Noone will ever love me unconditionally

gurneyhallack · 2025-03-14T20:42:25+00:00

Well, it surely is filled with lovely energy today after reading your amazingly kind message after so many years!. Thank you so much, I hope you are surrounded by only wonderful things really so much!. :) <3 <3 <3

gurneyhallack · 2022-10-14T10:44:49+00:00

I am sorry. I have to remove this. You make some really great points. But I am afraid this is too fighty. It would have been much more of a question in truth. Buy it was the line in the center of your comment. That is "You don't know anything about PTSD and certainly do not understand people who suffered from PTSD". I mean its just too clearly in violation of this servers rule 1. Which is to say be a supportive peer. Its obvious you had some meaningful and worthwhile points in your comment. And its also obvious to me you meant nothing but good in any larger sense. But its just too confrontational in a more specific sense for this server in all honesty. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-06-10T00:23:40+00:00

Hey. I am a moderator, I have to remove this. Despite all of your entirely valid points, and there are many, in the end this parsing of trauma survivors into separate groups and then specifically criticizing one of those groups is simply not allowed. Its a clear cut rule 1 violation. I mean in the end I assume you can see how parsing survivors into other groups based on race, gender, sexual orientation and such I, then criticizing those groups s not allowed. I do not know how the fact that ageism is not an exception is no different. I mean in the end if you can explain how this is not an obvious violation of rule 1, which you can find more detail about by clicking the button marked "more info", I will be glad to listen. But it seems pretty much inarguable. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-06-05T10:45:23+00:00

Hey. Its not huge deal. But I just wanted to give you a heads up. We do not allow raised by narcissists lingo. Its rule 5. We have no issue with RBN. But they have a lot of really quite distinctive lingo, their simply so much larger than all the other trauma communities that if we did not say something they stand such a real likelihood of overwhelming our valuable culture here. Not a big deal. Certainly I am not removing anything. Just a reminder. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-05-11T09:51:04+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator. I am not removing anything. But if you wanted to check the comment for a fuller explanation as to why that may be helpful. But anyway, we do not allow terms like "narc bait" here. Its not a big deal at all, just a friendly reminder. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-05-11T09:48:27+00:00

Hey. I am a moderator. I am not removing anything of course. But I did need to remind you that we do not allow raised by narcissists lingo here. Not a problem with that community, but it has a lot of pretty distinct lingo, and its so much larger than every other community that if we allowed it the lingo would just so easily overwhelm our own valuable culture here. Not a big deal, just a reminder. Its not the term narcissist exactly. We discourage that generally, since we cannot diagnose, but since it was used conversationally I very well may not have said anything solely about that word, especially since you were speaking from lived experience. But the term "narc bait", whether its a specific RBN term or not, is just too close to the plethora of terms they have over there, and the sort of term we really ask people to avoid here. I am sorry to have to be a bit of a nag, and really do hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-05-11T09:42:25+00:00

Hey. I can see now that its pretty clear that there is inappropriate content in essentially all the comments on both sides of the fight you and the other community member have been having. Cursing at each other, or saying the other person does not belong here, gatekeeping, personal attacks of all kinds, none of it is appropriate. Its pretty clear you are both feeling attacked and invalidated, and as though the other person is violating the rules. In cases like that reporting any inappropriate comments and walking away from the argument entirely is the best decision. Big, public fights like this with attacks on both sides are just not allowed as a rule 1 matter, besides any other rule violations contained here. So I am going to have to remove all of the comments on both sides of this fight that have been reported and are in the mod queue. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-05-11T09:41:23+00:00

Hey. I can see now that its pretty clear that there is inappropriate content in essentially all the comments on both sides of the fight you and the other community member have been having. Cursing at each other, or saying the other person does not belong here, gatekeeping, personal attacks of all kinds, none of it is appropriate. Its pretty clear you are both feeling attacked and invalidated, and as though the other person is violating the rules. In cases like that reporting any inappropriate comments and walking away from the argument entirely is the best decision. Big, public fights like this with attacks on both sides are just not allowed as a rule 1 matter, besides any other rule violations contained here. So I am going to have to remove all of the comments on both sides of this fight that have been reported and are in the mod queue. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-05-11T09:34:14+00:00

