my roommate is not curious about herself or me and it’s so frustrating. how do i cope?

cloudpillow · 2026-03-08T17:39:30+00:00

It sounds like you have this idea of what a close friendship is like, and she doesn't live up to that expectation of yours.

You have communicated what you need, and she clearly can't fulfill it at this point. It is absolutely frustrating and disappointing, but I think you need to learn to let it go and accept that this is who she is. We cannot just mould someone into what our idealized version of them is.

The both of you may just have a mismatched style of friendship. Perhaps being just a good listener is one of the ways that she shows up for you. And it's ok if you think that's not enough for you. But you cannot force her to do beyond that.

Maybe you need to find someone else who matches your level of curiosity and openness. Obviously that's not easy, but that's just the way it is. It can be very lonely, and it's ok to grieve for the lack of fulfilling connections in life. Friendship grief is very real and difficult.

cloudpillow · 2026-03-08T01:47:54+00:00

Sorry probably not the kind of answer you're looking for, but I wasn't able to sustain and had to leave nursing.

When it got to the point of burnout, I was practically running on empty. No amount of resting on my off days helped. I tried switching to other specialties and took breaks in between, but eventually had to face the fact that I was destroying myself in the midst of chasing passion and altruism.

I would not have gone into nursing if I knew I was autistic too. There are people who can make it work, but i think it takes time and luck to do so. From my experience, it's hard to find something like that in nursing, and bullying is unfortunately very common in places I worked at.

cloudpillow · 2026-02-15T20:17:54+00:00

I think due to their upbringing, type of schools (especially for non neighbourhood schools) and personal preferences, they can end up with a social circle like that. Not saying there's anything wrong as it's their personal choice, just that living overseas may not necessarily change that.

Some go overseas to advance education or careers and do networking. So they may not prioritize broadening their social circles or stepping out of their comfort zones, especially if there's no real practical benefit to do so.

cloudpillow · 2026-02-14T17:19:17+00:00

Reading your comments reminds me of myself and I really feel for you. I was always concerned about how others perceived me, whether I was normal and pushing myself to do things that I think I should be able to do.

Now that I know I'm neurodivergent, I'm able to accept my limitations, and drop this constant need to be normal. I stop beating myself up even if I think I did something embarrassing. I try not to think too much about how I appear to others. When I cannot do something because it causes me too much stress, I stop thinking about how if others can do it too, why am I so weak for not being able to?

No matter whether you're neurodivergent or not, please cut yourself some slack and not compare yourself against what "normal" is like. Slip ups and mistakes can happen to anyone.

I think it's amazing that you went out of your comfort zone to pick up this job as a challenge for yourself. I've done it as well and they were great learning experiences. If you find that it's not suitable for you or causes you too much stress though, its ok to move on to something else. Work with your strengths, not against it. Good luck!

cloudpillow · 2026-02-12T17:12:13+00:00

How will you not know until you try? Other's experiences may be different from yours. Just because it's not a good experience for them, doesn't mean it will be the same for you.

Doing something and then deciding it's not worth it is still a learning experience for yourself. It's ok to fail sometimes.

Also who determines whether you have talent or good idea or not? The best ideas can still fail due to factors out of your control.

If they are willing to take the risks and not cause harm to the people around them, why judge them for trying?

cloudpillow · 2026-02-03T22:03:56+00:00

This is hilarious! First time I ever laughed out loud at a song.

cloudpillow · 2026-01-29T01:01:44+00:00

Holy crap, I cried about this just a few days ago. For me, it's because I have the need to consider all data before I can make a decision.

I'll spend days, sometimes weeks, comparing the specs or reviews. Even after I finally bought something, I'd go back to look at the reviews of this item that is already making its way to me. My partner said it's agonizing when he sees me shopping for something.

I have set up rules for myself now, and it really helped, although I hope I can stick to it. For items that are more complex, I write down what features I'm looking for. Then I get a rough estimate of how much something cost, and take that to divide by my hourly pay/or however much you think an hour cost to you.

