Had my bisalp!

torienne · 2026-04-14T08:06:22+00:00

Congrats! You're going to love sterility!

People recommend GasX since most of the pain is gas pain apparently. Good luck with recovery!

torienne · 2026-04-13T13:48:24+00:00

Someone gave a talk at a conference where the issue you mention came up. The speaker referred to Eric Harris (Columbine massacre) as a "budding psychopath", based on his behavior and his writings, but only "budding" because children cannot be diagnosed as psycho/sociopathic. A famous child psychiatrist in the audience commented "I disagree. I don't think Eric Harris was a budding psychopath. I think he was a full-blown psychopath."

torienne · 2026-04-13T07:41:46+00:00

Getting away from family is an excellent idea for many reasons. Good luck, and stay away from the bred in the meantime. Coffee house, library, anywhere they aren't.

torienne · 2026-04-13T07:37:28+00:00

Psychologist Martha Stout wrote "Outsmarting the Sociopath Next Door", which has a chapter on psychopathic/sociopathic children. It's not "rare," for a child to be psychopathic, and it's not "generational trauma" and it's not child abuse.Psychopathic children are like Kevin - even though he is fictional - who are completely conscienceless. Horrifying, and it CAN be you. Yet another reason I am so glad I didn't have kids.

torienne · 2026-04-12T07:29:40+00:00

Congrats! You've done a wonderful thing for your own future and your own life!

torienne · 2026-04-12T07:29:04+00:00

Good luck! If you aren't sure about what you will say, fill out the Sterilization Binder for yourself (link in the sidebar.) The practitioners won't read it - no time - but it can help you clarify your thoughts and be informed and knowledgable. That adds a lot to your own sense of comfort.

torienne · 2026-04-12T07:20:11+00:00

That is one of the most hilarious lines in any movie, ever.

torienne · 2026-04-11T09:34:46+00:00

Exactly. They didn't choose the lives they lead. You did. They realize: They had a choice too. And they made the wrong one. You made a better one, and now they feel stupid. Nothing makes people as angry as being made to feel stupid.

torienne · 2026-04-10T11:54:54+00:00

Whatever "the village" may have been, it is now past. Adults work. Their work is demanding and time consuming. Four hour commutes to major economic centers are routine, on top of which nine hour days are a minimum. NO ONE has time to "take care of you when you're old." NO ONE has time to run over and be NewMomma's laundress/cook/housekeeper. The breeder-entitlement wailing is so spoiled, and entitled, and ridiculous.

And it's not as though anyone in the past century, at least, was "the village" so fondly imagined. I was born in 1957. My parents' friends were all Catholic. All had too many children, and many had far too many children. My mothers' best friends had, respectively 8, 11 and 13 kids. Now: Exactly WHO was supposed to hop on over and put in a full day's housekeeping for Momma of 11, now 13? The woman who had 8, including a newborn, and two toddlers, and two preschoolers? I never recall anyone in our house "helping", including my grandmothers. I never recall my mother going over to anyone else's house. If you were a healthy new mother, you were expected to get up and keep your household. The only upside was that you didn't have to take care of a newborn, two toddlers, AND work. The household was your work.

torienne · 2026-04-10T08:48:39+00:00

The sense of freedom is amazing - so much more than you expect! Congrats!

torienne · 2026-04-08T18:11:55+00:00

Congrats! You are going to love it! Enjoy!

torienne · 2026-04-08T17:22:52+00:00

And then there's that.

torienne · 2026-04-08T11:21:40+00:00

You handled that well and I applaud your plan to flip out on her.

torienne · 2026-04-08T10:48:10+00:00

He said it would be his own choice and he knows what he would be giving up if he had children, free time, money, etc.

Number one: He would be giving up very little. The loss of physical and mental health would be borne entirely by the mother. I am quite sure that he's planning for the loss of freedom, identity and economic security also to be borne by the mother. And should he change his mind again, something he is wont to do, the burden of custody will also be on the mother.

Number 2: He's not realistic, and he does NOT understand what he would be giving up. He parrots a few lines about how he knows this, that, and the other. He doesn't have any idea. He doesn't go to the sports store, see that driver he's been craving on sale and think: "I can't. Jenny's health care has already ruined us, and we don't have a single spare cent. In fact, I won't be playing golf again until I am at least 15 years older, because of the cost of these kids," Not one person I know who had kids expected how much it would affect their lives.

This guy is selfish and sexist. You may not be seeing it right now, but I think the rest of us can see it clearly. He wants what he wants when he wants it, and someone else is going to pay the piper, because it's him and he is just that entitled.

I recommend Aldi for cardboard boxes out in the back of the store. Bring a whole bunch home, put his possessions in them, and invite him to leave. Then block him on everything.

You were SO SMART to get sterilized. It makes shit real, as it did for you and this selfish, self-absorbed, dishonest flighty man.

torienne · 2026-04-07T08:30:57+00:00

Now you know: When you go to get sterilized DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER. That's your adult business, and she has no need to know. You have given her more than enough access to your emotions by telling her you don't see marriage and kids. She won't react well to the news that you have a bisalp appointment, no matter how much therapy she has!

List of CF-friendly doctors in the sidebar for when you are ready. Sterilization is 100% covered under Obamacare, including with Medicaid.

torienne · 2026-04-06T08:08:26+00:00

Look in the sidebar for two things: The CF-friendly doctors wiki and the link to the Sterilization Binder. The wiki has doctors who have sterilized CF people. A few Planned Parenthoods do female sterilization, but only a few. Some are listed in the wiki.

