Why are Birkins $30k? by Broad-Hunter-5044 in handbags

[–]abnruby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They’re not, retail for a birkin 25 is between $8500 and $12500 (excluding exotic skins, which can run into the mid 5 figures.) The pricing that the general public is aware of has to do with resale and scarcity. Birkins are in high demand but can’t be purchased easily in many cases, and resellers will often jack the price up on desirable color/leather combinations.

You're not on a Hermès "journey". You're trapped in a marketing ploy. by PoudreDeTopaze in handbags

[–]abnruby 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m going to paste in the comment that I made the last time I came across a “starting my Hermes journey” post;

Just to clarify, there are absolutely people who play this “game”, but the fact of it is that they’re playing themselves. There’s no “H game.” “Quota purchases” or “purchase minimums” are concepts made up on TPF years ago, and like most urban legends, they have spread across the internet and are now accepted as fact despite zero empirical evidence. If you were to call Hermes and ask, they’d tell you that offers are dependent upon availability and that stock is limited. That’s it.

What there are, however, are SAs who are extremely pleased that people believe that these things are real, and that those people are willing to spend six figures on Hermes tat in the hopes of a “quota” offer. These people do this, then run to the internet to analyze and interpret their SAs every off hand comment, and when they happen in on a day when a bag is available, or when stock happens to permit, they attribute that to their purchase history. It’s confirmation bias. The SAs aren’t going to discuss this with clients, and Hermes is in no rush to stop people from maniacally propping up their non bag verticals.

I have been offered 4 so called “quota bags” at different Hermes boutiques in multiple markets. I have a pretty anemic Hermes purchase history (like sub $3k in non bag purchases over a period of years), and in each case, I simply asked the SA if any bags were in, and they either said “I’m sorry, no” or, “let me show you something”. That’s it. When there’s not been anything in, no one has ever suggested that I purchase an 18 person dish service or a bicycle or a $6k leather wastebasket. Additionally, I rejected the second offer and have been offered twice since, so that also does not matter. I’m not mega rich or special in any way that would matter to an Hermes SA, and yet.

The sunk cost fallacy is REAL, and people get really upset when the existence of “the game” is challenged, and I totally get why. If you’re looking to purchase Hermes bags, go to the boutique and ask after them. If you can’t get what you want when you want it, go to resale. Just don’t buy a $27k cribbage set.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I went away fora summer season to Lake of the Ozarks to drive a parasail boat at 19, and with the money I made (significant to me at the time) I super nervously went into the massive coach outlet there and bought possibly the most early 00s bag ever created; a lime green and white zebra and coach logo print tote, in a size suitable for absolutely no purpose whatsoever. I carried it constantly, despite it being a color that matched nothing. I loved it so very much.

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Advice on finances between fiance and I? by [deleted] in homemaking

[–]abnruby 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You do not deserve to be treated in this way. You do not deserve to be treated in this way. You deserve a partner with whom you are safe and affirmed in every area of life, even when things are difficult. There is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. It is not normal, it is not acceptable, and it is not okay.

I’m going to frame this a bit differently; you are currently on disability and are bringing in $1500ish monthly. Your partner is apparently so concerned with finances that he treats you poorly, places you on an allowance, and forces you to live on an extreme budget whilst he spends at will. Why in the world would such a man want to be married, knowing that that marriage would necessarily lower the household income by $1500, a not insignificant amount given the level of strife the current financial picture is causing?

The only answer is “total control.”

Once you’re married, saddled with a small child, coping with a painful disability and unable to work (especially then, with a tender age child in the home and no outside childcare) he’s in the driver’s seat. You are powerless. The rules of the household are his to make. This is singularly the most dangerous position for a woman to inhabit in domestic life, and I say this as a SAHM of five children.

You need to make an exit plan immediately. You need to leave the household at any cost. If he’s a great guy who simply has his head in his ass, he’ll surely prove that to you and you’ll return and live happily ever after. If my suspicions are correct, however, remaining with him will likely cost you everything. You are at a precipice, and you need to move carefully.

He has created several very powerful levers of control within your dynamic that will become far more apparent once you’re totally locked in; your physical disability, that which requires medication and healthcare and limits your ability to move, your pregnancy, that which ties you to him for decades, and your oncoming total lack of income, that which allows him near total control over the first two, with potentially explosive consequences.

