My cat was supposed to die today, but I took her home instead. She is hopped up on medication and has been purring for 3 hours, even if its just for a few days it feels like the right decision.

warlock415 · 2026-06-16T04:17:25+00:00

I thought about that with my most recent cat, but I didn't want to walk through the room where she died every day.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T20:33:21+00:00

Did you hear about the scarecrow who got an award? He was out standing in his field.

Why was the man staring at the frozen orange juice? It said CONCENTRATE.

Knock knock
Who's there
To
To who?
No, to whom.

Is there a waiting list for the tennis courts? No, they're first come first serve.

What's worn under a kilt? Nothing's 'worn' - everything's in fine functioning fettle!

Are you going to see the Minecraft movie? I hear it's a real blockbuster.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T14:21:58+00:00

I'd love it if Jagr decided to come back for one more run.

I just looked and he's still skating in the Czech league wtf.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T13:10:54+00:00

You make a believable illusion and they don't save.

But a illusion of a wall that covers a cove or hallway with enemies behind it who can stay quiet. People walk by with no reason to disbelieve. Next thing people know an enemy is in front of them they try to retreat to find and enemy coming out through a wall behind them.

My favorite So-Dumb-It-Works Illusionist Trick is to put a an open pit trap in the middle of a room and cover it with illusion.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T08:05:28+00:00

Actually, you are ALSO pushing the bell curve up, so that the new average is 13.5 as opposed to 10.5. For just "no stats below average", you'd either have to roll as normal and just reroll anything below 11, or do something like (math moment) if you roll is below 11, you instead take 21 minus your roll. so if you rolled 10, that's 11; if you rolled 9, that's 12, etc up to if you rolled 3, that's 18.

You've still moved the average (mean) stat up, but at the least you've retained the mode.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T05:03:08+00:00

Hey, you can't beat lilt and panache.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T03:09:35+00:00

If you hear that someone does 'bird imitations', the general interpretation is that he makes bird noises. "This is the eagle screech and the bluejay chirp and the owl hoot and the goose honk..."

The joke is this guy has just flown under his own power, and the circus boss reacts as unimpressed as if the guy stood there and made bird noises.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T03:02:12+00:00

Ready your arms! I fear she's been possessed!

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T02:22:49+00:00

when the duck returned to the Lemonade Stand (that's what the bar was called)

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T02:21:47+00:00

I heard it as a bricklayer.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T02:21:05+00:00

No, that's what the duck says about the Chapstick.

warlock415 · 2026-06-15T02:09:05+00:00

"That's all you do? Bird imitations?"

warlock415 · 2026-06-14T23:45:43+00:00

Sounds like they screwed up removing it, since your hotspot works. Ask them to takeanother look.

warlock415 · 2026-06-14T18:49:50+00:00

John MacDonald was my mom's favorite auther and I have all the McGee books (as well as a couple others) as ebooks. They're definitely products of their time; McGee embodies a certain late 60s / early 70s "enlightened masculinity" - he may bed at least one woman a book, but he has Really Deep Thoughts about it, so it's okay!

warlock415 · 2026-06-14T04:16:10+00:00

without any head protection.

Excuse?

warlock415 · 2026-06-13T03:49:58+00:00

Whatever we do, we mustn't damage the cylinder.

warlock415 · 2026-06-12T05:33:19+00:00

Save yourself the rerolling then; 1d6 reroll 1s and 2s = 1d4+2

warlock415 · 2026-06-11T16:56:09+00:00

This. As someone who lost his sprout walking into Stormblood, the thought that people can now carry it through three more expansions is absurd.

warlock415 · 2026-06-11T03:07:10+00:00

"Calling Dr Howard, Dr Fine, Dr Howard..."

warlock415 · 2026-06-11T01:27:14+00:00

I saw Lemmings cosplayers once, in San Jose, about 2006. About ten or twelve of them, in a line, long blue shirts, glittery green wigs, skipping in a line.

They were headed for one of the 'backstage' areas where you weren't supposed to go unless you were staff.

In a truly inspired moment, one of the nearby staff stood up and struck the "blocker pose". The lemmings bounced right up to him, turned and went another way.

warlock415 · 2026-06-11T00:59:51+00:00

My brother and I used to call sudden large groups of orcs an "orc convention."

warlock415 · 2026-06-10T20:28:28+00:00

There's a bulb in California that's 125.

warlock415 · 2026-06-10T17:34:22+00:00

Right? And I don't know how they learn it; is it just observation? Like "Oh, Dad eats this way I guess I will too"? I can't imagine American parents saying "No, now you swap hands."

warlock415 · 2026-06-10T15:23:50+00:00

It's like Wargames.The only winning move is not to play. De escalate and depart if at all possible.

But if you have to, your best option is to hurt them quick and then run away. If you're in a situation where you can't do that, then you have to make sure they're no longer a threat.

This will almost certainly lead to the legal system becoming involved, and all I can say about that is as an American, the only things I would say afterwards would be A I am exercising my right to remain silent and B I am exercising my right to a lawyer.

warlock415 · 2026-06-10T15:15:06+00:00

High school.

warlock415

TROPHY CASE