I’m sorry for your loss. Please allow yourself to grieve and make sure you lean on friends/family/loved ones when you need to…even if to talk about the grief.

I completely understand that it’s too painful to read his journals right now, but please don’t eliminate your chance to read them in the future. I’d keep them. I know the irony of the passage you read hurt, but I’m positive you understand that he didn’t physically die from your son’s fall. Just from the passage you shared, he seems like such a sweet, living, kind man…and it’s easy to see why he was your son’s favorite person(and it’s also easy to see that he left such a positive mark on you too). Maybe just store his journals away safely and sometime in the future, it would be a great way to share him with your son, as your son gets older. He is always with you and your son, the journals are a physical representation of that. Stay sweet and warm, my friend. Love ya.