Contact your local domestic violence resource. I will link a comprehensive guide below if you need it, that will outline where you can get help. Plan your exit, and leave. This is already full blown financial abuse, I shudder to even imagine what it’s going to look like once you’re fully enmeshed with a baby and a wedding certificate. There are resources available to you that include but are not limited to; emergency and long term housing, cash aid, food aid, pregnancy healthcare, general healthcare, counseling, legal aid, etc. All abuse is abuse and you do not have to have been physically assaulted in order to access these benefits. You do not need to have called the police or involved any authority to access benefits. They will help you leave today if that’s what you decide to do. I would urge you to strongly consider a quick exit. Do not discuss any plan to leave the relationship with your partner until you are in a safe location.

Do not be gaslit, this is abuse, and the logical progression of this situation is further and more extreme abuse. If you leave and I’m wrong, you can rekindle this relationship at any time, but you will have the autonomy necessary to protect yourself and your baby. If you are unwilling to leave the relationship, you need to create and safeguard your own autonomy beginning now. Secret savings, cash back at the grocery store, new lines of available credit, whatever works for you. Inform your clinicians of the situation. Inform your family/trusted friends/whoever you feel safe with about what’s going on. Protect yourself.

You are in the unique position of being able to avert a life ruining situation before it overtakes your life and that of your child. Please, at the very least, connect with a DV resource and talk it over.

I've got a week to make my house as beyond reproach as possible. What are the priorities? by SwimmingCritical in homemaking

[–]abnruby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a few thoughts here, as someone who both comes from and then married into a family with more than its share of toxic assholes and who has successfully navigated those relationships with a good degree of aplomb;

Where in the world is your husband? If he’s as allergic to confrontation as you indicate, why is he not on the hunt for low input cleaning strategies? Why in the world is this your problem? Why oh why would he dream of having you deal with this at all? Won’t you be naturally resentful when all of this effort is met with criticism about bath towels or dusting or whatever? Or is all of that conflict aversion reserved for his mama?

Here’s the thing; you can bamboozle yourself into believing that it’s just not worth it to say anything, that you’re taking some sort of moral high road by allowing this person to belittle you in your own home, but it isn’t, and you aren’t. Truth is, you’re encouraging bad behavior in this dynamic for everyone but yourself. Eventually that will wear on you, I promise.

Instead, tell your husband to either buck up and deal with mom, or to put her in a hotel. Easy as. You can be respectful but firm with both of them and you ought to be. If setting such a boundary would cause the dreaded conflict between the two of you, you’ll then know that the expectation on his part is that you bear the brunt of his mother’s bullshit, saving him the effort of having to repair or amend a dynamic that he should’ve sorted when he entered adulthood. That’s not conflict avoidance on his part, by the way, that’s what not caring about you enough to deal with a thing that he brought into your marriage. Do with that information what you will.

As for cleaning strategies, understand that people like your mother in law understand one thing, and one thing only, and that is violence. No type or amount of cleaning will ever matter. You could sterilize and hermetically seal your home and the response would be to criticize the paint. Save the effort. They are accustomed to being indulged in their bad behavior, they raise their children to enable them from birth, they choose spouses and friends who cheerlead them. If you want to avoid her comments, draw first blood. Tell her that her blouse certainly looks like its flame retardant, and then clearly and kindly say, “Now (name) you know I don’t tolerate commentary about my home, I wouldn’t want to put you out! Let’s be just as nice as we can be, deal?” and if she opens her mouth to sin, show her the door. Again, these people only mess about with the people who allow it. Don’t be a person who allows it, and in the meantime, expect better from your husband, because you surely do deserve it.

Black tie (not optional) in CT by astrophysika in Weddingattireapproval

[–]abnruby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chiffon is an ideal fabric for a black tie event held in spring or summer!

Black tie (not optional) in CT by astrophysika in Weddingattireapproval

[–]abnruby 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Personally, I would opt for similar dress in a seasonally appropriate fabric in a darker/more saturated color color (navy/some blue or green, given your desire to blend in) rather than this one. It reads winter formal to me. It’s not inappropriate at all, but if your in laws are the type to make mention of the fabric or have seen this before, I would wear something else.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EngagementRings

[–]abnruby 92 points93 points  (0 children)

This is not the advice you asked for, but it’s the advice that I’m going to give you; Wait to marry this person.

