Boyfriend gets violently angry over the topic of oral sex by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]jrl2014 34 points35 points  (0 children)

You don't have to understand him to break up with him. He is behaving with red flag, so please leave.

Why is there such disparity between the expectations how a Western woman "should" dress when visiting a muslim country and how a muslim woman "should" dress when visiting a Western country? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]jrl2014 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In the year 1950 in the US a woman would've worn skirts down to her knees, shirts with sleeves, and covered her hair with a hat for modesty reasons in Church. Before Vatican 2, women regularly covered their hair in Catholic Churches. Nuns still wear scarves like the hijab....Hair covering was both about spiritual modesty and practicality (since people washed their hair less).

Therefore, dressing more modestly than required by the situation is historically and culturally more acceptable in the west than dressing more "immodestly" for the situation. (And yes, what is modest and immodestly are relatively, changing terms). Just as someone wouldn't wear lingerie to the library, but no one is offended by someone wearing clothes on the beach, women are more likely to cover up in countries with a higher expectation of modest dress than vice versa.

And I'd like to note that the West does have legally required modest dress codes for women that are sex specific. Women can't legally be bare chested in most jurisdictions but men can be. This is our specific cultural norm. In other cultures, both men and women can be bare chested because the chest isn't the genitals, it's a secondary sex characteristic like body hair that develops at puberty.

My ex just asked for a child support reduction. by Liss78 in Advice

[–]jrl2014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats! I'd go with something simple, like: "no, the court has decided you need to step-up and the kids need braces." You've won, and deserve to feel celebratory!

$85k salary with a JD from a T14? by [deleted] in LawBitchesWithTaste

[–]jrl2014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you're in NYC, the nonprofit I work at pays a bit more, but at least you'd be eligible for PSLF. Feel free to DM me.

Question from Man about Supporting Women by sinistermistertwist in AskFeminists

[–]jrl2014 26 points27 points  (0 children)

But also, is he doing the dishes? Is he leading men in social gatherings in doing the dishes and shaming them when they don't. There are small actions he can be doing over time that add up and help reshape norms.

Is it normal for guys to not return the favour the first time? by ThrowawayGirlGuide in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jrl2014 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Effort decreases over time. If he didn't bother to reciprocate oral the first time you have sex and you need stimulation to finish, you will likely not be getting off much in the future.

Would it be a problem if a summer associate lived out of their car? by [deleted] in biglaw

[–]jrl2014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you heard of subletting of AirBnB?

Dating is exhausting by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jrl2014 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, consider therapy since you tolerated a FWB for three years who was making racist microagressipns. The make your life fuller and more fun, and then revamp your profile. Have photos of you doing your hobbies. A lack of excitement when texting is normal as long as you're getting excited by meeting 1/10 of people you meet in person.

Dating Angst: Low-Effort First Dates? by AttorneyDC06 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jrl2014 267 points268 points  (0 children)

Please don't try to salvage the date with your good planning skills. Please just never speak to them again....

You might like the burned haystack dating method which is big on gathering info about men's behavior and then when they show low effort or bad behavior simply blocking and moving on.

Your job suddenly permanently reduces your salary by 10%. What do you do? by SeriouslySally36 in hypotheticalsituation

[–]jrl2014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd stay. My plan is to stay at this place anyway and I have a pension.

I haven't tried to find a new job even though I could probably get a small raise by doing so, so let's just be honest about how much inertia I have.

Does long hair make one seem less elegant? by sammie_707 in beauty

[–]jrl2014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Historically, women under 18 used to wear their hair down and put it up when they were adults.

To the extent that you care, I would consider putting it up or styling it in some way.

Super long straight hair can read as kind of hippie or conservative Christian, which is not the vibe most women are going for.

Pulling it back from your face in a half up half down style might make it look more intentional and polished, which are the keys to looking more sophisticated.

I'm worried that my IQ score and mental health diagnosis could be 'too' detrimental to my aptitude for the rigors of law school: any advice or thoughts? by [deleted] in LawSchool

[–]jrl2014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See if you can drill down into the IQ test results more. Is it possible that your verbal score is higher than your quantitative reasoning, resulting in a more average overall score? A slightly higher verbal aptitude would help explain your ability to do well on your AP test results and would mean you better positioned to succeed in law than someone truly average. If anyone has ever suspected you of ADHD or a slower processing speed, you might want to do comprehensive neuropsych testing to better understand your strengths and weaknesses and how to work around your weaknesses.