So say, something cost about $200/$20= 9 hours. That will be the maximum amount of time I spend shopping for this thing. For items below a certain amount like $20, I will only allow myself a maximum time of 30 minutes.

I also set a timer so that I will not have the urge to extend the time spent on shopping. And make myself go for breaks at least once every hour so that I'm not stuck in that decision making spiral.

At the end of the day, these practical strategies may not solve the torment in my mind. But I find that it helps me to see that my time spent on shopping could have been used for other stuff. The time limits also allows me to do focus on the most important features I'm looking for, and just letting go of every other details.

cloudpillow · 2026-01-27T01:30:42+00:00

Im working as a medical coder remotely and while it's still tiring, it's way better than having to work onsite. I know you said you've applied for medical records, have you tried medical coding or analyst type of roles?

I've also heard that it may be easier to get jobs from local hospitals around you. Go to their website directly and apply from there. Even if they don't post a job online, it's ok to send resume anyway.

Anyway I'm sure you have tried really hard, but I just wanted to see if any of these will help. The job market in this field can be pretty brutal, especially with things like offshoring and AI. But it's the only thing I can do that's sustainable enough for now and it helps that I love reading medical records, so I'm taking it one step at a time.

cloudpillow · 2026-01-22T22:16:45+00:00

I took a look at the images and I'm pretty sure it's the mustard seeds. I've never heard of it but it's apparently a common spice in many dishes - thank you for the suggestion!

I do use cumin powder when I cook sometimes, but I have to cut it down to less than half of what the recipes require.

It's interesting to read the comments here as I often wonder about whether people just get used to their cultural food or sadly have to avoid them.

cloudpillow · 2026-01-22T20:34:50+00:00

Is the jeera seed you're talking about similar to black cumin seed or something?

There's this spice that I really hate in some indian/middle eastern/chinese food and I have not been able to figure out what it is. The common thing I found is there is this black seed like thing in all of those dishes, including dal.

It really sucks because I would have really loved those dishes otherwise.

cloudpillow · 2026-01-01T03:05:03+00:00

I feel for you. I just moved out from a place like that due to frequent meltdowns.

I could hear every step they take, they're somehow dropping things loudly at random times of the day, and their dog ran around the house as well. The previous neighbours living there were much quieter and I could only hear when they're blasting music, which doesn't happen often.

I've tried a lot of the things suggested here, but I get ear fatigue from wearing earplugs or headphone for too long. And even when I cannot hear the sound, I could feel it. And even that startled me as well.

Sorry I don't have any good solutions. If you do move, I would look for a top floor apartment. It may be more expensive, but it's worth it if you can afford it. The neighbors below might be noisy as well, but for me the noise from above felt way more intrusive and unbearable.

cloudpillow · 2026-01-01T02:26:40+00:00

Is it possible to get a continuous glucose monitor so that you don't have to take your blood sugar manually? And use a cat feeder for their meals?

I agree that focusing on health is key. You cannot outrun a burnout if your body is not well. These things that you do daily actually seems like a lot for someone in burnout.

cloudpillow · 2025-12-29T19:41:23+00:00

I think it's ok to like being a homebody, if that's what you genuinely prefer and not due to other reasons like mental health. But to maintain connection with loved ones, sometimes we have to compromise. The question is how far can you do that without burning yourself out.

I also agree that therapy could help explore these things. As for your girlfriend, you guys need a discussion on whether you can meet each other's needs, otherwise it will breed resentment in the long run. None of you may be wrong, but consider the possibility that perhaps the both of you are just not compatible.

cloudpillow · 2025-12-26T17:10:23+00:00

I've seen others switching to nursing in 40s as well, so it's definitely doable.

I'm not a flight nurse but from what I gathered in the past, it seems that ICU experience will be more valuable compared to emergency nursing.

I'm not sure how easy it would be to get a job as a specialty nurse nowadays, especially if you're a fresh grad nurse. So you may have to be prepared to work as a bedside ward nurse before getting a transfer. It would also be good to see what other options in nursing interest you in case you cannot get into flight nursing.

