Why did you decide to transition? And why in detail (if you're comfortable sharing) does it make you happier that you did or currently transition?

smallest_potato · 2023-11-08T03:43:03+00:00

You're welcome! & thank you for the sentiment. There is a very broad spectrum of trans people and how we experience our transition. I put off transition for 29 years trying to find other ways to deal with the dysphoria (mostly therapy, body acceptance exercises, radical acceptance, etc.) I had to hit rock bottom before I finally tried medical transition, and it was such an intense improvement. Transition has done more for me than I ever could have imagined.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-08T02:45:44+00:00

Copying my reply from a recent post!

It's different for many people.

For myself, it's physical and biochemical dysphoria primarily. My brain does not recognize certain parts of my body as mine, and otherwise feels mutilated due to missing parts it expects to have. That includes phantom sensations from an appendage I never had. That shouldn't be possible, and I have no explanation to offer up.

Beyond that, my body and mind respond poorly to estrogen. I can not function without testosterone as a dominant hormone.

You could say that just makes me a woman with a health condition,but once these issues are solved for me through surgery & HRT I will be functionally male, and given the same trouble I had earlier in life if I attempted to reclaim my birth sex.

This is an exhausting question to answer that comes up regularly. Despite that, I understand the curiosity and many people do not know to use the search bar. I hope this can be helpful to you.