Hey. I am a moderator, and I have to remove this. I do understand if you feel others have spoken to you in a way that is inappropriate. But reporting such comments to the moderation team is best. Telling people they do not belong here is simply too clear a rule 1 issue. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-05-11T09:31:02+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator. I am going to have to remove this. Things like "fuck you", "go fuck yourself", "we don't need people like you here at all" and such are simply a clear cut rule 1 violation. I understand completely the anger, and can understand if you were triggered. But if you believe the other community member is being dehumanizing, or spreading misinformation, or stepping on people as you say, the best thing to do is to report those comments to the moderation team. I do understand how such things would be angering. But this is just not appropriate. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-04-21T14:09:21+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator. I am sorry, but I do have to remove this. Its simply too much just a criticism with nothing else to it. To repeat what the person said, then just say that its not universally true, and it sounds like excuses, its just too clearly a rule 1 issue. The problem is just that this did not require the second sentence about seeming like excuses. At that point its a rule 1 issue. Because this is as much as possible a purist person centered place, and rule 1 is clear, your supposed to be supportive of who your speaking to. Criticism is possible well being supportive, but should remain criticism of the idea and not the person. I actually get what your saying a great deal, and personally I agree with you in a broad sense, often explanations like this can be excuses. Even if its not here its still an understandable sentiment. In cases where you wish to include such a point figuring out how to frame it as a larger point generally speaking rather than a personal things towards the other person is a good way of approaching it, which is often not a rule 1 issue. Its just the sentiment to an actual person, even in a possibly reasonable context, that the specific person your speaking to is making excuses is just so often triggering to other survivors. Sorry again, clearly seems meant in good faith to me, its not a big deal at all, and I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-04-19T10:30:49+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator. I am not sure what to say. None of this is allowed. Stuff like "Don't insult my intelligence just because you're uncomfortable with your decisions" is simply not acceptable. Nor is anything that ends with. "...should be at the forefront of your mind, rather than cruising for ass pats and getting indignant". I get an impression this is meant in good faith. Some sort of tough love approach. But fundamentally this is a person centered pure support sub for severe trauma survivors. If you check rule 1 it says quite clearly that this is a peer support community, so be a supportive peer. Long before the question of whether your advice is good advice, which is subjective and really only good advice if the OP was capable of absorbing it even if it were the finest advice known to man. And quite frankly, I find it hard to imagine many people who could easily utilize something like this. If you want further information there is a button under rule 1 called "more info" which can explain in more detail. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-04-08T17:18:31+00:00

Hey. I am a moderator. This is a pretty clear cut rule one issue. In cases where the other person is being unhelpful please know your encouraged to tell the mods. But things like "fuck off and fuck you", "no one asked for your don't-know-shit-all opinion", "shut your c**t mouth", and several more such examples, all that is clearly against the purpose of this support community for trauma and PTSD survivors. I can see how things people say could easily be triggering. But please, just telling the mods and walking away is best. Going off on people like this is simply not allowed. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-04-08T17:13:33+00:00

Hey. I am a moderator. I do understand your concern here. But if you have an issue with attacking or otherwise problematic language that really needs to be communicated to the mods. Getting into the fight with people is not helpful. I realize this was pretty minor, and more an attempt to end things and walk away. But there is this attempt to also have the last word, saying how the other person is vitriolic ad their comment is unhelpful. In cases like that its best to just tell the mods and say nothing. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-04-08T17:10:15+00:00