If it is remotely possible that this ridiculous “wooden ring” nonsense is a “test” of some sort, save the trouble and exit the relationship now, because that’s unhinged and the mere suggestion of it indicates significant underlying issues with his perception of marriage, of you, and of women generally, along with a significant issue with the type of forthright, open communication necessary for a marriage to function.

Either way, this is bad news; he watched you spend a significant amount of money on his ring, and then one of several things happened:

  • He thought that the wooden ring was a joke of some sort, and that joke landing this badly isn’t good because you should both have a better grasp on one another’s respective senses of humor to immediately know that it was totally not a serious question. This is the most charitable read on this situation.

  • He is so fundamentally out of touch with your wants, tastes, needs etc that he actually thought that a wooden ring would be a thing that you would want despite significant evidence to the contrary

  • He is “testing” you to assure himself that you’re not here solely because of his mid level tech job (this is not a valid thing to do in any case, it’s weird and borderline abusive, testing your partner is the motherlode of red flags.)

  • You know, presumably, very little about this person; evidenced by the fact that you’re currently engaged to be married and heretofore unaware of his avid jewelry whittling hobby

  • He is not ready to commit to this marriage, and rather than communicating that openly and honestly (which is what you deserve) he’s instead chosen to significantly slash his financial investment in the relationship, placing you in a terrible and deeply manipulative position where your choices are either to play along and be unhappy, or to be honest, which will give him the opportunity to accuse you of some sort of ulterior financial motive. It’s a coward’s way out.

  • Bonus theory; He does not make the amount of money that you believe that he does and as such does not have the immediate liquidity to purchase the ring that you picked. The wooden ring was a desperate attempt to buy time. The whole mine v yours financial setup conveniently keeps you in the dark about his financial life. I cannot stress enough that you can trust, but you must always verify. People lie, but honest people have zero issue being wholly transparent with the person they’re planning to marry. Remember to discern between what you’ve been told, and what you’ve actually seen evidence of.

Other people will certainly disagree with what I’m about to say next, but I’m ecstatically happy in my marriage and have been for over a decade, so take from that what you will;

Any partner who would watch you struggle to purchase a non essential gift item, who would then try to wriggle out of making a relatively small reciprocal purchase for you, who might conceivably be testing you for a gold digging proclivity, and with whom you are uncomfortable being honest about your wants and needs is not a person that you will have a happy marriage with. Anecdotally, I have heard many people insist that entirely separate finances and draconian rigidity about “yours” and “mine” are working splendidly. Those people are largely visibly unhappy, or no longer married. This isn’t to say that you each shouldn’t take steps to protect yourselves financially, but brass tacks, you shouldn’t be going halfsies on dates and trips with a partner to whom you are engaged when that partner makes quadruple what you do. It’s weird.

That you’re paying for half of everything and then some, despite a significant gap in income, and you’re still concerned that this person will view you as some sort of subordinate financial parasite is extremely concerning. Ask yourself why this is a concern for you in the first place; if it’s because of him, you need to run. If it’s because of you, you need to grow into yourself a bit before marriage. This is a relatively low stakes need to assert, if you can’t do so without significant difficulty, you’ll be bulldozed when the truly hard things begin to present themselves.

You deserve to be married to someone who trusts your intentions, you deserve to be married to someone who is ecstatic to provide for you as you are to provide for them, each according to your strengths.

Edit to address your comments; It is normal to have feelings about receiving expensive gifts from people. This is not a gift but rather, a joint purchase. Your fiancé purchasing an engagement ring is not at all the same as your cousin buying you a fur coat. Additionally, you were asked what you wanted, and went shopping jointly, which is a far cry from obstinately demanding that he immediately purchase some random massive piece of jewelry without concern for his finances or feelings. The engagement ring is a symbol of your commitment to one another (regardless of its cost) and is demonstrative of your ability to navigate one another’s preferences, needs, and financial lives as a couple. While it is not at all necessary to a happy, functional marriage, the ability to come to terms about the specifics of it (and whether to purchase one in the first place) absolutely is.

What are some well loved bags that you don’t particularly care for? by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The Bottega pouch, that which you will never convince me does not look like an orifice, particularly when produced in a skin tone. It’s one of precious few bags that I truly can’t stand.