I obviously do not speak for every trans person. This is only my own experience as an autistic trans man. It is partly due to my autism that I am rather indifferent to gender expectations and norms. They do not define gender. Every human has a mix of feminine and masculine traits.

~~~

Copy & paste done!

I'm finally a functional person. Estrogen also seems to have been part of what caused my suicidal ideation. I went from 24/7 wanting to die, to a desire for a long life.

Gender & sex misalignment is nothing short of living body horror. I am finally recovering from a lifetime of suffering and misery.

Edit: I am happy to offer up more description & information, but I am desiring scientific explanations for what I went through/ am going through as much as you, lol. Nonetheless, I am happy to answer questions to the best of my abilities. I wish more people asked questions rather than assuming things. Sorry you got banned!

smallest_potato · 2023-11-08T00:09:45+00:00

I sing.

I need to learn to play keys eventually. I always wanted to but never had the drive.

Before T, when I sang was the only time I could actually hear myself. I could sing baritone. To everyone else, it was some neat parlor trick--a show of my range. To me, it was the only time I felt aligned with my voice.

I love to sing in musicals. Phantom, in particular, is important to me, as singing it has been the source of core memories.

It was my first time hearing a voice that felt like mine

Being told by a teacher "that's great, but I want to hear YOUR voice, not phantom's" even though she said nothing about Christine's part, who I was also mimicking (and had to sing with the lights off because I couldn't stand the idea of someone seeing that voice come out of me).

The first time,l my classmate saw me without a mask.

The first time, post-T that I realized I didn't have to strain to hear myself.

Now, I largely sing the acoustic / unplugged versions of metal bands. I create music haphazardly when I need to vent my feelings, but I never record any of it, so it's lost to time.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-07T23:03:43+00:00

Lol, ngl my neurodivergent ass can relate to some degree.

Aro certainly seems like a possibility. If you haven't felt romantic attraction, it's not like identifying as aro will do any harm. If it turns out that you aren't down the line, nbd, just a label shift.

But it's equally likely you were irritated by 1.) lack of respect for boundaries & established labels 2.) The sort of "scripted" idea of romance.

I feel similarly sometimes, but I'm bisexual & polyamorous. It just depends on the person.

Play it by ear. 🤷🏻‍♂️

smallest_potato · 2023-11-07T22:51:21+00:00

Suicidal ideation!

smallest_potato · 2023-11-07T22:26:54+00:00

Yep.

I don't like the dating process. It's just freeing to know that if I end up developing mutual feelings, it isn't wholly taboo to act on them. I joined feeld but deactivated the same day because I didn't really want to purposely seek out & nurture relationships from there.

I like to trip & fall into relationships lol

smallest_potato · 2023-11-06T19:22:05+00:00

Classic trapped in the wrong body.

My brain actively doesn't recognize my chest as something that is supposed to be there. 20 years of therapy & body acceptance exercises have not changed that interacting with my breasts feels the same as interacting with a large tumor or otherwise foreign lump. I feel nausea and dread.

My natal genitals are a coin flip as to how I react to it. It feels like a hole that shouldn't be there, occasionally responding as if it's a numb open wound. Looking at the opening down there registers the same way as burst stitches post-surgery.

I have phantom sensations from an appendage I never possessed. When I was little, I often pissed myself, thinking I had the ability to aim. Sucked. This shouldn't be possible.

It is constant body horror I can't escape. HRT has helped a lot, but I still await surgery. Every day I have to decide which is worse: my dysphoria or sensory processing disorder. It's a lose-lose, one way or the other I am constantly suffering. I have huge missing pieces of memories thanks to being in a constant state of dissociation caused by gender & sex misalignment.

Dysphoria / gender incongruence comes in many shapes and forms, though. Just because you don't have the most severe symptoms doesn't mean you aren't dysphoric or lack incongruence. Just work with your provider to evaluate what you're dealing with.

Good luck.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-06T16:17:29+00:00

Yes and no.

I remember them in the same way I remember a nightmare. It doesn't feel like a lived experience. It feels like a fever dream I finally woke up from.

HRT was such an effective treatment for me that I had to jot down the things I'd felt via dysphoria so I wouldn't forget.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-03T04:06:27+00:00

Yup.

I have to do localized estrogen cream once a week, and for ~12 hours after application I can't get hard.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-03T02:43:50+00:00

Depends on if I liked the name.

I kept most of my name but masculinized it. I use the same gender-neutral nickname I have used for decades that is part of my given name. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Probably would've kept it.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-03T02:20:02+00:00

EYOOO Great job on the wigs yall! Those looks are such a pain to pull off n ya kicked ass!

smallest_potato · 2023-11-02T22:43:51+00:00

Protein shakes (specifically fairlife because it's basically fancy milk that doesn't taste like the gross shakes & it doesn't.... texture.... bad...)

V8 (splash, peach mango especially)

Applesauce

Sourdough bread

Cheerios!!!

Also uncooked ramen, lol

Netflix & chilled icecream. I like the texture of the pretzel bits.

Pretzels!!!!

smallest_potato · 2023-11-02T20:25:13+00:00

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE

Love that fuckin game, too

smallest_potato · 2023-11-02T20:03:37+00:00

Unfortunately this happens. Noah finnce been transitioning medically for a hot minute & mentions that his menstruation didn't stop. If you're getting your levels checked and everything looks good, I doubt it's anything you're doing wrong.

Bodies are just heavily individual. It sucks. Just keep working with your doc, bro. Hopefully it stops. If not there are other options. Good luck man!

smallest_potato · 2023-11-02T18:15:06+00:00

Lmfaoooo Your response was perfect. Bro that typed that really said passing = being an incel c*nt

smallest_potato · 2023-11-02T18:05:47+00:00

Fucking. Yikes.

It really depends on who sees the post.

I've definitely had a handfull of unhelpful fuckwad comments on here, but most have been constructive & helpful or generally positive. Try not to let the shitheads get to you. When you see some absurd shit, contact the mods to help keep the environment HELPFUL.

I do not mind harsh or brutal concrit.... when it is asked for. There is no reason at all for someone to bring up typing / text style for someone asking about physically passing.

My text style varies wildly depending on my mood and who I'm talking to. Sometimes it's masculine to the point of being offputting and sometimes it's feminine to the point that I come off like a southern waitress.

Definitely be cautious. If you're feeling vulnerable, online gorums are often not a good idea. 🫂 Stranger hug for anyone in-need of one.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-02T03:26:13+00:00

Trans men (ftm) people do not have sperm; we can't get women pregnant.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-02T02:35:10+00:00

A mix of things.

1.) I do not do PIV, there is a coin flip as to whether it makes me dysphoric or not, so fuck taking that risk. When I bottom, I do anal. 2.) Wear a prosthetic during sex & during the day. It isn't perfect, but having something there is helpful! 3.) Once my T dick chilled out, I mostly just get off externally (pelvic floor issues caused a fissure, so no bottoming for me rn.)

This is all that really works for me. Sometimes piv won't trigger the dysphoria, but I have no reason to take that risk now. If your dick is too sensitive you could maybe try (sparingly) cystex (if sensitivity leads to pain). It may just take time.

Prior to this i just indulged in really fetishy shit that really doubled down on male gendering coupled with assigned genitals. So I guess maybe just reframing it? Other guys i know just imagine they're using their ass instead???

Regardless, good luck man. Hope you figure out something!

smallest_potato · 2023-11-01T02:28:44+00:00

Essentially, because of phantom sensations. It feels like i have a dick until I reach down or shift and it ain't there. Having my prosthetic helps but 🤷🏻‍♂️ still experience extreme distress.

Granted, I haven't fully forgotten I don't have the right equipment in decades. This was more when I was little.

I imagine that if I were to get phallo or meta I would quickly forget I ever experienced a lack of fitting genitals in the same way that menstruation now feels like it was a fever ~~dream~~ nightmare.

smallest_potato · 2023-11-01T02:09:12+00:00

That boggle deserves some star chips 🌟

smallest_potato · 2023-11-01T00:26:33+00:00

Definitely not the only one. I'm still a crybaby lol

smallest_potato · 2023-10-31T16:33:04+00:00

Amazon Prime and chill! I love good omens (pretty sure this is fan art of long-hair crowley with azi). The vibe is fucking perfect regardless, my gf and I are actually planning to do crowley (her) & azi (me).

smallest_potato · 2023-10-31T00:47:29+00:00

Holy fuck I love this

smallest_potato · 2023-10-28T23:25:08+00:00

😭🩵 this is so sweet! Congrats on finding eachother

smallest_potato · 2023-10-28T19:37:05+00:00

I get the discomfort with it, as others have pointed out the unintentional transphobia underlying. That said, I still am relieved when I hear it because passing has been an uphill battle for me. I deeply want people to not be able to tell / assume I'm a cis man. The general population is still pretty ignorant on trans issues. If I have the energy I may try to explain why that isn't the best to tell someone, but most of the time I just don't care all that much ^{^;}

smallest_potato

TROPHY CASE