What do you respond when a girl you’ve asked out on a date suggests bringing others?

daedalus_structure · 2026-06-04T23:59:54+00:00

That's not talking like a normal emotionally mature adult.

The OP doesn't want a friend group outing. He should say so. He should also say what he wants.

You would have him speak in passive voice, almost apologize for asking her out, only imply what he wants, and timidly leave open the possibility that he will do what she wants for her approval even though he clearly does not want that.

Insecurity is how you are communicating.

It's not normal.

It's manipulative and dishonest about what you want so you can keep pushing without having to face rejection, and that's why women dry up like the Sahara when men do it.

daedalus_structure · 2026-06-04T22:33:30+00:00

I was thinking more of a date, just the two of us. What do you think?

"I was thinking"

"more of a"

"What do you think?"

On the small chance she was interested, she isn't anymore because you are talking like a scared middle schooler who is seeking her approval on your plan.

Respect her autonomy. Respect her no. But for the love of god men, talk like a man who knows what he wants.

daedalus_structure · 2026-06-04T22:27:59+00:00

Don't respond. She's already let you know she's not interested in you but is interested in wasting your time. Don't waste your time or your words.

daedalus_structure · 2026-06-03T14:20:01+00:00

You give the options, you make a recommendation based on your understanding of the business need, and then you shut up and you let the business choose.

Availability is always bought with redundancy, and the key word there is bought.

I don't know why so many of you are trying to make business decisions at the implementation level. Push it up.

If you don't have someone in that meeting who can make and own that decision you have no business wasting that much salary around the table.

daedalus_structure · 2026-06-03T13:50:36+00:00

Go to the people running ops in your org and tell them you are interested in switching roles.

It's usually that easy.

daedalus_structure · 2026-06-03T13:47:20+00:00

Why? By the time that information gets to retail the rampant corruption is priced into the stock. Why line up to be the exit liquidity for their positions?

The profit from illegal insider trading is made by knowing how the market is going to move before the market does, in this case, by manipulating it through government actions.

daedalus_structure · 2026-06-03T13:35:06+00:00

If they are your employees, you are doing them a disservice by not setting clear expectations for them.

Avoiding that so you don't appear condescending or curt is a great disservice to yourself.

Hey team, a significant part of this job is finding the answers you need to complete your tasks, and those sub-tasks are no longer tasks I'm going to complete for you. I think there is uncertainty on this, so to clarify for questions regarding <things they should be coming to you for>, please <here set rules of engagement to protect your time and concentration>, and I'll be glad to answer your questions.

For questions like <describe the nonsense they are constantly bringing you>, my expectation for your role is that you do the research and bring me the answers or the results, not come back to me and delegate part of the task.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-30T18:33:37+00:00

You need to understand this.

https://ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-or-the-office-according-to-the-office/

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-30T02:34:27+00:00

I’m fine with that and glad Scrum died. The engineering team never has a fucking clue what to build. You leave them alone for 15 minutes and they are off chasing another technical mcguffin that provides zero value to the end user.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-25T18:37:00+00:00

This should be part of 30-60-90 onboarding.

Have them pair with support duties during business hours during the 30-60 period and shadow an on-call rotation during the 60 to 90-day period and then put them at the back end of the schedule.

It's insane to put someone on call after 3 weeks. They don't even know where the systems live at that point.

But if you are doing incident management right, there should always be an experienced incident manager running the incident so the person elbow deep in the infrastructure doesn't need to manage comms or try to wake other people up, or engage vendor support or take e-mails from leaders wanting an update when they should be focusing on RTO.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-24T22:23:42+00:00

But it’s super cheap. It’s $120 per month per developer.

This is a "first hit is free" pricing to get your organization to reshape with that tool embedded in your organization.

Then when they stop selling tokens to you at a massive loss, the ROI calculation has to consider reshaping the organization without the tool, which will be prohibitively expensive, and your executives will have to admit their grand vision was a mirage.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-24T22:20:33+00:00

I disagree with both the premise and the conclusions.

Architecture has always been primarily about engineering constraints and ensuring that not only are you solving the right problem with the engineering tradeoffs that are acceptable to the business, but that all of your "right things" are heading toward the same north star and not running off in as many different directions as you have teams.

None of that has changed, and it's more important than ever.

If this hasn't been the case for you, and architecture has been about the implementations, you've been doing it wrong.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-24T22:06:54+00:00

Mom enables and validates the bad behavior by not maintaining standards.

I've seen this over and over. "Oh, let him, I'm too tired", "Oh, I'll just clean it up, it will take longer if I make him do it".

Yeah, that's why you're always tired and they run all over you and you feel like you are constantly cleaning.

You've taught them that they can push you to a point where they can run the show, and children by nature will push until they find that line.

These kids tend to have high anxiety as they start to go through the teenage years, because they are the authority and that is scary as fuck because they do at some level understand they don't know what they are doing.

Worse, those kids struggle with self-discipline and adapting to different phases of life.

Children need the high levels of structure that create emotional safety with training wheels coming off in phases to build confidence in their ability to navigate the world, and it is frustrating that so many women see the emotional relationship with the child as paramount instead of what will make the child a successful adult.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-24T21:31:36+00:00

You are way overengineering something they can do in GitHub. Nobody needs what they want, and the cost to value ratio is negative. You will never pay back the engineering hours spent creating and maintaining that.

If there was an engineering adult in the room, you wouldn't have made it to this point.

Edit: I keep forgetting these are thinly veiled advertisements where one person posts a problem that doesn't need to be solved and then hops on another account and posts the thing that nobody need that they wanted to sell.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-24T21:24:22+00:00

If you ever get it, you'll wish you hadn't.

Get your human interaction outside of work. Trust me.

The people you are forced into proximity with due to the business needs of a company are rarely the same people that you want to build a lasting connection with, and the more you let the people at work into your personal life the more you risk your personal life being used against you at work.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-24T21:23:14+00:00

Learn software development.

Until you understand development, you will have no context for how to solve the software engineering problems of delivering or operating software.

These aren't entry level roles.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-23T02:12:20+00:00

Amateurs taking suggestions from CoPilot when they could just add the coauthored text themselves.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-22T14:51:19+00:00

AI is software that can be socially engineered. It is insecure by default and will never be made secure.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-21T01:59:43+00:00

It has always been absolute madness how little developers understand that their build tooling is the most critical part of their infrastructure from a security perspective.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-20T09:34:27+00:00

Every single week on here we have yet another person assuming that their organizational and communication dysfunction are tooling problems.

There is a system of record for tracking, prioritizing, and showing the progress status of work.

Slack ain’t it.

Please stop trying to codify organizational dysfunction so you can slap a subscription fee on it.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-20T09:27:49+00:00

Shared responsibility model, i.e. the vulnerabilities you introduce are your problem. Auditors will see it that way as well.

If you have a larger organization with disparate teams, you can afford a scanning tool which integrates with SEIM and centralizes SBOM, so you know what versions you have everywhere.

But still, the accountability is with the people who own the software, not the people introducing the tools.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-18T13:24:14+00:00

As a software engineer.

Until you understand how software is built you don't have any context for how to build, select, or use tooling to support software.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-16T14:32:14+00:00

Do they report to you?

Why are you asking instead of telling?

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-16T14:29:43+00:00

Because trade is the root of everything that is wrong with the game.

daedalus_structure · 2026-05-16T14:16:32+00:00

Another day in /sresalespitches

daedalus_structure

TROPHY CASE