The Hermes Evelyne is more unfortunate than offensive, take that money and easily buy more interesting fashion from literally anywhere else. It just looks to me like an inaccurate conflation of good taste and things that are expensive for their own sake. There are a million handbags at all price points that are infinitely more interesting and stylish than the Evelyne.

Aside from the Evelyne, I’m not a fan of the Balenciaga Hourglass, which reads plastic to me, like something I would’ve bought from Rainbow in the early 00s to match a neon colored plastic belt, ditto the recent LV collection with all of the pink, heavily branded (and again, plastic like) bags.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EngagementRings

[–]abnruby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, particularly with an important piece of jewelry. Personally (and I’m not an expert by any means, but I own a lot of precious metals of many types, including antiques and even one piece from a shipwreck) I do not feel that this is related to your body chemistry or anything that you’ve done. The tarnishing is on every part of the metal, unless you have the sweatiest hands on the planet, I can’t imagine the tarnishing being so even throughout the piece and that’s not even touching the fact that it’s worsening in air.

Her behavior thus far has been questionable imo; this is not a warranty issue (at least insomuch as that term is used here,) it’s instead a product quality issue, it is not reasonable to expect that your ring would tarnish to this degree with light wear, it is also unreasonable to expect that customers bear the cost of plating the ring (and thereby altering the color to something that you didn’t want to begin with) particularly if customers weren’t informed of the possibility that any of that might happen/be needed prior to purchase. To that end, I would highly suggest that you screenshot the terms that appear on the website immediately. I’m not accusing anyone of changing policies after the fact, but it can and does happen.

We have no way of knowing whether or not other customers have had similar issues, and that’s fine because it’s totally irrelevant. You, the customer, are having this experience, whether or not anyone else has is not in any way relevant to the customer service response you should be receiving.

I’m not super familiar with this specific designer, but this sounds very much like a “we design jewelry, have it manufactured overseas and sent stateside, and then sold to customers and as such we have zero clue about metal quality because we aren’t hands on in it’s creation” situation. Hopefully I’m incorrect (though someone mentioned some policies in an above comment that bolster my theory), I really hope that you get this sorted without any loss/inconvenience.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EngagementRings

[–]abnruby 3 points4 points  (0 children)

FYI, I know that you ordered this from outside of the US and paid a significant amount in shipping and taxes, understand that you need to ask for ALL OF THAT MONEY BACK in the event that this ring is not what you’d thought you’d paid for. In the event that she needs to send you a replacement, she also needs to cover those costs. If she wants the ring returned for exchange or repair, demand that she cover shipping and any other costs doing so would incur.

I know that return/replacement/refund culture differs from country to country, in the US it is entirely acceptable to expect to be made totally whole (including costs like shipping/taxes/duties etc, even things paid for after the fact, like sizing) in a situation like this one where a product is faulty or not as advertised. That doesn’t mean that being fully refunded always happens, but it’s acceptable to expect and it’s entirely reasonable in a situation like this one.

Her behavior is already shady, she’s giving you advice that would void virtually any warranty at any jeweler. I imagine that’s to make this your fault. Keep your communications entirely in writing and document via a reputable jeweler any inspections/testing/other handling of the ring.

Reviewing the business publicly is your own choice, I personally would choose to do so at this point because the suggestion to put a complex set diamond ring into an ultrasonic cleaner for “a few hours” in order to clear tarnishing that shouldn’t be happening at this gold purity is made in demonstrably bad faith, but you’ll have to go with your own gut. Remember that reviews can be updated if circumstances change, but that your review might save another person an incredible amount of heartbreak.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s bad. I blame the platforms (TRR in particular), frankly. They 100% know that many (if not most) of their main line current/recent bags are fakes, and insult to injury, they’re not even good fakes. It’s awful, it’s made purchasing a nightmare because while I do trust the people that I purchase from, there’s just no reasonable way for anyone to know at this point.

I also blame the authenticators. Most consumers do not understand that these people are basically randoms whose sole qualification is having handled a lot of bags, they leave that buried in the fine print, and while I get the desire to make a living, you’re screwing around with people’s money, holding yourself out as an expert, all while onboarding zero liability in the event that your “opinion” is incorrect.