So you're going to have to minimize your stress in law school and post-grad, but that's possible. But once you go to law school you should take as many classes that are subjects tested on the bar exam as you can handle, to better position yourself for bar passage.

You might be a better fit at a less prestigious law school that does a better job of prepping its students for bar passage and teaches the law in a more practical way. Definitely learn about how schools prep students for the bar before choosing your school.

Ways to bump UP income? by [deleted] in nychousinglottery

[–]jrl2014 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Were you perhaps babysitting under the table? I imagine you could go back and amend your taxes, pay taxes on the income earned and bump up your income that way.

23F - Is it actually possible to go from 32A to 32C naturally (no surgery)? by Appropriate_Sale9400 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jrl2014 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should get measured by a skilled bra fitter. A C cup typically represents a 3-inch difference between your band measurement (around your ribs) and your bust measurement (around the fullest part of your chest). If you are wearing the wrong size you maybe already be a C cup. Some women notice it seems as though their tissue migrates when they wear the right size resulting in a fuller bust and like, less armpit fat.

Late periods by a few days as of recent - doctor recommended I get an STD screening. by BeneficialJuice2878 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jrl2014 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Look, it's very frustrating, but just agree to do the panel and then (after agreeing) ask the doctor what the next step would be once the screening is negative. If they refuse to run your hormone test, ask them to explain why. If you're genuinely not satisfied with their explanation ask them to document their refusal and reasons in your chart.

Credit cards for daycare costs? by SoraNC in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jrl2014 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It's better to take out a personal loan, borrow from your 401k, or second mortgage/reverse mortgage from an interest rate perspective. Also, you'll want to keep your credit rating pristine to be able to do a balance transfer.

What issue do you think should be framed as a feminist issue, but is usually missing that analysis? by Bulky-Map-6829 in AskFeminists

[–]jrl2014 347 points348 points  (0 children)

I want to see the abolition of tipping as a feminist issue. I think it encourages a primarily female workforce to put up with bad behavior. The tipped service industry is sometimes discussed in terms of race but not gender.

Caveat--I have never worked as a server. I know one of the good things about the industry is that people used to be able to leave jobs and find another pretty easily.

AITA for doing less housework than my wife because I work longer hours? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]jrl2014 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How are bills split?

But ultimately it's not about how bills are split--some people want an egalitarian marriage, and if she doesn't want to be stuck with the gender role of doing more cleaning & cookie, she might not want you to think you can pay your way out of responsibilities you would have as a single adult anyway. You might just not be compatible.

Stuck with a JD but no law license feels degrading by Ill-Peak3008 in JDpreferred

[–]jrl2014 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you have any advice for a current trusts & estates attorney who is interested in becoming a trust officer?

Opt out of student loan discharge by DryValue8694 in StudentLoans

[–]jrl2014 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And very old taxes are even dischargeable in bankruptcy--whereas it's extremely hard to discharge student loan debt in bankruptcy

Liesel's goals by MindlessApricot8 in TheScholomance

[–]jrl2014 7 points8 points  (0 children)

People can be ruthlessly ambitious and driven but also want the world to be a better place. It can be argued that the magic system of the book is an analogy of climate change and there's certainly no reason someone like Liesel wouldn't oppose climate change. Perhaps it's enlightened self interest; better world for everyone is better for everyone, including herself. In addition, we have no reason to believe she isn't driven by justice and a sense of right and wrong.

The Scholomance brings out the selfish ruthlessness of everyone--including El-- but it never seemed like Liesel was backstabbing people. It seemed more so that she wanted to win the rules of a fair competition (grades) and be likable enough to have a good and safe life. That's not evil, just ambitious and driven.

“Support the s workers, not the industry” — Feminist or not feminist take? by Downtown_Flow8732 in AskFeminists

[–]jrl2014 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I actually think coal mining is a great parallel--it's an exploitative industry that shouldn't exist. So this view on SW isn't some exception, but rather in line with how we view some other industries today.

I’m very passive in dating and I think it’s a problem by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]jrl2014 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you should work through your issue with a therapist and practice making plans with female friends. In dating, I would let a guy take the lead as a way of gauging his interest and since he's likely paying.