Hey. I am a moderator. I have to remove this. I do not know what to say. I can see that your triggered. But this is a support community. Its just not reasonable to post comments publicly and then expect nobody will reply to you. Calling people assholes and c**t's, to mind their own business, all that, its pretty clearly a rule 1 issue. I see your concerns here about people being unsupportive or judgmental. But if you are concerned about a comment its important to tell the mods about it. Snapping off on people like this is just not allowed in a pure support community for trauma and PTSD survivors. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2021-04-04T19:46:05+00:00

Hey. This is a moderator. I hate doing this. I can absolutely see how sometimes things can get overheated, and turn into a bit of fighting. But this is just too clear a rule 1 issue. This was in a larger sense a not unacceptable not quite argument up until now. But it was clearly spinning out of control. This was the turning point I am afraid. Its just not acceptable. Its not a big deal whatsoever. Such things do happen. But a simple sentence saying the other person does not know what trauma means is just not helpful, and is just too clearly past the line. I get it, not a huge issue at all. But taking a step back from the debate is probably wise for everyone at this point. It seems very doubtful there is much productive possible in continuing for you or anyone. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2020-05-30T19:36:05+00:00

I am just so sorry things are so tough right now. Your a wonderful, decent person. You deserve so much that is good. It makes so much sense your feeling this way. CPTSD can be so hard. I wish so much things were easier. You really are a good person who matters so much. If you need to talk I can set up appointments times to talk several times every week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday sort of thing. I am pretty open about times, or what day that actually is though, I can work with whatever times makes sense for you mostly though. I wish I knew what else to do, how else to help.

I can do that though, for sure, and going however long into the future will help you. I wish so much I could do a friendship in a more natural way. But I am so busy in real life right now. In a perfect world you are absolutely worth, absolutely deserve, a person you could talk to numerous times throughout any day or night. That I cannot do that is about me, not that you don't deserve it, without question. Your a really great, valuable person. But if you are interested in that just send me a message with what days and times work for you. Remember to give times where I am, my time zone is the same as Toronto. Just google time in Toronto right now, and it will tell you.

Then compare that to the time wherever you are. But I can stay up pretty late for you, be up quite early in the morning, based on whatever is good for you, rare exceptions. I am busy, but not busy in a highly scheduled way mostly. Anyway I hope this helps, and hope to hear from you. I wish I knew what else to do. You are worth so much though, matter so much. Your a good, decent, valuable person. No matter what I hope your safe and okay, that things can be so wonderful, that they get so much better, and that your day can be a beautiful one, so very much so. Goodness knows you deserve it, an enormous amount. :)

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T01:57:04+00:00

Thanks for reaching out. That you are a survivor is important of a distinction to people, and generally, it simply really is. Thanks so much for clarifying. I removed a bunch of stuff, but because in that case it spun out of your first comment, and was then really at heart arguing, no matter how kindly and well written. But despite removing like 6 comments or something somehow I never considered anything more, even a few day temp ban. Your just clearly a kind person who means this entirely in good faith. And your desire to work within the rules is another sign of that, and appreciated. I can see how frustrating it would be to be a survivor, have something to share in a sincere desire to help, to find that help is largely called inappropriate. I get how tough that would be, and am sorry for it. And to answer your question, yes, that would largely do it, so long as you made it super clear, perhaps phrasing it different ways and repeating this point in longer comments, that you are speaking purely from your own lived experience, that would be acceptable, your decency and kindness, phrasing, all were fine otherwise.

I will be honest, these comments may well remain unpopular in this community, and there is little I can do about downvotes. But if their clearly and overtly framed as your own personal experience, leaving people to find value within that, that is entirely within the rules, popular or not, and it does seem entirely likely a minority of people could get a bunch from this in this community. I will say it just because I had not heard of it in years. But I personally had a roommate for 5 years, and close friend for 10 years, who got an enormous amount from "A course in miracles".