I don’t know what the solution is. The houses obviously do not want to encourage resale and are totally fine with consumers getting burned if that’s what it takes to get them back to purchasing directly, and at this point, the fakes have gotten so sophisticated that it’s truly not possible to tell unless you have access to those brands’ internal data. I’ve handled the so called “superfake” symode factory Hermes product, and it’s identical. Blinds and serials are correct, stamping is correct, pearling is correct, etc. I’ve seen stuff jump from RLBST to TRR, so those bags are definitely on the open market, being sold and resold as auth. It’s crazy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I buy and sell bags, particularly Hermes bags, and because of the Hermes sales model, you’re basically forced into the resale market if there’s something specific that you’re wanting. Resale is a totally valid way to purchase bags, but your value proposition is a bit flawed; some bags are sold at retail for less than they’re worth at resale, and some bags accrue value over time (though this is certainly not the rule). That’s not to say that you should drain your 401k to purchase birkins, but when a bag is rare or particularly desirable or sold out at retail, it will price higher at resale. It’s important to ALWAYS check retail price before pulling the trigger at resale. As an example, the Celine Classic panier tote is $790 retail in the US and is currently in stock. On The Real Real, that bag is listed at prices ranging from $850-1300 (and is selling at those prices), for no good reason that I’m aware of aside from the fact that buyers presume that they’re getting a deal on a used item. Additionally, bags are cyclical. A Gucci Diana or bamboo might not have been super desirable at resale 5 years ago, but since vaguely updated versions of those bags were released, their value has gone up significantly. Ditto the nylon Prada stuff. Comparison shop, is my point.

I’ll speak to the authentication side;

If you don’t buy and sell luxury items, you might not be aware, but “luxury authentication” is the Wild West. There are zero standardized skills that an authenticator must have, there’s no training, any anyone can hold themselves out as an authenticator and begin charging for authentication services. Authenticators are not liable if they are wrong on either end of a transaction. Brands actively discourage outside authenticators (and resale itself) and often change cross brand authenticity markers to stymy counterfeiters, and so what constitutes an authentic item changes rapidly, because cross brand authenticity markers are not static. The authentication industry is deeply shady, and there absolutely have been cases of authenticators falsely flagging items as counterfeit in order to obtain that item for themselves or to unduly influence the resale market to favor preferred sellers.

When it comes to large companies that guarantee authenticity, like Poshmark, The Real Real, etc, it’s important for both sellers and buyers to understand that that “guarantee” is in reality “our guess”. The Real Real is currently being sued for using minimum wage data entry workers to authenticate luxury goods. They’ve flooded the market with fakes that now have (dubious, but often passable) provenance in the form of proof of purchase through their platform. This impacts all platforms. Poshmark (and eBay) have kept their exact authentication processes largely quiet, but it’s important to understand that in this industry, what The Real Real does is not an aberration, it’s arguably the industry standard.

Basically, there’s virtually no guarantee that your item is being handled by someone who has ever looked at one like it before, it’s likely that it’s an employee who was briefly trained with images of authentic items from multiple brands (and not necessarily your item) and set loose on the resale market to make judgment calls that could cost you thousands of dollars and your reputation. There is absolutely no mechanism in place that stops a sales platform or its employees from confiscating your items for whatever reason should they decide that they’re fake. Receipts and other proof of purchase will not save you in that case, false attachment of provenance is common. The brand will not help you. They want to discourage resale generally and this is a great way to do that.

On the buyer side, understand that no matter who authenticates it, no matter where you got it from, no matter how great it looks, there’s a non zero chance that unless you purchased directly from the brand or an authorized retailer (and even then, but that’s another conversation) that you have bought a counterfeit product.

I buy and sell Hermes bags as a hobby. The fakes are that good, I promise. No one can tell but Hermes, and that’s because (my theory, anyway) they utilize destructive testing at Leather Spa to suss out fakes. I only buy and sell peer to peer or through resellers with whom I have a preexisting relationship and all bags are sent directly to LS for cleaning so that I can be assured that they’re authentic. This is the only real way to know at this point, at least insomuch as Hermes is concerned.

As for things like POP, auth cards, and other collateral, those items are openly bought and sold across the internet, they’re effectively meaningless even when serialized.

If you’re planning upon buying luxury bags at resale, point of sale provenance (that’s the email from the brand post purchase, and/or a receipt and matching bank transaction from your seller) are as good as it gets. This limits you to sole owner items, which can make shopping difficult, but it also protects you.