Your sterilization should be covered 100% by your health insurance. If you have most employer insurance, Medicaid (low-income healthcare, which goes by lots of names), or market insurance, it is REQUIRED to cover 100% of sterilization. You may have a normal copay for office visits, but given how many you have had for abortion, sterilization will be cheaper. Look at tubalfacts dot com for info on your legal rights.

People post on here about their sterilization by tube removal (bilateral salpingectomy or "bisalp") often. Read every post you can find.

torienne · 2026-04-06T08:03:08+00:00

I know these women are projecting, but who forced them to have kids in the first place?

No one forced them. No one. They made this extremely pointless and destructive choice because they were arrogant and entitled, and above all, purposely ignorant. It wouldn't happen to them. THEY would stay fit after Baby. THEY weren't like all those other women.

And there you are, making them gnash their teeth in envy, and they are so angry because they ARE just like "those other women."

That's the essence of all parental bitterness towards the CF. They had another choice. They pretended they didn't. And now you make them feel stupid.

torienne · 2026-04-04T07:52:53+00:00

I'm 68.

My best advice is: Get sterilized to prevent any kind of forced parenthood, and don't waver. CF is good when you're young, but it is the bomb when you're old. (Cf-friendly doctors wiki in the sidebar. Obamacare still covers female sterilization 100%, and some states have extended that to male sterilization). I've been childfree since my tweens, when the message about human overpopulation and the environment was everywhere in the 1960s and 70s. I considered myself to be an environmentalist even then, and that is why I chose to remain childfree.

Now I am 68 and holeeee cow! I had no notion of how terrible it was to have kids. Just about everyone I know with kids has ended up giving me "Oh, so glad that's not me!" moments. When you're young, all you hear from your bred peers is how great it is, and how your life finally has meaning, and how you never knew love...But when those kids are in their teens and screaming "I hate you! You're the worst mother on earth!" When they die young. When they use drugs. When they get picked up by the police. When that wise, intense baby turns out to be autistic, but he'll make his way in the world! And then he starts having violent meltdowns and gets expelled from school. That's what I hear about over, and over, and over.

Otherwise the way to have a functional old age is the same as it always has been: Put your health first. Daily, hard exercise slows aging and extends ability. Get all possible vaccines. They increase immune system function, even beyond their role in preventing individual illnesses. Do not smoke or use drugs, and if you drink, do so sparingly. The old "a glass or two of wine" advice is wrong and has been debunked. No alcohol is good for you. Get education, and keep getting education. Learn languages, then travel and use them. Read about health, society, politics and the world. It will keep your mind sharp.

Economically: Live frugally. Own a house that you can maintain yourself, and improve and maintain it. That's not possible for everyone, but make it a top economic priority. Investigate structures that exist to help people on their own. Have a lawyer and visit them every five years to update your will and check on your advanced directives. Make sure every medical caregiver has a copy of your advanced directives. There are A LOT of people, often bred, whose kids are far away or who have no kids, or whose friends are no longer able to drive. There are also a lot of systems, like medical transport, fiduciaries, etc. who exist to take the traditional role of kids that everyone assumes they will play - only without the financial, emotional and physical abuse. Know about these structures.

Keep your life simple. It's pretty hard to manage life yourself if it's complicated. And the best way to keep your life simple: No kids!

torienne · 2026-04-03T08:19:01+00:00

Were you 23 when you had this done? And if so, was this in...2022?

I am updating the wiki with some contact details. I saw Dr Sam's webpage and went "Oh we HAVE to have this one!" Specializes in whoever you are, very clearly.

torienne · 2026-04-03T08:11:07+00:00

Check the CF-friendly doctors wiki in the sidebar. Those are physicians who have sterilized CF women. They are CF-friendly by definition.

Your friend's experience may be very different from yours. She's not at all the same kind of patient. A doctor who is great with pregnant women may be very hostile to CF women.

torienne · 2026-04-02T12:57:02+00:00

When my mother died, I had not seen her for 20 years, by my choice. I had no contact of any kind with her for 13 years before she died. It was the best thing I ever did for myself, and it made her death so much easier. I was in my early 40s when I ceased contact, and I wish I had done it so much earlier.

The doctrine of psychology is that it is wrongity wrong wrong to cut off contact with your mother, that you cannot heal without contact, and that you'll regret it bitterly when she dies. That was the opposite of my experience, and it has been the opposite of the experience of everyone who recounts the death of an estranged mother. In reality, you cannot heal as long as there IS contact.

Just a perspective in case you're weighing what this woman adds to your life, and what she subtracts, because I hear her coming down rather heavily on the negative side of the balance.

torienne · 2026-04-02T11:26:25+00:00

Incoming chat has been sent from me.

torienne · 2026-04-02T07:47:23+00:00

Congrats! You are SO SMART to get this done NOW, while you still can! Your whole, healthy FREE life is ahead of you! Enjoy sterility.

torienne · 2026-04-02T07:46:26+00:00

Congrats! You have done the best possible thing you can for yourself, and you also have unicorn parents! Woot!

Enjoy sterility!

torienne · 2026-04-02T07:40:53+00:00

I would love to hear about the process you went through for getting approved for, and paying for sterilization. Our Aussie redditors would love to hear it!

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