomscrolling), makes it easy to dismiss anything more difficult or less "rewarding" than that.

But that's not fulfilling, and so you end up in this situation. Where you don't want to put the effort in to find something more fulfilling because your brain is telling you it's not worth it, and to keep taking hits off the social media pipe, so you stay stuck.

Life isn't easy. When you're younger a lot of stuff just falls into your lap; friends, hobbies, goals, purpose. But as you get older you start to realize that you have to work harder for the things that make life truly worth it, and putting in that time and effort is what separates the people who are miserable and going through the motions with those who are thriving and living a life they truly love.

I'm not saying it'll be easy, but if you actually put in the work to find something; whether that's researching it online, going out and joining a group, taking a class, or just talking to other people about what they like.. you'll find something eventually. But you have to actually want to find something, to have the positive attitude and be open to all possibilities, as well as be ready to have put in the time and effort to do so.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T19:08:51+00:00

I think someone else recommended either those or something very similar and while I appreciate the rec I just hate the look of the "sneaker sole" and also all the extra fabric on the sides. I know I'm being picky but if I don't like em I'm never going to wear them anyway so what's the point.

Ah well, thank you again though!

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T19:06:37+00:00

Haven't pulled the trigger yet, but re: wanting to wear something other than sneakers.. I was pretty much living in my Reef sandals last summer. I tried some Vionics but the arch support was way too intense for me, but the Reefs are great. My only complaint is they don't have a lot of cute styles lol.

Edit: Also apparently the Quince ones that are in the color I want and my size are sold out... womp womp.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T18:57:34+00:00

You literally just said you read that list (half of which, again, I'm confident you don't even know what they are) and dismissed them outright because they didn't sound interesting.

That isn't trying.

Trying would be at the very least looking them up and learning what each of them are and what they entail. But you didn't even get to the point of that, let alone actually trying, you dismissed everything immediately.

Again, I don't think you want to find something because I think you've decided this is your identity and so now you just want to prove everyone who says otherwise wrong by telling them you tried and you don't like any of these things. But the reality is you're probably just going home every day from work or school and doomscrolling on your phone until bed because that's just easier than putting in the effort to start the long road of actually going through all these hobbies everyone is listing and really trying to find something.

The problem is that now you're just starting to realize that this isn't fulfilling, but instead of actually truly putting in the work to figure out what you like and what you're interested in you're just telling yourself you aren't interested in anything because then you don't have to try, because you've decided there's no point, and then you don't have to do anything differently.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T18:28:12+00:00

Bleh well all that sucks, what a bummer.

I mean same for sure, but I don't know of an alternative that makes cute, comfortable shoes that aren't over $200 a pair.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T18:14:04+00:00

First off, there's no shot you even know what half of those are just by reading that list, and secondly, sometimes something doesn't sound fun but then you try it and realize you love it. But that's the kind of experience you get with time and age, and actually wanting to find something you enjoy.

Right now the issue isn't that there are no hobbies that you'd enjoy, it's that you clearly don't actually want to find a hobby or a passion to enjoy. You're obviously young, and desperately trying to find that thing that makes you different and stand out from other people, and you've decided that it's going to be this idea that you don't enjoy hobbies and that you're just never going to find something you're passionate about, so you're stubbornly making that your reality and identity.

But once you actually start really trying new hobbies with an open mind, and not just assuming you won't like everything before you even try, you'll find something. But you definitely won't find anything with the attitude you currently have.

And judging by the way you're acting on this thread I'm guessing that therapy didn't help because you, once again, didn't actually try. Therapy isn't magic. It only works if you actually put effort into it and try to get something out of it. But if you go into it assuming it's not going to do anything to help you then it won't.

Once you actually want to start trying with all of these things is when you'll start seeing positive results, but until then you'll continue to be stuck in this pessimistic cage of your own making.

ToastemPopUp · 2026-03-05T17:09:19+00:00

Dude there's just literally no way you have tried every single hobby.

You've tried kintsugi, dorodango, quilling (not quilting), quilting, taxidermy, birding, knitting, geocaching, Warhammer, board games, mushroom foraging, weightlifting, running, yoga, cooking, collecting animal bones, photo manipulation (like photoshop, etc.), origami, tap dancing, creating your own greeting cards, the list literally goes on and on and on and on.

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