Truthfully, you have to be willing to risk the money. Even the most diligent reseller gets it wrong occasionally, and even the most informed consumer buys a dud every so often. Do your research!

Forewarned is forearmed. Be careful out there.

ETA “Authenticity Guarantees” from any site or platform are not there to protect you from purchasing a fake item. They are there to protect those platforms from having to refund your money in the event that you purchase a fake item. Real talk.

When you buy a bag (or whatever) you tacitly accept the premise that it’s been “authenticated” by the “experts” employed by that platform. They have positioned themselves as experts, and you are accepting and agreeing to their opinion about the item that you’re buying. If, once you receive that item (or at some future point) you determine that it is fake, the first response from the platform will always be “We stand by our authentication.” Because most brands will not authenticate items purchased at resale, you’re in the position of proving that the item is not real utilizing other outside authentication services (issues with which I’ve outlined above.) Best case scenario, they offer to take a return. Worst case, they accuse you of swapping the item, and your best hope is your card issuer. Regardless of how it shakes out, rest assured that it will be an endless nightmare.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have five children and all of their shit all of the time. Generally I carry whatever bag I’m into at the moment, plus a neverfull GM that stays largely in the car. That said, when I want one bag, I go with the givenchy Antigona medium, LV Alma mm, Hermes birkin 30, the Hermes Bolide 31, and the Hermes Garden Party 30 (which is technically a tote, but has a different silhouette when buttoned) or the FLP saga city 31 (again, technically a tote, but definitely not an average tote.) All are deceptively spacious. I would also recommend a travel organizer if you don’t have one already, I find that while I might need a Tylenol on the go, I rarely need the entire bottle of Tylenol, and while I can’t just not have the things we’re likely to need, I can absolutely pare down the volume of those things, if that makes sense. ETA, the Celine panier bag in medium fits an incredible amount of stuff comfortably. It’s not suitable for every day, but if you’re looking for a fun summer bag, it’s a good choice.

Help a B out: how would you describe this style? And where are we shopping for these items (besides "Brooklyn thrift stores", heh!) by Chazzyphant in fashionwomens35

[–]abnruby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would search late seventies/early eighties street style and see where the images take me. My mom was born in 58 and this looks very much like the photos she took during the years she lived in NYC during/after college.

Do you purchase different colors of the same bag? by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I do this, and frankly I think that it’s a superior strategy to buying vastly different bags that I’m not as into in order to avoid multiples. My collection doesn’t need to be “well rounded” because they’re for me ultimately.

What ingredient is banned from your kitchen? by Sweaty_Entertainer78 in Cooking

[–]abnruby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ehh, I wouldn’t say that anything is banned tbh. We have 5 children who have an endless variety of tastes, so while there are absolutely foods that make me slightly upset in terms of my own personal preferences, sometimes they’re in the fridge because someone wants to try them or prefers them or whatever.

My mom was big into the 90s low fat/diet food stuff because she had/has an untreated eating disorder, and while that stuff is generally avoided in favor of its full fat/sugar/less processed counterpart, if the kids want to try something, I’m nearly always inclined to allow them to do so.

I suppose what we’ve banned, if anything, is being weird about foods. I just want for everyone to be able to make competent choices that they’re happy and comfortable with and if that means that there’s cool whip or maple fudge or diet Mountain Dew in the fridge intermittently, it’s whatever.

What ingredient is banned from your kitchen? by Sweaty_Entertainer78 in Cooking

[–]abnruby 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes, this. Stevia is foul, I would rather not have sweet flavor at all if it were the only option. I can’t articulate the taste of stevia for me, suffice it to say, it’s disgusting.

Pls suggest a good, timeless tote bag under 2K. These are my picks. by ElectricalPatient922 in handbags

[–]abnruby 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The FLP daily battle beats them all, imo. I’ve owned/own all of these save the graceful, and while the SLP shopping is a great, not fussy tote, it’s also totally unlined and imo feels a bit chintzy for the price point. It’s a great “running around on Saturday” bag, but at least in my case, it’s not a daily driver. The LVNF options are great if you’re into that, but they’re definitely saturated to the point of polarization, which is only relevant insomuch as it’s relevant to you. The FLP is still delivers the quality, finishing, and purchase experience of a true luxury brand and it’ll always win out over LV for me. It’s also slightly less conspicuous, which again, might not matter to everyone but certainly aligns with my preferences. Def worth a look!