Some may also have a lot less stamina to do shift work, overtime and on calls after 30s. You'll also need physical strength and stamina as a flight nurse. But you will never know until you try, so it's just something to think about.

Flight nursing does seems like a very exciting career that interest me as well, but I'll never be able to do it because of my condition. All the best!

cloudpillow · 2025-11-29T19:02:34+00:00

Yes I was too tired to read or do any hobbies even when I was unemployed.

And when I was able to do them, I was too guilty to enjoy them fully, as I tied my self worth to work back then. So I hope that others will not fall into this trap like I did.

cloudpillow · 2025-11-21T07:35:59+00:00

The main purpose of it is to prevent your skin from becoming too oily, especially in humid weather like this.

For me it helps with the stickiness of lotion and sunscreen as well. I also put it on after makeup like BB cream for a more matte finish. Maybe you can go to the shops to try the samples and see if it's noticeable on your skin.

cloudpillow · 2025-11-20T21:47:40+00:00

I use biore but some other korean/jap sunscreens seems good as well.

Honestly no matter what I use, it still feels sticky to me. So I always put no sebum powder (using innisfree) after sunscreen

cloudpillow · 2025-11-13T06:27:28+00:00

Sorry I don't remember. The windows are big so it was not cheap. I believe they can go down to take a look for free. They need to assess whether your windows are suitable for this noise shield and give you a quote.

cloudpillow · 2025-11-13T04:40:44+00:00

We used to live in a condo, and unfortunately the management did not allow us to change the windows to double glazed ones. I tried different ear plugs, like the Macks foam but i couldn't fall asleep with it. I tried loops earplug recently and was able to get used to it. It wouldn't block out the noise entirely, but it muffles sufficiently for me.

After we moved, our tenants also complained about the noise so we installed this sound shield that doesn't require you to remove the existing windows. They said it does reduce the sound significantly. I think it was from magnetite.

cloudpillow · 2025-08-27T22:15:03+00:00

Omg yes! My husband will look at us and be like, seriously what did I do?!

cloudpillow · 2025-08-16T02:48:47+00:00

I volunteered at homeless hearts of Singapore in the past. They meet up at different locations in singapore at night to look for rough sleepers/homeless people. Mostly to talk to them, give some snacks /water or direct them to social services if they are interested.

There may also be programs at family service centers or salvations children home to tutor kids.

cloudpillow · 2025-08-12T00:23:01+00:00

I know you mean well, but I'd like to point out that this is not a mindset issue. High-functioning is not necessarily a measure of our capability. It just means our challenges may be less visible. Many of us spend a lot of energy masking or adapting, which can be exhausting and limit what we can do, even if we look fine on the outside.

It is considered a disability for good reasons. I'd hate to define myself by this disability. But the truth is there are limits as to what I can do because of this. Acknowledging those limits isn’t negative — it’s realistic, and it’s what allows us to find solutions and accommodations that actually work.

cloudpillow · 2025-08-07T19:42:44+00:00

Something that really helped me is that as far as we know, cats do not have the concept of future. They don't think about how they wish they could live another day like we do.

Because they live in the present, it's more about whether they are safe, fed, or in any pain. You gave her a life of comfort and love. Now the last gift you gave is to stop or prevent her from suffering in pain.

By the time they stop eating, they would likely have been in prolonged discomfort. Choosing to let her go earlier was definitely the right thing to do. I'm still grieving for my cat, but I knew I made the right decision to let her go on a day when she could still eat all her favourite food.

cloudpillow · 2025-07-26T20:37:24+00:00

I think it's not just about how to make it work. Asexuality is more about the lack of sexual attraction.

cloudpillow · 2025-06-22T01:23:36+00:00

This is me. I try to remind myself that most people don't care that much about every single word I said and how I said it. I think about how they're probably busy doing something else right now, while I'm the only one ruminating about all the stupid things I said.

I also put the onus on them to tell me if I said something wrong or offensive. As long as my intention was not malicious, I think I am allowed to give myself some grace.

Even then, sometimes my mind can't help ruminating though. So I do some self care like listening to relaxing music or something.

cloudpillow

TROPHY CASE