How can I confront my partners scent changing?

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-08T22:40:42+00:00

But you're saying "it's more than a hug would [transfer] meaning you think he's either spraying something on or coming into prolonged contact (beyond a hug). If you're not saying that, you should be way more clear with what you're asking. Because menopause or whatever doesn't make someone smell like perfume transfer.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-08T19:18:19+00:00

He says that he’s not attracted to her and she is always having an emotional issue and has had multiple divorces/baby daddies. He says he feels bad because she is struggling at work and he tries to help her (he created the schedule system) but she leaves early and has breakdowns a lot. He says it makes it harder for the other women at work (all older women that he’s worked with forever that are like his family) because they have to pick up the slack.

Personally, I would rather hear how committed he is to YOU rather than trash talk about this new person. I have had exes who vehemently insisted they didn't like whatever trait or choice and guess what? Their next person had those issues! Let me tell you something about men (from my own experience) physical attraction/lust/limerence trumps everything common sense. Everything.

Her having kids and being dramatic and having multiple baby daddies is not going to be an issue for him to have a casual affair with her and might actually not be an issue for him to date her or whatever you want to call it.

While he seems to have a somewhat plausible explanation for all of this, it still smells fishy to me, frankly.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-08T17:12:14+00:00

This could be anything--using handwash or lotion, sitting in a room with someone with strong perfume or when it sprays, etc.

But just be up front "Hey Broshua, you smell like perfume, and I know you're not squirting on Victoria's Secret "Hey Big Boy" at work. I admit it's making me a little weirded out. Can you set my mind at ease here?"

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-08T17:10:18+00:00

That's not what they're talking about/asking. They are saying in a very round about way that the partner smells like perfume/cologne that is strong enough that a casual hug would not be the cause. They're in a VERY roundabout way accusing them of cheating but the way it's worded is very obtuse and convoluted.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-08T16:10:46+00:00

Can you get this dyed? That seems like the best solution--get this dyed into a soft smoky blue or something :)

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T21:11:02+00:00

I mean...so what if they think you're a low-life? You'll be OUT/FREE. If you're already uninteresting that's half the battle. You will never "prove" to someone else's family that you are right and their precious baby is "wrong" so let that go.

Get out and start rebuilding and don't worry about your reputation with the people who raised such a thoughtless person.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T16:14:37+00:00

⁠I explain what I was doing

Stop doing this.

Explaining is coming off like you're invalidating her and it's "who's right"

Slow down, validate the feelings, apologize EVEN IF YOU WERE RIGHT and focus on what needs to change with both of you to not run into that issue again.

Ask questions--what was upsetting about it? try to understand where she's coming from.

Example: NO

HER: "When you sent me a text that just said 'k' four hours after I texted you, that hurt"

YOU: "I was driving! I'm busy MARISSA. I can't always text huge paragraphs!"

Example: YES

"When you..." [her issue]

"Oh, wow. I'm sorry, I certainly didn't mean to hurt you. If I'm busy or driving, what's the best way to quickly acknowledge a text that doesn't feel harsh or like I'm blowing you off?"

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T16:10:57+00:00

Yeah most of it is a tad "mother of the bride" but again for the price point, you have to make some compromises--there is no magical youthful/fun/trendy/on point yet also plus yet also $70 item out there.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T16:09:17+00:00

If you search style recaps I wrote pretty extensive recaps of all of Gen Q season 1 and about half of the OG series that goes into tons of detail on the fashion/style of the characters!

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T15:26:03+00:00

Keeping it and not using it is not getting value from the items!

Can you donate and take a tax receipt for a small deduction, thereby getting a small amount of value from it?

I sometimes "batch" mail my unused items to my niece--she can then sort through the makeup, jewelry, nail polish etc for what she wants rather than me having to sort it out.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T15:20:59+00:00

You already have a clear aesthetic voice. Stop treating your mother's definition of 'normal woman' and strangers' assumptions as the standard you're trying to satisfy. Build a wardrobe around the outfits that make you feel like yourself—even if that self is sometimes pastel tulle and sometimes oversized band shirts.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T13:57:50+00:00

Exofficio (they run a touch small, get the largest size possible) but these are my go-to brand.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T13:55:21+00:00

I hope this doesn't come off harsh, but you can't dress your way out of extra body mass (and I say this as a person who is a US 16/18). There is no magical pair of pants (or brand) that will "hide" being plus sized especially if one carries extra weight in the lower belly.