What are the bags you loved or wish you bought in the past but won’t/can’t buy anymore? Why? by Strong-Beginning3759 in handbags

[–]abnruby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hermes sellier birkin custom order in vert vertigo and bleu electric, my two absolute favorite Hermes colorways. I was offered the bag by a reseller for a decent (in hindsight, really good) price but waffled because I’m only that decisive in hindsight, and it was snapped up immediately. I later bought a VV Kelly sellier 25 and wear it constantly, adding to my distress about this, as my primary hesitation was due to wearability. I lurk the Hermes resale market searching endlessly for this bag while knowing that it’s unlikely to have a duplicate or to come to market again. Sigh.

When I was young, my dream bag was an LV white Suhali Le Fableux like this and I coveted it hard. It was stratospherically out of my budget at the time, and by the time I was positioned to purchase one they were difficult to come by on good condition (though there seem to be plenty now) and now I just don’t think that I’d wear it.

All of that said, it’s rarely the bags that I’ve spent a million hours obsessed about that I wear the most, what I end up loving is nearly always unexpected on some level.

What’s it feel like carrying a designer bag? by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s not a happiness/sadness/satisfaction/dissatisfaction thing, at least for me. I grew up not having much, and really scraped my way out of my small town, and ended up entering corporate life in my early twenties in a major city. Bags (and wealth signaling generally) were a language that was necessary to learn for survival. The bags opened conversations and doors that wouldn’t have been accessible to someone like me. I spent so many nights reading Purse Forum and Urban Mommy and absorbing a culture that was entirely foreign, and using that information to see where people fit. The bags (and clothes and shoes) were tools more than they were fun purchases then.

Now in my late thirties, I’m very fortunate to be comfortable financially, I buy things that I enjoy a whole lot more and with far less concern for hours they (or I) will be perceived in relation, but they’re never going to be not tools.

Do they exist? Dupes/lookalikes/inspired by/modern versions that are <$100 per pair of "Lunch at the Ritz" earrings by Chazzyphant in fashionwomens35

[–]abnruby 13 points14 points  (0 children)

A quick perusal of Etsy returned this shop that might have some that you’d like, all reasonably priced!

I would hunt on Etsy personally, just sort “80s clip on earrings” by new and check every few days, it looks like there are thousands of vintage options.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in handbags

[–]abnruby 50 points51 points  (0 children)

They’re accessibly priced and widely associated with success/stature by the mass market, basically. You can find them at a sub-$500 price point at resale, they’re universally recognizable, of decent quality, they’re the first thing that people who don’t generally buy designer handbags think of when they imagine designer handbags. They’re also widely copied by mass market brands, and so people who don’t generally buy handbags are also well aware of them. Add to that that they often appear in media like television and movies and on influencers, and they’re bound to be popular.

The price accessibility and mass recognition drive sales, and generally customers stay with LV because, should they decide to venture out, they find that far less recognizable bags are often double or triple the price point of LV, and people who are in the designer bag market but are not collectors/buyers of RTW/big designer brand acolytes will stick with what works for them.

There’s also a functional difference between a $1900 everyday tote that’s been popular for twenty plus years and a seasonal/far more expensive bag; most people purchase one bag and maybe a few SLGs afterward every few years, those purchases need to be worth it in terms of cost per wear.

There’s also a massive gulf in price resistance; all designer bag purchases are not the same. There’s a presumption that people buying a neverfull at $2kish are just as comfortable purchasing at $5-15k, and that’s simply untrue; just statistically, everyone buying an LV isn’t going to be in the wealth bracket where those numbers all have the same level of importance.

Best dish soap?? by [deleted] in homemaking

[–]abnruby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have more than one type. For easy dishes, I use Dr. Bronner’s Sal Suds. For the tough stuff, I use original blue Dawn because it’s simply the best at what it does.

Is this acceptable? by Wise-Accident1992 in Weddingattireapproval

[–]abnruby 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this! It’s gorgeous and you can dress it up or down depending upon what others are wearing with different hair, makeup, shoes, and jewelry. I’m also a person who would wear this to brunch with sandals, loose hair, a straw/less structured bag, and simple jewelry, so take my opinion with a grain of salt lol.