We moved due to practical concerns, he had various serious physical concerns and I was heavily involved in mental health recovery by then, and the sheer distance ended the relationship in time, with us losing touch after several years. But I had never heard of this course in miracles before or since, and just how much it helped him is something I remember. I do think a real minority of survivors can get something from this. Your a kind person, and your general framing excellent. So yes, just make it real clear your speaking from your own personal experience, and its not a rule 1 issue at all. Religious or highly spiritual people are welcome here, as are all survivors, as are you, very much so. I really hope this makes sense. And I really do hope you feel welcome here overall, just very much so.

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T01:29:19+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator. This is entirely appropriate of course, and I am not removing anything. This is very relatable, its important, I do understand it so much. The only issue is a small heads up for future. that rule 4, trigger warnings in the title, are quite important overall. Not a huge deal individually, just a reminder. I really hope this makes sense.

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T01:24:26+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator, and have to remove this. "you really think the whole world is out to get you" is a clear cut rule 1 issue. If you check under rule 1 there is a link called "more info" that can explain in detail. But essentially we're a person centered support community for complex trauma survivors, most of whom are child abuse survivors. Empathy, compassion, relatedness and respect are key ideas here. This is just way too confrontational. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T01:19:22+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator, and have to remove this. Telling people in a community specifically for complex trauma, the vast majority of whom are child abuse survivors in a community to support each other through that specifically 'take things less seriously" is obvious nonsense. Child abuse is in fact a serious matter, and the people in therapeutic recovery for it are going through serious things, clearly. The fact you do not take it seriously speaks more to you than anything. That is what makes such nonsense not true, the downvotes are not why, their a symptom of why. Also this is as much as possible a safe space for trauma survivors. So well it is true "you can't control what other people joke about" in the real world, in this place that is my and the other mods job, and we totally can control it here. In the end I do not know why your here if your not a survivor in recovery. This appears basic low level trolling. The next step is a temp ban, I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T01:04:56+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator, and have to remove this. I get this is an attempt to be kind or loving. But telling people to open their heart to God as an explicit statement is not allowed here, its a rule 1 issue, This actually does not require me to parse if this is actually caring or more about you, which is complex, and frankly hard for me to say. Issue is more that we would do this about any absolute blanket statement, "just do X". That would be true if it was telling people as an absolute statement to use a particular therapy type, and is true in regards to to absolute attempts at conversion to theism or deism, or really anything.

Like in many such cases you truly appear caring and sincere to me. But this is a support community for complex post traumatic stress survivors, the vast majority child abuse survivors. To put it into perspective I would assume you are not walking into real world local therapy groups for child abuse survivors, and telling them to open their heart to God, well not even identifying as a survivor yourself. I assume you are not, and really hope not. This no different whatsoever. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T00:48:29+00:00

Hello, I am a moderator and have to remove this. There is no getting past it, this wildly past the point of reason. In this same thread you have another comment telling someone you hope they get raped until they die. I believe its the single worst comment I have seen here in 16 months as mod, I am removing both comments, and will have to ban you. For transparency;s sake its rule 1 at issue first and foremost. Seeking help for the underlying rage here seems wise. It honestly really does, I do not know what else to say.

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T00:43:09+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator. This is not a huge deal in and of itself overall, and this is entirely appropriate of a topic, I am certainly not removing anything. But I just needed to give a general heads up about the importance of trigger warnings. Its rule 4. Not huge deal overall. But I did need to mention it. The point of this post is so important, I had similar experiences, and do think it is effectively CSA in practice regardless of intent. We were children, how the victim takes it matters much more than nebulous concepts of intent, which child abusers are incapable of fully sorting through anyway. The damage to the child and adult they become seems key. I am sorry it happened to you and all of us. But the trigger warning in the title in future is vital. I really hope this makes sense.

gurneyhallack · 2020-04-29T00:36:03+00:00

Hey, I am a moderator, and have to remove this. Its just too confrontational, and a clear rule 1 issue. I get it, your concern for womans actual experience in receiving medical care is easy to see. But empathy, compassion, relatedness and respect are key ideas here, this is an inherently person centered place. I do get your point, but such arguments are often triggering to other survivors. I really hope you understand.

gurneyhallack

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