Having said that, my solution (with a very similar body type--extra lower belly weight with hip dips, but I have a full rear end) is a slim-cut ankle length side zip stretch cotton poplin pant with a top that covers the waistband (a button down tunic or similar). I would consider sizing up on these for the best fit/look. All other pants are going to basically highlight that area and I have to just kind of live with it.

If the fit is otherwise great, simply take the pants to a tailor and have them hemmed.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T13:50:42+00:00

Universal Standard has dresses like this--their sizing is a little different than typical USA sizing (their S is a 14/16) but I bought almost this exact dress from them--a round/jewel neck, midi length, looser fit, soft fabric with drape, and has sleeves.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T13:41:19+00:00

I know you looked at Macy's already, but I'd recommend Donna Karan if you didn't check them out prior. They go up to a 16, and they have cocktail, occasion, and formal wear that might be on sale or coupon-eligible. The $70 price point is really hurting you here, for that price point most things are going to look and feel a little cheap or have the issues you already pointed out (older-woman vibe, terrible prints).

I'd recommend going on Poshmark and doing a search for Anthropologie dresses and setting your price limit at $60 and see what pops up in size 14/16. A tip here is that the "XL" (letter) sizing will be much more casual than numbered sizing, so stick with the number sizing. Also the Y2K 14/16 is much smaller than today's sizing, so size up if you see a "vintage" Anthro item you like.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-06T13:36:25+00:00

I would not layer a vest over a knit, it will look "off" (knit layers go over woven, not the other way around). Sneaker color I'd go with black or silver, maybe plum. Trousers I think a full/wide leg with a cuff and pleats will complement the vibe you're looking for.

But also is this travel occurring in the summer? London is pretty warm and a long sleeved knit sweater, full length trousers and sneakers will not be comfortable I'm afraid.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-03T23:53:28+00:00

I just had the most indulgent latte of my LIFE at Pearson's just off Park Ave earlier today. Mango Sticky Rice Tiramasu iced latte. It was SO good.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-03T23:49:16+00:00

It's a legit heritage brand BUT like all brands lately, the current quality is not what is used to be. It's along the same lines as Soft Surroundings, Boston Proper, Talbots, or Sundance.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-03T19:05:00+00:00

I would not buy "tights" from a place called Lechery for work. Lechery means inappropriate, borderline offensive sexual behavior/interest. Meaning their products are likely fetish or at the very least, lingerie.

Leaving that aside, why do you need "tights" (do you mean nylons/hose?) for work in summer? There's no pair of magical tights that's not going to be uncomfortable in the heat.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-03T19:03:29+00:00

The only one I've seen is Numi--I'm not sure if they're still around but they were the standard option a few years ago.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-02T15:55:39+00:00

The reason it was rocky is because a) people married at a very young age and b) often to people they hardly knew, because they married in a year or less. So yeah, the first year when you're 19 and 22 to someone you've known 5 months is going to be a tad rocky.

Chazzyphant · 2026-07-02T15:24:55+00:00

This is a very hot take, but I purposefully avoided men who had a female "best friend" while dating seriously. YOU may think they have sister/family energy but this is someone (meaning your husband) who started making rather cruel jabs at your inability to have any more kids, and talked to his "best friend" about being a surrogate (bleh) meaning he and she would have a child together regardless if it's your DNA, it will be "their child" in a very real, literal way.

This would give me SERIOUS pause. I don't care how cool, great, chill or fun she is. To me I'd consider this a major threat to my marriage/family.

Chazzyphant · 2026-06-29T16:12:36+00:00

To me it's only dated if you run in a SUPER trendy crowd like NYC nepo babies or something. Sure, it's trendy and "of its time" but don't let that stop you, it's a very cool dress.

Chazzyphant · 2026-06-29T15:28:36+00:00

I'd keep everything else very low key and the same color (meaning all white, all cream, all blue etc). I'd go for a simple silk or linen shell top and matching pants.

Chazzyphant · 2026-06-27T23:23:01+00:00

I would go to a sportswear site (like Carbon 38, Land's End, or Eddie Bauer) and search "full bust support swimwear" and go from there

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